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Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
A Poem to My Lilliepad
She's a girl trapped in a world crafted by crooks
Few wrong turns was all it took.
it started off like any other story
growing up full of dreams
until the day she met a boy and fell in love
you should know
nothing is ever what it seems
she was brave, yet everything ends in dust
I feared that everything for her was lost

Then she had her baby girl
that planted an axle in her world
trapped still that she may be
she has something now to keep her clean
keep her ground; safe and sound

Everyday he puts her down
makes her feel small
he isn't even tall
not many can see her frown
but I do.
I see the pain.
I see her confused.
Stuck to the fate that she did choose
back in the day.
She needed to make a change to get away.

He still does those things,
she still lives with him.
But I have faith that she will grow her wings.
Make her escape from her mistakes.
She has all she needs to leave one day.
All her love for her little Lillieanna Mae
Dedicated to my wonderful and beautiful niece Lillieanna Mae Butler
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
Moments before sleep was knocking at the door.
Then I stool a glance at the window,
an eye on mystery,
a glimpse of the unknown.
Challenging me to say goodbye
to a world of fear;
of not going even near
the edge of my comfort zone.
Now I must take a step past this circle I drew,
in order to experience something new.
Nerves forever remaining,
a reminder of how I'm changing.
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
Watching you watch me
thinking I don't see.
I don't think you think.
You chased me away,
I haven't cared since.
I can't stand to see your face,
or having you in my space.
I've been done with these games
you love to play.
When you speak
I don't hear a word you say.
Blah blah blah
How it translates in my head.
Wah wah wah
that's all you said.
I have no more tears on you to shed
you made you bed,
full of lies
Now lie in it.
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
I pass you in the hallway everyday.
I don't look you in the eye,
as you walk by.
I pretend you don't exist.
Though in reality my heart does race.
I think about you every minute,
of every hour,
of every day.
I try so hard to stop all the thoughts,
but I can not seem to get them to go away.
I can not seem to get you out of my head.
And that tiny insignificant moment,
is my favorite part in every day.
Saira Ellyzabeth Feb 2013
Ripped in two
between what I want
and what is true
every day I wake up
I put on a mask
my fake face
painted with
laughter and smiles
so no one can see
what I'm trying to hide
deep inside
down past the pain
in a place of longing
longing for something
that will never come
the longing that keeps
the rain from stopping
Saira Ellyzabeth Jan 2013
Fire within my soul
Fighting the untouchable
Trying to win a losing battle
Pain with every movement
Pain; the definition of my existance
No power to resist
With big brother always watching
His eyes full of laughter and ridicule
They take me as a fool
Convincing even me that they are right
That I'm a waste of life
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
Human nature;
               immature until proven otherwise.
Considering themselves wise.
      Lies.
         Heresy.
                I say
years don't mean a thing.
Experiences,
            suffering;
                 create an aging soul.
                                           Rather than eternal youth.
Saira Ellyzabeth Dec 2012
Now everything is gone with the wind
and frankly I just don't give a ****
just like Scarlet O' Hara
I'm scared but will not show it
I will build myself back up
from rock bottom
I wont be a coward like the lion
I am mighty like the puma
nothing can keep me low for long
this is me, I am strong.
Saira Ellyzabeth Nov 2012
I'm aware You don't care.
I don't need your constant reminder
seeing your face is enough
reliving the pain on a regular bases
is already too much
normally I'm fine
with drawing a line
and playing make believe in my mind
that you never had my heart
but when you speak
your stone cold words at me
they hit and do damage you can not see
causing internal bleeding
which could one day lead to a
**Fatality
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
Fiddle dee fiddle dum,
layin' around twiddling my thumbs.
'Cuz why?
'Cuz this is the boredom song.
Schoobie schoobie scoobie doo,
I have nothing fun to do.
So I am just going to sing some silly tunes.
El buro sabe mas a tu.
A donkey knows more than you.
Yes I'll even sing some silly spanish too.
While the cow jumps over the moon,
and the jungle cat climbs around the room.
Chaos is my middle name,
just today is such an average day.
Nothing seeming to go my way.
Thst id something I must change
no more of this being a ***
fiddly dee dee dum.
Saira Ellyzabeth Nov 2012
You are just a boy.
Even though you think you are a man.
You treat females like toys,
playing around until you lose interest in them,
then throwing them aside
as if they are not important.

