Falling into darkness fading into nothingness.
Never being able to erase the fear of knowing you'd always be alone.
Suffocating from never being loved the way you  have always loved.
Fearing the darkness loneliness of hell that you have always been in, why fear it now.
Feeling your self going transparent fading into darkness.
Not being able to pull your self into color.

The broken pieces of the no buddy that you've always been scattered.
The endless oceans of tears that you've cried evaporated.
Dragged to the pit of hell, torched in the flames of never ending pain.
Always suffering knowing you'll never be save.
Never belonging to anyone or any where but the endlessness of  the dark.      6-19-13

Two strangers walking in the knight.
One glance that seamed to last a life time.
Her smile as bright as the sun.
Her cheeks as red as blood.
The wind seemed to wait for that  moment in time to blow
as her long dark Red hair dances with the wind in the night sky.
His eyes so full of life as they hypnotize you.
With a smile that makes you smile and tingle inside.
The seconds past,  they wondering if they would ever see each other again.
Running from the rain. The same two strangers find shelter under a cherry blossom tree.
As they look up at each other there hearts skip at the same time.
So cold from the rain he can see her breath as it gets faster and faster.
As he takes a step towards her the rain stops.
The moon seemed to smile for them and lights up the night sky so they can see each other.
The moon light rays touch on her face.
His breathing is getting faster.
They move in closer so close they can feel the heat from there body's.
She feels as tho she will melt.
Her body shaking as he moves his hand to her face.
They stand there just staring into each others eyes.
As he moves closer to her his tall broad body blocks out the light from the moon.
She moves to him.  She pulls her hands up as she puts one arm around his neck and the other on his side.
She realizes just how Safe and strong he feels.
He pulls her closer with one hand that wraps all the way around her.
His other hand slides from her face through her hair around to the back of her neck.
So big and strong so many feelings she begins to cry
Her legs give way as he pulls her into him so much that her feet don't touch the ground anymore.
Finally there lips meet so soft his tong so gentle and passionately
dancing with hers.
Her body trammeling feeling as if there were thousands of butterfly's fluttering inside her body.
He pulls back a little this sensation runs through his body.
His heart skips then he jerks her back into him.
There lips never come apart as he picks her up into his arms and takes her into the house.
As they fall onto the bed cherry blossom petals glide over them.
Kissing as he lays her back softly on the bed
He starts to kiss down the side of her neck,
moving across to the front.
He raises up and unbuttons her shirt half way.
He sees how fast and deep her breathing has become,
as he kisses her now naked chest.
She stopped breathing for a seasoned with a gasp
He looks at her with those deep hypnotizing eyes and said
cloudy with rain showers all day.
As she jumps up in bed her alarm is going off with the news man talking about the weather.      6-20-13

Trying to avoid the darkened voices in my head.
The unbearable pain of trying to make them stop.
Turning my loving heart into the darkened hole of nothingness.
Turning the once beautiful women I wanted to become to the hateful ***** that i'am and hate so much.
There voices telling me over and over just how worthless i'am, and how no buddy loves me no buddy cares. The useless person taking up space.     Why even try.
   Over and over again they tell me the voices in my head.
Why cant they stop why dose it cause so much pain trying to make them go away.

With this hands they once would feel the flowers full of love and life nurturing caring for them to blossom and bloom.
Now this touch  feels them full of hate and loneliness that weathers and decay them into ash.

All it takes is fake beautiful smile to hide the pain and broken soul you have. They will never notice how broken and far you have falling into the darkest loneliness .  They just believe the fake you put on. He never looks inside to see you the real you.If he would  just look into your eyes. He would see how much pain he puts you in, how much he is killing you and just how far you have fallen  from you. You have gotten so good at the fake you. He don't see that you've been replaced with this fake  The you that you use to know and love into this fake one you hate so much. But you play pretend to make him happy everything you do everything you are is all for him. Everything you are always for him. You believe when he says.    The      I love you with all my heart .     The you are the ONE .    The  Always and FOREVER      The Your so beautiful.      The Always you.   But then knowing he's not in love with you anymore that he is giving his love to someone else. You fake never to show that you know. You stay to never  be alone. Never again well you be alone you can't not again. Is it not the same to be with him and be alone. Or to be without him and be alone. Why is your all not enough for him. He takes your life and soul and takes never giving anything back to you but fake himself. nothing but pain. Why dose she have to go through this why is she always alone and faking to be someone she's not. All she ever wanted was to be loved for the women she is just to be held to be kissed for the women she is but all she get this the fake why. Why does misery love her so much why is pain that runs through her vanes . Loneliness is her soul and the emptiness of a fake women is her life.  Never to let go always to be alone and fake to make him happy you stay in pain with the beautiful fake smile he says he loves so much. Never knowing the person you used to be the one you loved. The one you could look in the mirror and say hi beautiful. She is lost no one can ever see her again. He has took her life consumed all of  her spirit. All that remained Is the Hollow Monster Inside.

