Red lights wink
They’re calling- they want me to step-

Where’s the moon? The stars?
It’s so dark out. Where are you going?
Red lights, where are you going?

My pants are soaked. Its cold-
The yellow line under my hand.
Red lights, where did you go?

Where- it’s so bright.

nothingness buzzes—
static sharp—
from a box screen
the galaxy spins
around my legs, arms, chest

take me with you.

I am nothing.
Swallow my pills and thoughts
To an empty abyss at the end of my throat
Scream raw, ***** in a vacuum
Can anyone hear me?
Please?
I am nothing. dont let me be-

its christmas, baby
can you feel the weather?
you always loved the snow.

its a little cold today, baby
you can have my coat, my gloves-
baby! it doesn't fit-
it doesn't fit the stone, baby.

youre going to freeze-
baby, youre going to freeze
down there. its so cold.

Don’t undress me
With your eyes.
I wish I could show you-
Raised, jagged, ugly marks
But I can’t.

So we dance
With clothes on,
Until you get bored.

Where are you? Won’t you come home?
It’s getting late.
Baby, I’m starting not to like this.
Put them down. You’re making me nervous.

Where are you? Won’t you come home?
It’s getting late.

The carpet reeks of mud and scraps of food
I can feel them crawling on me
Eight little legs, eight little eyes
Scampering, clawing, biting, digging
Through the cracks of my skin, my molecules, atoms
They’re in my veins, my brain
Am I anything? Am I gone? Am I nothing
But webs, tangled, rotten?
Cut me open. Stick a hose in my mouth.
Wash them away.
I can feel them crawling on me.

Little snowflakes plummet behind glass panes.
Are they mocking me?
Do they know? Can they see my arms and legs?

A car shivers beneath street lights.
Will she know when I’m gone? Is she sad I left her
Alone?

what's my name?
can you tell me
I must have forgot
something new is bothering me
I can't seem to escape my brain
it's lonely
it's boring
it's everything.

I don’t want the curtains to close
The shows not over
You’re my love-
Say I”m yours
Its so hard to give up
Hold on-
Shelter me from my mind.

You’re my love-
Say I’m yours

Is it fine? I don’t know why,
But I need your approval.
My last finger’s holding on now.
Can I let go? I’m sure you’ll be fine.

If I fall, what will I leave behind?
Will you still love me?
Is all of this for nothing?
Just let me know.

I’m sure you’ll be fine.

I’m disgusting
I think I’m going to spill my guts
All over myself
I can’t stand it
Living in this skin
In this mind
I’m trapped
Help me! I can’t get out!
Please!

what's true? do you feel anymore?
we're so disconnected. you scrolled the year away.
the planet is burning. people are dying.
do you even feel?

Do you wish I was more, baby?
That I could say ‘I love you’
In more than a whisper-
That I could hold your hand
Without shrinking-
Whats wrong with me, baby?
It’s not fair.

They’re everywhere. Let me hide.
I can’t face them.
Piercing, stabbing.
What do they know? Do they know?

What’s behind your irises?
They’re beautiful. They’re terrifying.
Two, but they’re multiplying.
Stop. Make them stop.

Those swirling gases are fading.
It’s not blue, black. It’s gray. So gray.
Am I desaturated or is the sun rising?
Colors dance in a kaleidoscope twirl
Around my fists. Stay with me.
The sun is so pretty.

How are you willing to give yourself to me?
I can’t seem to get close
limbs frozen solid
Im terrified to be so open

But you’re so warm
Melt me
Arms wrap and scorch my waist
******* lips
Im still so terrified.

what is wrong with us?
sipping tea in blood stained clothes.
millions swarm. stab. shoot. eat melted flesh.
millions weep. scream. bleed. DIE with their kids.
millions sit. stare. drink. eat. yawn
in heated robes.
What is wrong with you?

I hate this game
To stagnate to move
To care-
So why are my eyes leaking?
Why is my throat raw?

What is this?
You’re a moonbeam-
It’s so blinding
So binding

Seep through the cracks of my skin
Gnaw at my veins
My heartbeat slows.
Can you feel it?

Tell me we’re alright?

Is my skull eroded, decayed?
I want something more- to be something more.
But how can I be anything more
than this?

Petals shrivel at the brush of my fingers.
Icicles drip off moth eaten clothes.
I’m forced to exist. Why?

Stop it. Why are my hands red?
I can’t breathe. My chest-
What are you doing? My shadow-
It’s on me. It’s here.
Let me go. Please, stop it.

let me crawl
away to my hole
and hide until
the galaxies reflect
off my translucent skin

my eyes are burning,
crystallizing.
let me drift away.

i want to fly away
far far away
if i close my eyes i can feel it
my arms shifting, breaking apart
morphing, forming-
into mangled raven wings
the window calls for me
i'm flying-
flying-
my wings are gone.

Why do I feel this way?
I promised I would never.
I don’t deserve you, baby.
You know I’m right.

But maybe I’m allowed this one gift.
Your twinkling eyes, your Saturn smile.
If only I knew it would last.
If only I wasn’t so afraid.

My love. Mine.

The ceiling looks down
corroded, broken, messy
eyes look up
glassy, lifeless, empty

Is it over yet?

Please
I can’t stand it
Where are you? Where am I?
I can’t commit to anything

Help me
Can’t you—

It’s not the same
You know I wish you were here
don’t you? Dedication to the tree.
She doesn’t know you. I hate it.

Old videos, pictures, memories
I hate them now.
I hate that I hated them then.
You then. I wish you were here.

You’re not. You’re not coming back.
I cant stop thinking, wishing, dreaming.
You’re here. I’m happy. Everyone’s
normal again.

can you see through my chest?
the bathroom floor waiting for me
the box of razors below my bed
is it enough for you to leave me?
baby, are you leaving?

Why would I give you my heart?
I know you’re going to break me.
Why would you break me?
Take it back, baby.
Take it all back.
You didn’t mean it right?
Say you didn’t mean it.

I loved you.
But I’ll take it back.

will I be happy? be loved?
when I'm skinny, thin?
weighed down, a freak, monster
while everyone else is flying.

baby, how do you love something
like me? this rotten bag of flesh.
I wish I was better for you.

sit on the tiles.
water falls as time
slips away -
drifts down the drain -

would i feel the same if i floated away?
where am i?
did the world pass me by?

should i be gone?

I think my lungs are giving up

In
Out
In
Out

They’re tired.
I am tired.

I think I’m giving up.

When will this end?
Is it too good for me to last?
Why do you love me?
When are you leaving?

Can you see me?
Im looking, but the world blends away.
There’s so much on my mind.
What about you?

Baby-
What are you thinking?
Why is it so hard to live in this moment?
What are you thinking?
Where did you go?
Are you still here?

I love you, baby-
What are you thinking?