you and i should just
run away and
live in a castle
wed be like two fairy tail characters
with a happy ending
you could be a prince
and ill be your princess
(king and queen is for old people)
no onell know where we went
but theyd notice
our grand ouse
one the side of a hill
itd be on the beach so we could
look out our stained glass windows
the sunsets could be purple and green
the two of us could explore
new chambers every day
we wouldnt need servants
because wed be happy to help each other
unlike bickering couples
because wed have a castle

the other day
a though popped into my head:
how much of our lives we spend
thinking about things
that have already happend.

what the hell is love anyway? why is there this supposed special connection to someone. And why do we fret so much when it goes away? what makes it different than a friendship? is it the extra doses of horomones you get from kissing? (wich, lets face it, is oly a trigger to the brain to think of ****** contact) why must humans search and find this ONE person the propose impossible promises to? Most animals just let their ****** need envelope them when they choose and dont think too much on the subject. But doses of religion and morals of society prohibit us from doing that. Are those morals the things telling us to seek out this unreasonable aspect of love? are those morals the secret to these pain-inflicting circumstances? becasue, all feelings are are certain levels and mixtures of horomones in the brain, so love is nothing more than a science. The thing that seperates the link between enjoing someone as a friend and as a suitor is ***. and the eason people get heartbroken and cry over losers who hurt them are merely the fault of morals

Today i was sitting under the shower
and thinking
thinking about all the teenage woes i have
and how the stupidest things can
consume my attention
in the midst of this i had a
moment when my mind
cleared and
just
stopped
thinking.
.
.
.
i focused on the little drops of watter
massaging my skin
this sensation sent a shiver up my spine.
for some reason the widest grin
appeared on my face
i felt as happy as a five year old
i closed my eyes and tilted my head
towards the water source.
the warmth ran down my face.
as the water seeped into my my nose and
between my lips i felt
alsmost as if i were
drowning.
....
when i realised i was being waistful,
i turned the faucet off and became
hypnotized by the steady dripping
id like the believe this event was significant
but i think it only further proves my insanity

have you ever been in
a situation where
you see someone
wearing something BIZZARE
and...you cant help
but stare?
you eventualy find the words
"i really like that"
coming from your lips.
i have also been on the
other side of this scenario
where i wear something
thats a fashion risk and
get compliments from
random people.
while i smile and exept it
i want to correct them with
"no, you mean, you like the fact
i had the ***** to wear it
and somewhat pull it off".

I love the way you make me feel
its as if time stops
it seems so surreal
i cant wait for the night
i can sleep by your side
if all be able to with
your heartbeat against mine.

when you played your guitar
it caught me by suprise
i laughed to myself
and then realized
i have the perfect guy
that all the girls dream of
and getting you
was not even rough

when you get upset
theres no need to apologize
or even analyze
ways you can compromise
just tell me you love me

i was always told
to second guess people
see things from different views
because they are evil
but when it comes to you
i know its unessesary
this dating buisness seemed hard
but now its preliminary

i never got to tell you how i soaked
up every word that was wispered from your lips.
I was sure you were true
so i locked your promises in my mind,
unknowing the toll they would take on me.
Now im spending my time,
squirming on my bed,
grasping my head
and trying to shake your words from my memory
considering they are of no use
except taking up space
im lucky that a few get blurred by my rare tears.
when they drip d0wn my cheeks
i can feel their suprising warmth
and it reminds me of you
how warm it was lying next to you
feeling your arms safely around me
the only thoughts running through my mind
where how i could never loose you
you told me i was the only thing you needed
i was yours forever and always
i had no clue my forever would end that friday
now im only left facing
and empty void

want to know whats worse than being "owned" by someone? knowing that at
any
given
momen
tthat very same person can disown you.
relationships arnt a secruety blanke
ttheyre a tightrope
and im afraid of hights.
why in the world would i want to be in that posistion
to frolick after
one person
out of the BILLIONS of different people
but why would i want to frolick
after anyone?i have myself, my art, my own world
that i love
why should anyone else have the self proclaimed
rightto share my world with me?i dont want to be
that girl
on a mans arm
i dont want to belong to
to have to rely on
anyone.
i dont want someone elses feelings
that responsibility
weighing medown
down
down
into the guilty depths below that tightrope.

Maybe it's the past
That comes creeping out to day
That changes how I think
And makes my feelings sway.

Every morning
I wake on the same bed
Dress in the same room
Leave from the same door

Every day
I go to the same places
Meet the same people
Do the same things

Every night
I watch the same shows
Eat with the same people
Sleep on the same bed

Tell me, then
If I should feel so secure
About what the future should hold;
If I shouldn't fear the known
But rather the unknown
Why must I lie every night dreading what arises of the
Next day?

