She's my gasoline and I am her fire. Put us both together
and we can make love brighter.
I'm her Superman
and she's my kryptonite
because the feeling
is just way too hard to fight.

I don't know what more had to happen to push me over the edge
I was at the carnival and I had this vibe, this feeling
I thought I would see J
And low and behold, I did
It was really nice to see her and talk to her
I haven't seen her since May
Okay, this is the part where I get sarcastic
It was really nice to her......
With her boyfriend........
Holding hands........
And having their arms around each other
I don't know what hurt more:
Seeing her with him
Or knowing that she would never feel the same
She introduced me to him and I acted cool like I didn't care, even though it was really bothering me
I faked a really good smile
It hurt, but I got through
The best part was when she left, even though I hate to see her go
I didn't have to deal with guilt
I thought I'd be sick
I tried drinking something, but that made my stomach feel worse
Anyway, she waved and said bye to me
It was nice
She hadn't forgotten about me

Smile on the outside
Dying on the inside
Hide away the pain
Don't let them know you're struggling
Gotta cope with this
****** neurotic mess
Tell yourself to move on
Because she's already gone
Think about it all the time
Pray about it every night
You're lost and never found
So go and lay your head down
Breaking into creases
Falling to pieces
Don't wanna play the blame game
And you feel so ashamed
Tell yourself it's over
The healing's getting closer
Balance your emotions
Quit causing a commotion
Tired of your problems
Cuz Lord knows that you got them
Love another girl
But that opens another can of worms
Heart's committing suicide
Go and find a place to hide
Look up to the sky
And you ask God why
Hell is getting closer
Yeah it's taking over
Try not to let your heart break
You're on the edge of heartache

Passionate kiss,
You clawing at my shirt
I can feel you
Your hair in a craze
Your fingers through mine
You whisper, "Oh God, how I waited for you."

We met up somewhere
For just a chat
I must say it's been quite a while
Since we've done that
I can't say what I've felt
All those lonely months without you
But now here you are again
So tell me, what's new with you?
I've been good
I've been better
Hey honey
Did you receive my letter?
We had our little talk
Then I had to walk
I wanted to talk more
Instead, I went inside behind that door
What a crazy day
You dropped me off
I had to watch you
And then you drove away

I cannot do this anymore
Cuz things are not like they were before
I hope you understand
You said you needed a little time
But you had another thing in mind
Another man
I don't wanna fight, I don't wanna play
I think that we should go our separate ways
But without you, what would I do?
What would people say?
I think the world would know my name

Who knew doing the right thing would came off as so wrong to others?

I'm sorry, but shouting inappropriate things to others students at lunch is just not acceptable to me.
They can hate me if they want. ***** all you want. It doesn't change anything. I don't feel sorry.
And I never will. Go ahead and keep saying those things, only to me now. I don't give a ****.
We can see who the mature person is. I took a stand and everyone, even my friends, say I shouldn't have done it.
Okay sure. I can see it from their side. But then they bring up the time I reported someone for carrying knives in school.
How the hell can they say that wasn't the right thing? What, just because that person is your friend or you don't suspect
they would ever slash someone? Oh yeah, well no one though Alex Hribal would stab anyone, but he ended up
slashing 21 people. To make my point even more clear, this happened a week after the Franklin Regional stabbing
occured. So do you really think a cautious person like myself wouldn't report that? You are insane if you think that.
One boy said to his friends purposefully loud enough for me to hear, "You know what the Bible says? Snitches get stitches."
Oh, that's mature. What are you gonna do? Tell my mommy on me? Tell your mommies on me? Look at me, I'm trrembling with fear.
Oh please. Get over yourself.

I fell for you like the rain does on a stormy day.
Hard when it hits the ground, helplessly just as it does,
Uncontrollably with no thought,
Drowning in a sea of unrequited love

When I first saw you
I thought nothing of it
But then I fell in love
You were all I wanted

But I've taken time
I take up your time
I made up my mind
So I'm leaving today
Hope you find a way

I hope you get what you deserve
Because I don't deserve you
You don't deserve me
You deserve someone you need
And we don't match
Our love was cut in half
We're always apart
So what am I gonna
What am I gonna
What am I gonna do with this heart?

When we talk
I feel disillusioned
You were part
Of my confusion

But I've given it thought
Think about it a lot
No, I have not forgot
You think I don't care
But I'm actually scared
No this love game ain't fair

I will always remember
That one perfect September
We were together
We said forever
Until it ended that lonely November

I hope you get what you deserve
Because I don't deserve you
You don't deserve me
You deserve someone you need
I hope you're treated well
I can break the spell
You ran away with my heart
Love was changed from the start
We're always apart
So what I'm gonna
What am I gonna
What am I gonna do with this heart?

