Every time I hear the sound of someone opening the front door I hope it's you coming in.
Every time I see my phone light up I hope it's you calling.
Every time I turn the corner I hope you're there.

I look for you in everyone.

When I look at them I don't see  beauty,
I see fat and ugly,
short and stocky,
plump
legs.
The part of myself that I hate the most
He loved.

And isn't that what love is?

I wanted to write a poem about you
But all I could think of was your smile.
And all the romantic notions in my head
Probably make you out to be better than you are.

today is the day

the day we will start living again

the day we remember to do all the things we love

today we will forget how to hate

for today and today only we will speak with our thoughts unguarded.

today is the day, for we will make this world a better place

a place that people will actually be happy to live in

today is the day, if we make it.

Has there ever been a time
Where you had a thought
A really profound thought
But you had no paper
No pen
Nothing to write it down on
So you say to yourself
I will write it later
I won't forget
But you forget
You never share that thought
It becomes lost
Forever

They are slippery and hard to catch
They drip and drop
They are murky and impenetrable

This fluent mess is impossible to get a grasp on.
These liquid hearts are so slick that it is like they are trying to run away.
Their murky substance screams that they are hiding.


And that they are.
These liquid hearts are running away and hiding
So that they will never have to scream again

I swung softly around the door and into his arms laughing,
So full of joy that neither one of us could stop smiling.
My phone started ringing and I silenced him with the tip of my finger to his soft lips.
It was my mother,
I told her I was just leaving and I would be right home.
We laughed together,
We couldn't bring ourselves to stop
When the laughter finally subdued,
He took my hand and led me barefoot into the middle of his grass laden yard.
He wrapped his long arms around me
As I laid my head on his chest he led me in a slow dance
We stayed like this,
Suspended in this beautiful moment
For what I wish was more than just a moment
And then it was over,
Our beautiful moment had left us
I ran to my car, opened the door, and sat in the driver's seat
Like I had done so many times before
And waited for him to walk over to me and tell me goodnight
His head dropped into the car as he kissed me and told me goodbye
I was so full of love and happiness that I felt I might burst,
The way I always felt around him
Finally, the time came when we had to truly say goodbye
I let go of his hand
As he gave me one final kiss and told me he loved me
I then shut the door and drove away.

Sometimes, only sometimes,
I can still feel you laying next to me
In the grass
Holding my hand.

Sometimes,
I can still hear your
Soft whispers in my ears.

Sometimes,
But only sometimes,
I let myself remember
Our good times.

And sometimes I miss you.
But
Only sometimes.

I am hiding
In my own small cave
I will not come out
I will not leave this shell of me

I am to remain here for as long as I can
I do not want to face the open breeze
The air is too cold
The earth is too cruel

In my cave I am safe
No one can get to me here
No one can hurt me

But safe does not always mean happy
Should I choose to forsake my cave
To forsake my safety

I am in a cave
It is dark and lonely
Lonely and safe from heartache

Decide today that there is something great.

Should I ask you about your love and life;

Would you rather I talk about your hate?

On the morrow the day will end in strife.

There will be a time when you will shine.

By chance the end will not come in the dark.

There is one that I know wants to be mine.

When you got to this place there was a spark

I wished for this moment of the long day

Where I could sit and ponder at your words.

Now that this is the time we shall delay

All of those times that get cut into thirds.

But you now are so gone, you are not here

The person I once knew will disappear.

I have done this one too many times
Over and over
The same words repeated

You say I don't love you

I say you don't love me
Not the way I love you
Not the way I do

My heart beats for you
I was made to be yours
You
Were supposed to be
The sun that lights the day
The flower among the sharp thorns

Now there is no sun
There are no flowers
Frigid cavalcade

You left me
Heart
Soul
Mind

You left me
Fragmentary

And you expected me to be okay
Without a word
No apology

When we are together
You are not there

You resolved to be by my side
With your body
But not mind

There was no intentionality

Our time has been squandered
And there is no remorse in your eyes
Arctic warfare