The carpet reeks of mud and scraps of food
I can feel them crawling on me
Eight little legs, eight little eyes
Scampering, clawing, biting, digging
Through the cracks of my skin, my molecules, atoms
They’re in my veins, my brain
Am I anything? Am I gone? Am I nothing
But webs, tangled, rotten?
Cut me open. Stick a hose in my mouth.
Wash them away.
I can feel them crawling on me.

I am nothing.
Swallow my pills and thoughts
To an empty abyss at the end of my throat
Scream raw, ***** in a vacuum
Can anyone hear me?
Please?
I am nothing. dont let me be-

Is my skull eroded, decayed?
I want something more- to be something more.
But how can I be anything more
than this?

Petals shrivel at the brush of my fingers.
Icicles drip off moth eaten clothes.
I’m forced to exist. Why?

Why do I feel this way?
I promised I would never.
I don’t deserve you, baby.
You know I’m right.

But maybe I’m allowed this one gift.
Your twinkling eyes, your Saturn smile.
If only I knew it would last.
If only I wasn’t so afraid.

My love. Mine.

Don’t undress me
With your eyes.
I wish I could show you-
Raised, jagged, ugly marks
But I can’t.

So we dance
With clothes on,
Until you get bored.

Why would I give you my heart?
I know you’re going to break me.
Why would you break me?
Take it back, baby.
Take it all back.
You didn’t mean it right?
Say you didn’t mean it.

I loved you.
But I’ll take it back.

Little snowflakes plummet behind glass panes.
Are they mocking me?
Do they know? Can they see my arms and legs?

A car shivers beneath street lights.
Will she know when I’m gone? Is she sad I left her
Alone?