I've never been so sure in my life
I was sitting on my bed
First of all, I'd like to point out
That on Facebook, you can star your friends
And get emails when they update their status
So I do that for my friends
Anyway, I was going through my inbox
And a certain email caught my eye
All I saw was, "J...... is in a relationship"
And my heart dropped
I got that nervous feeling you get
When you're afraid to do something
My mouth was almost on the floor
I wanted to cry
I thought I was gonna be sick
And it's ridiculous because I know I have no shot
But I still care
It's that feeling you get
When the ex you still love gets in a relationship
And I feel like Christians are more successful in relationships
Everytime I see her, I'm going to get that sick feeling
And she still doesn't know
Because now,
It's so hard not to say
I don't wanna risk losing her like I did with M
That was a train track to hell
Just another accident waiting to happen
And it totally ***** because she promised me that we'd hang one day
But the chances of that going to happen have just been lowered
Because she's going to want to see him
I don't know the guy personally
But he went to the same school as J
She told me she liked him
When she went to prom with him
I was just hoping he wouldn't like her back
I know it's selfish
But I just want it to end
It's hard watching that
I guess you could say I saw it coming
But I just prayed it wouldn't happen
I don't wanna lose her
I knew they were gonna date
They're best friends
And that's what hurts the most
She's such a perfect person
And judge me if you want,
But I don't care
She has all of the qualities of a best friend
She's nice
She's sweet
She's reliable
Perfect
And I may be crazy,
But I just don't care
People can say what I want
But she's not like M
M was just different
A different person to me
Somebody that I used to know
I wrote this around 5:30 a.m.
That shows you how much sleep I've lost
I got around 5 hours
That *****
Everytime I think about it,
My stomach just gets queasy
It's so selfish of me to want them to break up
but I just don't know
Doesn't that make any normal person who is having their heart broken?
Don't I have a right to wish that?
Doesn't that make me human?
It's just what I want
J is different from all the others I've liked
The others really didn't care about me
She has gotten me through some stuff
She actually cares
We talk like best friends sometimes
I remember when she was picking out dresses for prom
And there was no one more excited to show me her dress than she was
And I just to tell her so bad
And you have no idea how much it hurts not to tell
But **** it, it is
I just don't want her to judge me like the others did
All I do is pray
I mean, isn't that all I can do?
I guess my eyes have really opened up
Right now, it's still just hard to take in
It's so hard to believe
But it's happening
I'm thinking about it so much that my eyes aren't even tired
Despite getting 5 hours of sleep
And I wish I could tell people are church (youth group)
But I'm afraid of judgment there
I guess that's a chance I gotta take
Most people there are friends with her
I'm not concerned with them telling her
As much as I am with them feeling uncomfortable about knowing
And not being able to tell her
All I know is this can't get back to her
It just can't
It'd be all over if it did
My mom would be like, "Be careful. I don't want another lawsuit." (That's a whole other story)
And I'd be like, "Nah it's okay. M's cool with it."
But look what happened with that
And I'm afraid that J won't know how to handle it
Just like M
And people say I obsess
This time, I don't think it's obsessing
I think it's true love this time
I really think I love J
But I can't let her know that
I don't wanna scare her away
God, if I had one shot,
It would make a difference
I could make her happy
I know I could
But I guess I just can't
I just can't stop thinking about it
What the hell am I supposed to do?
I'm scared to death right now
I guess that's the way my life was meant to be
It's always been that way
Fall for someone.
Get stabbed in the heart.
I've just been disillusioned
I thought I was safe
I thought I could make it happen
But that's me getting carried away
And it ***** that fate is an elegant, cold-hearted *****
And it doesn't matter how many times I go through this
It will always be J
Always and forever
My friends actually encouraged me to forget about everyone else
And focus on her
I did that
Sorta.
And I know I'm just some obnoxious kid
But I can be better than that
If I had a shot, I could show you
Just give me one chance
Please
God please
Maybe this is a punishment for everything I've done
I've been disillusioned and let down by so many people
If J and that guy get married,
I hope she doesn't invite me
Cause I'm not sure I'd be there to see it (If you catch my drift)
I can't live with hell
And again, I don't care what anyone says
It's my life
Let me live it the way I want to
Of course, this isn't the way I want my life to be,
But if I wanna fall for someone like this, I will
I just want to tell someone
Let it all spill out
It's just so devastating
I don't think I can ever be happy again
It's just like that
My whole world has come to an end
Right now, that guy has it all
He has it all in his hands
And I just can't stop thinking about how he's kissing her
And holding her hand
And has his arms around her
When all I'm thinking is, "That should be me."
Please don't turn into anything serious
She's gonna fall in love with him
I know it
And I'll be just another shadow in the crowd
J doesn't know it,
But she's everything to me
She's everything
And I'm sure along the line,
Some people will laugh at me
Some will feel sympathy
Some will say, "Get over it."
Some will say, "You never had a chance."
Some just won't care
Some will say, "Just move on."
God it's not that easy
You don't understand what I've been through
You don't know what it's like
You don't know how hard it is to just let it go that fast,
Especially with OCD
So until you've actually gone through it and understand it,
Don't tell me to move on
I've never had someone love me like that
Can someone just change their mind?
Please?
The sad thing is haven't actually cried yet
But eventually, my tears will build up inside of me
And I'll end up flooding myself
One chance is what I'm asking for
Is that too much to ask for?
Just one chance
I can prove everyone and everything wrong.
I guarantee I can
Please just trust me

