Breath in breath out. Sad that I have to remind myself.
Only when I'm looking at you.
You turn your head and I look away, instantly regretting words that I cannot say.
The thoughts when I wake up,and lay down my tired head, are always the same ones- thoughts of words I never said.                                                            ­                            
Being with you'd be driving a sin parade.
Being without you gets more painful every single day.                                                             ­                                                             
Liv­ing like this is killing me so quickly, often I wonder, when will I ever sleep?              
Why does my happiness seem so out of reach?
When I'm not around you, my tears fall endlessly.                                                       ­                                                         
Thoughts of you knowing frighten me in my dreams.
I know all about you, oh and it kills me...

You asked about my night,
It was cold, especially my hands, I thought I'd lose fingers I laughed.
"You should have worn gloves", you told me, "or had a cute man to hold your hand..."
I know, where were you? I smiled
"Sorry, I would've held all of you if I was there." I could here your grin,
The one that fills my head with thoughts of sin.
Maybe in a couple years? I can only hope...
"Definitely" You said.

I will be okay
If for Christmas I get what I want,
I don't want an iPhone, those new boots or any of that infomercial junk.
I want to be together again,
I want to be a family,
But I don't think that is something Santa can bring me.
It used to be okay, I mean, it was never great,
But it was definitely better than this.
You were supposed to be family, always there for me,
You used to be there for me and I want that again,
But I don't think that is something Santa can bring me.
You haven't talked to me in over a month and I wonder,
Where are you Daddy, why haven't you called me?
Call me, Dad
That is what I want for Christmas.
Forget those neon guitar picks
Because that is something Santa can bring me.
I want you to call and be honest
Honest
And to be honest... that is something Santa can't bring me.

She's a girl and you're a man,
A man not a boy,
When you said she was entertaining did you mean only like a toy? A toy you can just play, break and throw away?
She's confused.
Maybe you're just busy with life while she's still just growing up, my God you're old enough to have a wife.
She's confused.
One great night,
Maybe that's all it was and she should just accept it.
If it was up to her she could forget it.
The age difference is killing her and the mixed signals are willing her, to do what?
Keep trying, give up?
She doesn't know.
She doesn't want to.
Yes she does.
She's lost.
The girl is lost and confused, but what about the man?
Tell me _ , what about you?
Do you feel the way I do?
When you said you loved me I thought it was a joke,
But was it true?
I'm confused.
I haven't known you long but it feels like forever to me,
Forever.
How can one night be forever?
Is it worth it to endeavor?
Or just to wonder if I'll ever,
Ever be good enough
I ask myself in vain.
Either way I know ends with pain, that much I am sure.
Living so far away, having a difference in age,
Is true love even a cure?
It should be.
It could be.
Maybe I wish it would be.
I'm confused.
I'm lost.
I've been through a lot.
I'm still waking up in hopes that it was just a dream.
A dream or a nightmare?
I can't recall.
If I took a risk could I lose it all?
Would that help?
Losing it all?
Maybe I'm being stupid,
Compared to this "problem" I feel so small.
I must be diluted
To just fall.
To fall so hard.
Staring at this wall maybe I'll get away?
Get away and forget the day,
Forget the time I was confused and lost.
How long until I just exhaust?
Love, it comes at too high a cost.
I'm confused and lost
Lost in my thoughts.
I don't cry easily but maybe it's time
I once heard a friend of mine say "Crying only means you've been too strong for too long"
Too late, I'm gone, so far gone
Lost in my thoughts, gone, unending as it seems
Somehow I'll survive, I'll figure out what exactly God's test means.
In the future I'll hopefully be, no, know I will be
The girl who was once confused, once lost
The one that became a woman
After she defined lost and beat the cost.
The cost of love.