is this what he felt like
on the edge
like he was drowning
falling
at the end
dead

Cold, clean, silent
   Beauty
      walls swaying around
        on the edge of insanity
           slowly breaking
             slowly breathing
               falling
  Gravity

for breakfast I had
a glass of water
along with xanax

for lunch i had an apple
and the illusion that i was full
while taking another xanax

for dinner i had numbers
and once i saw them
i wasn't hungry anymore

Im addicted to seeing the number drop.
111
110
105
100
95
90
And it would just keep going lower and lower...
If I could do it.
If the numbers did drop, I wouldn't punish myself.
Food restricting.
Fasting.
Throwing up.
If the numbers just dropped this wouldn't happen.

Now, there's only two ways to feel alive,
and that is to be either happy or sad.
Because each feeling does something to us,
something akin to drugs.

Sad
We know that when your 'sad' you get pills
Because thats the best way to go,
banish the problems underneath your pillowcase where the nightmares are.
Codeine makes the pain go away.
Riddlin makes you calm.
Xanax makes you happy,
or so you think.
For a while.