If my skin was as transparent as my soul
you'd see the names of old lovers,
you'd see ashes of love letters
that faded with time,
you'd see words of a careful mouth,
you'd see the universe
I once opened up to experience
and quite enjoyed the way it tasted.
You'd see pale veins filled up with dark ink
staining all parts of me it touches.
You'd see that hint of something
you've always seen in my eyes
but never could put your finger
on what it was.
You'd categorize it as lust,
desire for the touch
of the deepest kind of love.
You'd see that the thoughts running through my mind
are those I saved for you.
And you'd know that it is your name
carved on the depths of every bone,
every single cell
that builds my body.

And I'm sorry to say
and it feels unreal
but it is what happened
the sweet lips of death
touched yours
and took you away
from me.

Love I tried to tell you,
I tried to warn you,
make you see
that this would never work.
I tried to show you
I'm not all that great,
I'm not what you tell people
when you say you found love.
You should have believed me
when I said
I would break your heart.
Maybe then we wouldn't be
this far apart
from each other.

I admire the beauty of your eyes
and it reminds me
of the color of the ocean
it's calm and soothing,
it holds the universe
and I lose myself.

I wrote you a poem
but didn't actually
quite find the right melody in those words,
I painted it in black
and stained it with red,
and I may have written it
in a helpless attempt to a fixing,
I'm painfully aware
of all the tear stains
and the fading ink and once again
I apologize for the the shortness of it
but the worst of it all
is the shadows of the past
hiding in the in between
of the colorless lines.

I've spent nights
memorizing your lips
and your jaw line.
It's something
I have been taught
along the years.
"From lips, come out a reason to fix a broken heart."
That's what my mother
used to say,
but like most mothers
she did not tell me
that words are the first step
to destroy an entire life.
And darling
since I saw you
I've hoped your lips
would be too busy on mine
to think of anything else.

I promised you the world
but darling I'm sorry I can't give you that
I promised you the stars
but my dear they are too far away from my reach
I promised you my love
and honey that, I swear, will last forever.

Your breath caught up in your throat
and mine hot against your cheek,
our bodies fit perfectly together,
your skin is my new drug,
my new addictive sin.
We work our way through the night
with breathless moans
and soundless pants,
skin touching skin
and one thing only in our minds,
we want more.

I could lie
and put my memories on fire
turn my feelings
into ashes
but what good would that be
if I'd miss
not you
but something I never knew
I once had?
My mother said
and I remember it well,
"keep in memory what you had,
it is what brought you here."
And maybe,
it is what will bring you back.

My biggest fear
is I'll never get over
the idea of you
and maybe
that's what it was all about.
Maybe I did not see
things as they were
but instead
as I wanted them to be,
and that's probably what we were.
I never stopped
to explore your idea of me.
The memories I have
are twisted
in my own concept of perfection,
and even though so alike,
we couldn't be any more different.
But still
I guess
I'll never fall out of love
with the idea
I have of you.