Sorry not a poem more of a sort story .


Do you know what it's like to be ugly never to feel beautiful. To be the ugly one. To be caste aside pushed down and beaten. Just because they say your not beautiful. Your the ugly one. Do you know the pain of being thrown away with the trash and how much the loneliness consumes you. Dragging you to the darkness. Those names that tear  you to pieces.
The your ugly how can you show your face.
The your a no buddy why are you here.
The you are the most disgusting thing i have ever seen.
The I can't believe your parents keep you after they seen your face.
The you should just **** your self  just die no one would even notice that you did.
The laughing the whispering over and over again.
You never belonging any where.  Never having a friend just someone to talk to. Someone that believed in you . Someone that didn't think you'r ugly.  Someone that would save you. But no.
Your just always wishing that someone would save you. Praying please just this time please god help me make them stop please just this once please save me. I can't do this any more all this pain and emptiness why can't i be saved why can't i be loved . As you lay there on the grown bleeding beaten crying screaming for your life no one comes.
You ask your self as you lay there not able to move in so much pain.
WHY    WHY what did you ever do to deserve this for all these years all this pain WHY
Why have I been left alone in the darkness.
Why just because i'm not beautiful in there eyes.
Please tell me why i was born this way why is the world this way.
Alone ugly beaten as my soul begins to go black being pulled into the darkness.
Why can't i be saved.
No never for you always   always alone and ugly.
There hate. There words filling your body with nothingness and hear them over and over again never ending in you mind they just play over and over cutting into your soul take the very life out of you.
Pushing you deeper and deeper onto the edge pushing tell there is no where for you to go.
This.   This is the last time never will they beat you never will they make you bleed. Never will they make you feel pain.
So you clime and clime tell you reach the top of the water tower.
Finley you can be free.
Finely there will be no more pain.
Finley for the first time in years you can smile   looking up at the stars free.
I take that last steep falling to the grown as i look up at the stars. I smile spreading my arms out like i'm flying finely at piece. I feel i saved my self,      am I saved? Then it flashes no one well care no one well cry. You will never be missed. Now even before death your alone always and for ever alone.

There went that happy feeling. The feeling of being free of being saved gone just like that.
Some how it seems she had been falling for some time now in slow motion.
Now no more smiles just tears that run down her face.
Why this!   She can't even die happy and free from the pain. Why can't this  girl just be happy and believe just this once she is beautiful and free away from the pain just this time. How can they even take that from her.   Why?

Then smack something hits her arm and her body goes slamming into the wall.
With her tears streaming down her face she looks up and sees a bluer of a dark broad body hanging off the latter holding on to her so tightly.
The other one they called ugly. As she wipes her eyes with her other hand to dry the tears. She looks up at him she never looked at him before always looking at the ground afraid to look up but here and now she did. She doesn't  understand the man she sees is anything but ugly with the moon that lightens up his face and the wind gently blowing his hair he smile at her. She gasped and her face turns red. She sees just  How his smile makes her heart skip  how gently but strongly he is as he holds onto her. He speaks so softly to her this must be what they call fate were are here to save each other I was here to be free too, but us here at the same time. I know something brought us together. As i watched you falling you looked like an angel Spirit that lost her wings and i had to save you.  Because you are here to save me from my broken wings too. So forgive me i could not let you fall. Our soul spirits weaved flying together in the air.
  So what do you say. Should we let they fly together?  He said to her.   Her body trembling tears began to flow down her face  but with a smile that would light up the darkest part of hell.  
    He smiles back at her  and says i'll take that as yes. He pulls her into him and wraps  him arms around her holding her ever so tightly as she cry's. Just holding her he spoke so softly again to her I'll stay with you tell the end of time I well love you tell the end of my life. You well never be alone again.
Finely she was loved.
Finely never alone again.
Finely she was saved.
But no it was just the flash in her mind before she hit the grown.
There is NO LOVE NO HOPE NO GOD NO ONE GIVES A ****

So alone how can you be with someone and be so alone at the same time . you are nothing to him just there. You know it's not you any more just how much can you go through how much pain can your body handle. How many times can you let him take your heart and pull it out and dance on it with her. She knows all about you. you have talked to her. You can see it in her eyes the i'm ******* your man,  looks she gives you. why   why how can i do it. Every day playing like i don't know where he is going why.  Is it that much better to be with him than to be alone. How many towns can you flood with the tears. All the smiles you put on for all this years why why how can i why with everything he has did why. Why do i stay please help me   help me