All work and no love
makes you feel tough.
If you stick with this course
you forever be stuck in a state,
this constant rut.

I know people crave eternal youth,
but that shouldn't be your fate.
Just pointing out;
you need to change your ways
before it gets to be too late.
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
Why should humans have hearts?
Many don't even use them.
They just get broken,
by deception,
by lies.
Most of all by dreams.
Dreams that get stripped away from the core.
By reality,
who does not want to be seen.
Even though it was there,
just ignored.
Unbearable,
until shoved in the face.
Destroying any happiness that tried to exist.
Leaving two pieces of what was once a heart.
Now just a person that is lovesick.
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
Modern Day Cinderella
Everyone knows the fairytale
a precious little girl
growing up in hell
with her step-sisters
and step-mom of evil
that want nothing more,
but to trap her in her shell.
As you all know their plan
to hide her away
and keep her from her prince
failed miserably.
This story can relate to a girl I once knew.
Though in her story
she isn't saved by a fella,
this is my modern day cinderella.

Coming from a broken home,
so nothing normal ever known.
Parents divorced before the fighting
could be imprinted in her memory.
Two years later her father remarried.
So all the sudden she had a new family.
Things were okay at the start,
until she got a little older.
Then it all started to rot.
The stepmother turning green,
full of envy, turning mean.
Father always working late,
her mother off on drugs wasting away.
No one was around to notice the change,
to see the pain on that little girls face.
Her step-mom made her cry everyday.
Hate was the term,
used on a regular basis.
The fear this women created,
evil ever so jaded.
Picking up after her step-sisters day after day.
Who loved to use their anger
to make fun of her, tease her
if she didn't appease them.
Spending all the time she could
hiding in her room
for hours upon end.
They preferred her to be non-existent.

