I am not happy.
I have spent too long,
In a mold,
Self-imposed-
An idea of idealism
That didn’t quite take form.
Implied as it was
Buy the media
(who knew how to sell, too)
That I am not good enough
if I am just me.
But everything has significance,
Every letter and punctuation.
Every Capitol, and every lower case.
The fact maintains, that there are words at all.
There is substance behind symbol, and meaning behind sign.
And so, although they sold their wares on an “if”
They forgot that behind that “21 year old literature graduate, female”
There was a girl.
Full stop.

There was a girl
Who went to school
And studied something she thought she was passionate about.
And that girl grew, into a tree, into an animal- into the very breeze
She grew into the whole world

And was as big as could be.
And the media laughed.

And she was happy.

Hehe
A gentle giggle
So feminine
And delicate
And light
He he
Why then is he
Not allowed to be
What are these words?
How did we attach them to such ideas?
How do we let he-
Free to, haha, *hehe

A silent prayer
to the dead thing-
on the side of the road
Avert your eyes
but pay your respects
indistinguishable
          deformed
                   and once breathing
air
Empty lungs
once full of life
scampering/skittering
across the paved path
(bushy tailed and bright eyed
some may even say)

Now.
Avert your eyes and look away
as you say a silent prayer
to the dearly departed
(vermin)
on the side of the road

He was the nicest guy she’d met in a long while- it wasn’t about false flattery with him. He was genuine. He understood. And then it occurred to her that maybe he understood too well. Maybe he knew more than any of the other ones ever had before.
And she was right. Because that one night, after he thought she was his, they went out for drinks. And he saw her talking with another guy. He was the best listener she’d met in a while. And he was funny. And it wasn’t about false flattery with him. He didn’t understand quite the same way- but maybe that was for the best. And then he left the bar for a minute to explain to his girlfriend that he’d be late that night. And he looked at her, and she returned his look. She wasn’t sure what it was asking of her. Until she felt his hand on her leg. And then she understood. And she turned away. But he’d found the answer to his silent question.
“So he’s tonight’s conquest.”
And she swallowed her tears and drew lines in the little beads of sweat on the glass of beer in front of her. Because only she was allowed to look at them like that. Only she was allowed to think about them like that. Only she was allowed to see herself in that light.
But he had figured it out. He understood. And that terrified her.

“You Gorblax!” I cried out
In pain and in woe,
When suddenly I stubbed,
My littlest toe.
Spewing crude words
At the villainous wall,
I bumbled and grumbled
As I walked down the hall.
Then mother glanced over,
With the sternest of looks
“What have you been reading,
In all of those books?!”
I hung my head low,
Stroobling with shame
And softly I mumbled,
“What harm’s in a name?”
To mother’s dismay-
She thought she had taught me
What words I could say
And once more turned to lecture
In her old gorblax way.

Brought to new land, though old in comparison
Fought by the people in their land of origin
Induced by the government who meant it be fatal
To a language with so many words on the table

                They wanted new words; language infested
So many already and another invested
                In with the foreigners- teach us your ways!
Help us to lead our dear children astray

The people spoke up in a language their own
Turned the game ‘round with the mightiest groan
Supported a liar with money and power
Who promised the country, of teachers, to scour

Turns out in the end, they were lied to again
The new puppet in town’s under Russia’s ordain

A sweaty finger, and blinded eye
Aimlessly wandering amid muffled grunts
Lead me here
And turn me there
Whirring fan, outdoes the sounds
Suddenly deafened by padded walls
Let me guide you around
My fingers in your hand

The world flipped, and was
Turned upside down
When suddenly I,
Was leading around.
Careful,
Touch.
Oh-
Don’t make a sound