I try to wash away the pain and scars
And the thought of fatality
But they just won’t seem to go away
From what you did to me

All the time, I pray to God
That someday, I’ll be set free
I hope one day, I’ll get my way
You still did what you did to me


I can’t believe you doubted me
You never seemed to care
I always wanted to say something
But never really dared

I hope I’ll be able to breathe again
And see the light eventually
And I've said I’m sorry a million times
Even though you did what you did to me

I wouldn't care if you said
“You mean so much to me”
You underestimated me and pushed me away
Why’d you do what you did to me?

I can’t believe you doubted me
You never seemed to care
I’ve always wanted to say something
But never really dared

I loved you before and that’s a fact
But a million apologies could never bring me back
Now I’m trying to find that open door
To get me to the place I’m looking for

And now it’s time to say goodbye
To everything I lost and see
Anything you say to apologize
Can’t make up from what you did to me

I can’t believe you doubted me
You never seemed to care
I’ve always wanted to say something
But never really dared

I want to believe everything I know
And I just want to leave
But you never wanted anything I wanted
This is what you did to me

I’ve been down that road before
Can’t believe everything I’ve seen
I hated you, yeah, I guess that’s life
You’ll be known as the one who did what you did to me

There had been a threat. Someone against her. I asked her how she was after it. She was better. I told her I wouldn't let anything happen to her. She smiled that smile and said, "Thank you. You're so sweet." And as I slowly walked away, I whispered under my breath, "Only because I'm in love with you."

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now, it looks as though they're here to stay. I believe in yesterday."

I had to tell him yesterday that we couldn't go to prom together because of my stupid school rules. I could feel his heart breaking through the text. And I'm sure he could not only feel it, but hear it too. Because my heart was beating so loud with anger. He's such a nice guy who won't try to pull anything on me. But no. Gotta go by the rules for prom. Can't make a **** exception for the girl who lucky enough to actually have someone to go with. He said he would've loved to go with me. That breaks my heart because I would've loved to go with him too. But no. My school doesn't care about feelings or education. All they care about is money. Okay. Well how about this? I won't go to prom, which means no money from me in your pocket. That seems fair, right?

What happens to a dream
If it doesn't come true?
Will be the truth be revealed?
Will I not have you?
Do our fears lead us?
Do they stay or go away?
Those times of trouble, pain is doubled
With nothing left to say

And I say
You're fading away
My dream, my love
Going away
Will you stay?
Please don't fade away

My dream explodes with anger
What on Earth will I do?
Yeah tell me what will I do
If I don't have you?
If it doesn't come true?
My dream is you

And I say
You're fading away
My dream, my love
Going away
Will you stay?
Please don't fade away

It drags behind me
My thoughts serenade me
Does it eat you up
Til you can't breathe
Like it has to me?
Does it hurt you a lot
Knowing there won't be love?

I can see it
But I can't reach it
I'm chasing after it
After you

And I say
You're fading away
My dream, my love
Going away
Will you stay?
Please don't fade away

What happens to a dream
If it doesn't come true?
Is the truth revealed?
Will I not have you?

What do you want me to say?
Do you want me to lie?
You would've found out either way
You said you need some time
Because everytime we talk, you'd feel weird
And I'm not trying to hurt you
Do you hear me here?

You won't love me, love me
Never ever
You won't love me, love me
We won't be together

You said you're sorry if I regret telling you this
And maybe it'd be possible to find someone who shares the same interest
So I can move on from you

You said I'm wasting my time on you
But sometimes, I feel it'd be easier to waste time than have to move on from you
That's how much I love you

You can keep this a secret
I assume that
You can talk to me whenever
I hope you know that

You can live
You can breathe
You can live
And you can breathe

You say it's not my fault
I shouldn't be ashamed
You can be uncomfortable
And I'll be the one to blame

You said I'm wasting my time on you
But I feel it'd be easier to waste time than have to move on from you
Please don't feel weird anymore
And like the Spill Canvas said
"Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted *****."