There came a day where
she became brave
and decided to take a stand
she played her hand
escaped the fate she was trapped in
breaking the chains.
Ending this story I tell ya
of modern day Cinderella.
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
Slipping away.
Falling through walls
that are closing in.
Keeping out her only true friends.
Losing herself
in the worlds she created.
Faded.
An empty vessel
moving way to fast.
Getting caught up in the past.
As horrid as it may be.
She could have been free.
She could have been safe.
The baby was saved
before it was too late.
She was molded
and shaped
and adored.
Loved more by her fake parents
than any other baby in the world.
By them she was warned
of the mistakes she could make
that would seal her fate
to that of crazy and suffering.
Ignorance is bliss.
So is said.
But not in this case
her ignorance lasts
and turns her into
a psychopath.
Saira Ellyzabeth Dec 2012
Mirror mirror on the wall,
there is no fairest of them all.
Time moves on,
but people fall.
Everyone can lie,
reflections tell the truth.
Colors paint souls away,
flying on the clouds today.
Looking down into the river,
seeing what there is to discover.
Things you always wished you knew.
Though you may not know,
or understand what I show
so calm your thoughts for awhile
go outside and walk a mile.
Learn that the words don't even matter.
Just like in the looking glass;
the message changes,
as people pass.
Don't get yourself lost in the snow.
For each flake is individual;
beautiful and unique.
Don't fear the raven of the dark,
or the red-blood marks
on your memory.
Because everything leads to something.
All tied together by an invisible string.
Inspired by Snow White
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
I don't know what love is,
and I wont claim to be what I'm not.
I do know how a feel,
a feeling that is unreal.
Just a few thoughts carries in the butterflies;
goosebumps as their cargo.
Just a simple touch gives me the chills,
leaves me crazing more,
more of you.
You are my new addiction.
Consuming my mind.
Not even realizing the effect you have on me,
making me crazy.
Saira Ellyzabeth Nov 2012
Running out of time,
losing my mind,
it is impossible to find
no matter how hard I try;
I don't know what to do,
I don't have a clue
so everything else I lose;
as if never in existance,
I try to keep my distance
stay safe but it's always too late;
always making mistakes,
confidence constantly shaken
my soul now fading
for lack of trying;
giving up,
running out of luck
as if it was ever good
forever misunderstood
by everyone else
hiding emotions on a shelf
always managing to sabotage myself.
Saira Ellyzabeth Feb 2013
A shadow amoung the earth
uncertain
broken
unloved
having no place of it's own
only hated
no light
not quite black
just a shade
nothing but a shadow
living a half life
with out any worth
a lost heart
full of hurt
all faith extinguished
no reason to live
not in this place
only cold bitterness
making what is nothing more
than a shadow
just a spot
that is caught
roaming the earth
unloved
broken
uncertain
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
Flesh turns to stone
the slow and steady rhythm
becomes nothing but a memory
the sweat warmth, now ice cold.
Becoming untouchable,
defending itself from the hurt,
from the pain.
To never experience the fallen tears again.
Saira Ellyzabeth Nov 2012
Perfection is the Idea
                 Happiness the Goal
                               Money will not take us there.
                                                 Though for Wealth we sell our Souls.
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
Always fighting an inner war within my mind.
To do what I want,
or what is right.
Rarely do these choices coincide.
That would be too simple.
And so I sigh.
Morality is such a burden
for a good-hearted person.
Though guilt is a much heavier load;
that I should know.
So I must keep to myself.
Follow the golden rule;
though faded as it may be.
I still try to treated people how I want to be treated.
Avoid being too conceited.
Be kind to my foes,
and smile at my enemies.
There are much more important things in life,
than whether or not I am liked.
So if you don't have something nice to say,
just lock your lips and throw out the key.
And go far away from me.
Saira Ellyzabeth Nov 2012
I write to express
get all my feelings off my chest
when ever I'm finished
I feel refreshed
the words just flow
from my mind into what I write
no need to try
ink made from tears
lines expressing fears
rhyming with my anger
adding fuel to the fire
from depression to expression
revealing my deepest confessions
making connections from no where
secrets overturned
crushes learned
life is almost never fair
so writing is how I share
my thoughts
and my concerns
through my words I stand firm
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
A heart
seemingly durable
but altogether delicate
so simply broken
but never completely destroyed
every time
piece by piece
put back together
bringing growth
along with fear and desperation
yet so many so easily guarded
then the almighty prince comes again
tearing down walls that were built
conquering those fears
taking that major leap
leading to what is thought to be irreparable defeat
widely known as
the ultimate broken heart
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
I crave the storm.
I crave the thunder.
In the rain I feel reborn
No more pain.
I go under.
The trance it put's me in,
is like no other.
When the lighting shocks my mind,
temporarily removes the numb.
This way I can find,
something I had left behind.
I do not recommend too often looking back,
and getting lost in the past.
Storms are never meant to last.
Take deep breaths;
the calm comes next.
The darkness recedes,
then I'll feel clean.
Stillness becomes the trees;
with an occasional breeze.
The sky a silent gray.
No longer fading away.
If only I could leave with the storm.
Have a drought of my whereabouts.

Oh storm, how I adore,  
Just take me with you.
I'll sacrifice my form;
be no more.
Saira Ellyzabeth Oct 2012
Just sitting here wasting away,
day by day.
My thoughts flying through dreams.
You'll remember my name.
I'm going to be somebody.
I'm not leaving this world without a bang.
I live my life the best I can.
Don't fret about yesterday,
but don't focus too much on tomorrow;
it will just get blurred.
Nothing ever goes according to plan.
Even the ten commandments were set in stone.
Regret is just a six letter word with too much weight.
If you let it run your life;
by the time you find any of this out it will be too late.

— The End —