I am the string
that tied you around
the man tied to the bottle
your love was not full throttle;
the bottle can't love you back
can't pay you back
things were always out of whack.

But in your heart there was a fire
a deep burning desire
to love someone who wouldn't be like that
who would always love you back
so the stars gave parts of themselves
to meld me for you
but a child (or two)
won't undo
can't fix
or release
how how your heart has been breached.

Your life isn't the beach you envisioned.
No, it must be more like a prison
to live your life for somebody else
never actualizing your "self"
I can't imagine how that felt
Here's your accomplishment under the belt:
two children lost in the sea of themselves
because you never found your well
deep inside of you
made up of the river of your soul
whose waters whisper that your happiness is the only goal
doing what you love and loving who you are:
that is your role.

You dug, but never got that far
and you never set the bar
to be who you are -
had to learn that on my own.
I am Ryan,
locally grown
home grown
self grown.
I am my own
yet forever a loan
you cash out for happiness
with the best of intentions
the love we share is no invention
but I just need to mention
you're a divine woman for surviving
but getting by isn't thriving.

You've made it this far
and you are who you are
stand in the center of that
and swat
every thought
that doesn't contribute
to a room with a view
in the center of you.
You will find in your mind
you can make all your dreams come true
you just have to follow through
yes, it's true,
your happiness depends on you
and what you choose to do.

"That's just the way the world works,"
but what if it wasn't?

What if
instead of finding ways
to condemn people
for actions we can't comprehend
we were building systems
that don't need to "fix em"?
The leaky faucet created the flood
can't you see the stream of blood
of those who never got to swim
above the water
of the white, hetero-normative rat race?

What if
instead of accepting the destruction
of the air we breathe
the water we drink
& the Earth we stand on,
we were actively avoiding
our futile fate
where instead of consume we create?
We're not here to annihilate.

What if
instead of measuring intelligence
by how well a student can
appeal to authority
and regurgitate the wrong information
we were putting emphasis
on building good character
& pursuing passions?

Because these things
will never go out of fashion.

I feel my feet on the ground
but it's my heart I haven't found
perpetually getting lost in my ego
instead of just letting it go.
A deep connection I feel
to all that is real
rooting me into being
the very notion is freeing.

Free to me is the best way to be
but my heart you see, is an absentee
leaving through the side door
searching for something to stand for
forgetting all along
there is only one place it belongs
here.
now.

There are days that the way
the sun shines through the trees
brings me to my knees.

There are days that force me to pray
when the world tilts on its axis
and my being is consumed by blackness.

There are days when life aligns
there are days when life feels like a lie.

There are days that leave bruises
on my heart and on my skin.

There are says when those same bruises
will be kissed until I'm well again.

Life is full of contradicting forces
the world personifies its beauty all around
but evil still lurks, often without making a sound
but when it hums it roars
and when it rains it pours.

Don't tune it out or seek shelter elsewhere
because at the end of the day
the sun still sets through the trees
and it will always bring me to my knees
and when the world is nothing but blackness
I know the sun will rise tomorrow nevertheless.

Walking down the road
and the load
that I haul
is often nothing at all.

A person who claims
she sees beauty when it rains,
that has zest for life
through joy and even strife.
Why is it she wonders,
a numbing detachment
attaches to all the wrong things?

She filters
never spending enough time
absorbing fully
how blinding, how marvelous
the small details are in life
but the things which serve her ill
sneak back into her thoughts
nightly through the window sill.

Tonight
tears pour out of my eyes
much like the rain from the skies.

Mother Earth and me
you see,
are connected at the heart
we have been from the start.

Our echoed cries ring out
as moral beings shout
this is not a world we wish to exist in
one that subjects a black man to a box he can sit in
because it makes more economical sense
to stick him behind a fence
then fix the problem where it began
at their very own hand.

Yet if he's not in a box that keeps him locked
his fate is a lethal gun shot
from a white man who will never take a mug shot.

There are a lot of things I don't know:
like how people think that life is just a show
or why there are reality programs for pregnant teens
that don't educate youth by any means.

I don't understand the value of a man
who advocates for abortion ban
and brushes off ****** assault
as if the man is never at fault.

I don't quite know how technology advances
have provided us with answers
when our faces are glued to screens
preventing us from understanding
what life really means.

One thing I know for sure:
I'm destined for more.