I tell myself, I'm okay. When in reality I'm a scared little ******* the inside. They tell me I'm strong and I'm the strongest they've ever seen. But I'm this weak, terrified person fighting a constant battle with myself. I'm lost in an ocean of people trying to find the once happy, carefree girl that everyone loved. She's trapped in a padlocked box struggling to find her way out of the blackness. A lonely, melancholy cloud of darkness that has consumed and suffocated me; with anger, sadness, and hatefulness. Depression is a lonely figure of the night seeking out his prey; mindlessly waiting for that innocent person to **** their brains with thoughts of confusion for being told that, "It'll be over soon" and "what you're feeling is normal." Until you feel so insane that the doctor's stuff you're mouth with more pills. Feeling more like a ******, you soon start getting the cravings for that sharp, thick, cold metal. Wanting to feel the blade on your skin. You soon see the red crimson liquid leaving and slowly fall out of your body. You feel relief as the blade moves so effortlessly on your already damaged skin. But you stop, and those thoughts come back. So take more pills, then it becomes an endless cycle that won't end. People try asking if you're doing okay, you just nod, as you fake a smile and say "I'm fine." But you know you're not. They know so they stop asking because they know that you're just going to say the same thing. So you stop talking to them because you don't want them to see you weak for a second. Feeling as if your soul left your body, you take a seat on the floor of your shower. Letting the water make you cold. You let blade run over the skin and you watch the crimson liquid go down the drain.  This is goodbye, but God has other plans. As you are brought to life in front of him, he speaks the truth to you. "My child I know you're weak, I was once as well, but you can't let that stop you. People can't live without trees, fish need water to breath; so the world will be nothing with you. Be the best you, you can be." You feel cold as lay lifeless on the ground. Thinking that this is the end forever, you wake in the cold room and that's all dressed in white. You look up to the sad, worried faces that you thought never truly cared; are with you until the end and were there from the beginning. This new feeling is starting to take over your mind; as you're the one pushing Depression up against the wall at gunpoint. Just waiting for him to make a move; so you can pull that trigger. Trying so desperately to inch his way back into your mind, you scream and yell as you're going through this struggling battle you finally take that shot. You can breathe again.

So you thought it was easy,
but you know
It is all hailstone before the snow.
For what comes just goes
Seeking unknown, searching for something
And one day you learn without pain
We can have anything.
Too afraid to let go
You hold on to fading memories.
Too sober to realize
melting life in a quest for basic groceries.
Day after day exploring the vibes.
You all learn to grasp.
Cheating with a smile, hoping for a lie.
Til the last breath, you grasp.
So you thought it is easy.
But you know it is not.
You have to live and enjoy and never
greed for a lot of playing games with the blessing
a life, you forget what you need
and while you decide between heaven and hell
on earth, you can only bleed.

You open my doors to see my magical world
Getting your plates and bowls to eat your food
Then you come inside one last time
To pretend I have a magical place on the other side.

Everyone can feel this way
It can happen to anyone
I cause devotion and lust

We all know how it starts
Dry mouth and sweaty palms
Then the butterflies

We try to speak but we can’t
Nothing comes out
Then there’s a long pause between you both

Now your stomach is a knot
I can make this happen to anyone
I can also be filled with disappointment

That’s what I can do
That one boy you thought
You loved; Gone

That’s what I do
I cause heartbreaks
Then you start to hate the meaning of me
You don’t like what I have done

Love is a part of life
I wasn’t made to last
I come and go as I please
It’s not my fault, but I’m sorry to disappoint

But this is me
It’s how I was made
I’ll make you love again,
When you least expect it

When the weather starts getting colder
That’s when you see us
We fall out of the sky
Dancing so lightly as the wind blows us around

As were dancing
We start to stick to your nose and eyelashes
We start dancing even faster

You caught us in your hand
But when you open your hand
We sadly have to melt away

I’m untouchable, and unreachable
The more you try to touch me
The more I walk away

We have fun when the suns out
But sadly I must say goodbye
When it’s night

I follow to your favorite places
You tell me things that no one knows
I’m your best friend

I’m your guardian when you’re scared
You can ask me for advice
I cannot listen or speak
When you want me to answer

Even though I say good night
As the sun goes down
I’m never really gone

So don’t worry your little heart
It’s never really goodbye
I’ll see you tomorrow
When the sun comes back to life

Many things, thoughts running through my head.
Wondering when this will end.
Tired of thinking and worrying about other thoughts that don't matter.
I'm sitting in a quiet room; screaming and yelling. But no one hears the pain.
But no understands or care to ask.
There I am,
Alone,
Afraid to move.
Afraid to make a sound,
Waiting for another person to judge me.
Full of wondering thoughts about the outside world.
Waiting for my moment that's not ever coming.
Afraid to be hurt again.
Melancholy that the next words are I'm forever alone.
No one understands that I'm hurting, suffering, and ashamed.
People come and go,
But I'm the only one being left behind in the dust,
Stuck in my mind full of sorrow and demons, waiting to strike at any given moment.
Not understanding is better than not knowing.

Darkness,
All I see is darkness.
No light passing inside to me.
I become melancholy; drained,
From what you left behind.
Carefully picking up my pieces,
From the harmful words that come out of your mouth.

I don't have sight just feel.
I don't know what if you left or if your coming back.
I don't know how much love you gave her,
But I have it.
I can send sparks through the body,
Or send butterflies to stomach,
Having the love and passion explode through you.

Then it's gone,
The wonderful affect is left behind,
I don't know why??
I'm aching to have that back.
Begging for it.
Did she make you leave,
Or did you break it off?

Now I'm heading back into darkness,
Letting it consumer her,
I'm beating softer and softer,
Until I'm beating no more.
I'm gone,
She's gone.