In our situations, we need a special name
It's a little less then lovers
But more then just a game
Boy friend seems too simple
Soul mate is overrated
Honey is just ick
And cutie; so outdated
So then what shall I call you?
My love, my darling, my dear
Common, help me out
Commitments nothing to fear
I've finally thought of a few
At least they're just a start
You’re my life, my love, my soul
baby, you’re my heart.

people swarm past me
in hallways
all trying to fit in
all wanting to be their own person
they all look the same
a sea of people that
blend and blur to create
one unrememberable person.
i fear that very fate
i want people to say
"remember that one girl"
i want teachers to like me
people to know me
for what i do.
for the right reasons.
thats why i wear those uirky glasses
thats why i get those extream hairstyles
thats why i follow my endeavors
sorry if you dont like it

Girls are annoying

If you ever feel loanly
know that you can always visit me
we'll wrap ourselfs with stories
and warm up with emotions
as we drink happiness.
we'll fall asleep
side by side
with our dreams burning bright overhead

Sometimes
reflections are better than
nothing
if you cant have
the real thing

Boys are like a box of chocolates
Sure I'd like to have one
But there are so many to choose from
What if I choose the wrong one?
One that’s so nasty I just want to through it away
So ill just push aside all of them
They’ll just make you break-out anyway

Good morning sunshine
This may come as a surprise
But did you know
That ive been thinking of you
Since we said
"goodnight"

The harsh smell of smoke
The drunken yells at midnight
Good place for a child?

When you touch your knee to mine
Under the table
I wonder
Are you as focused on that
As I am
Or is it just a weird girl thing?

I know your looking at me
Just because you're looking
Out of the corner of your eye
Doesn’t mean that
I can't either

Not interested in excuses
I really could care less
Id rather just not do it
Its really for the best
Sure you say its fun
Sure you say its great
But you'll reconsider
When your 98
I've lived so far without it
Why should I start know
Don’t want to be like you
That’s why I take this vow

That was the last drop
In my cup of water
That sent me over the edge
The last one I could take
Before I poured over
And left the cup
Gave it up
Without another chance
And spewed down to my table
To be wiped up
And sent back to the sky
By the warm rays of the sun

Many words to say
Life's an awfully long story
Don’t think you'd listen.

I wish I had a magic mirror
That could show you how I see you
How your eyes are blank
Sometimes angry
Sometimes obnoxiously playful
A mirror that showed you for who you really are
A mirror that reflected your soul
Would you notice it was supposed to be a mirror?
Would you recognize the person staring back at you?
I would
Because I've seen that person before
Many times
I hate them
If I were you
Id break the glass

I have one question
That needs an answer
All my fears
Need no enhancer

Was It you?
Could it be her?
I need knowledge
Memory's a blur

No more lies
About the past
What really happened?
Theories are vast

I'm sick of wondering
Am I loved?
Or into this world
Was I just shoved?

Maybe I shouldn’t be here
Maybe, it wasn't meant to be
Is this why I wish
That I could just flee

Away from you
And your hypercritic tongue
I've been a mistake
Since I was young

I like my jackets
Sometimes there my only friends
The only things that
Can wrap warmly around me
For long periods of time
As long as I need them
Without feeling
Awkward

Never thought the day would come so soon
Where we'd say our goodbyes forever
But come the full phase of the moon
Ill ride over on a multicolor balloon

I will be the reflection in your eye
Help you laugh when you scream
and make you smile when you cry
Take a ride to your soul and make a stop at your thoughts

No, I don’t want to kiss you
No, I don’t want to hold your hand
No, I don’t want to hang out after school
No, I don’t want to date you
No, you don’t make me feel special
No, I don’t want to be a part of your life
No, I don’t want you to look into my eyes
No, I don’t want to sit with you
No, I don’t get butterflies when you get close to me

…It's really hard to lie to myself…

Sea Breeze
Tried and true
Flowing between
Me and you

Finger tangled
Palms together
Wish I could stay
Here forever

Snap!
A happy moment
Now forever preserved
Within the film
Of my little machine
Snap!
Destruction and misery
The sad eyes full of rejection
Now forever preserved
Within the film
Of my little machine
Snap!
With my little machine
Snap!
I have the power
To pause time
Snap!
And hold onto a memory
Forever
Snap! Do you?

Crimpled and beaten they walk to their grave
All alone though no one can save
The grim comes creeping slowly and near
So say your goodbyes, remember my dear
We all will leave and meet again
This cycle returns one more to the end.

If secrets are what make a person
Then here I am spelled out
But rather its what you know
That I am all about
I could indeed spew my heart
With random things kept hush
But secretly; ill eventually spill
There is no need to rush

You nag and complain
About the things I do wrong
Follow me around with a mic.
Calling me infantile
As you refuse to eat your vegetables

I don’t get you

All I can feel is your glare
On my back
As you note
My every movement
All I can hear is your
Unsatisfied grunts

Make these sensations go away

I'm not perfect
I try
I don’t need your constant reminders:

"Clean your plates
better
again
once more"

I want to scream!

"Do it yourself
your old enough
but not good enough"

Please?

"I'm tired of you acting like your two
grow up
be better"

I can't take it

Is this what drives people to insanity?
When real words start to
Combine with your own?
Tearing away at
Who you are
Till the words sink in
And you start to believe them.

Dangers lurk around every glass
Face the clock
The time will pass
Maybe faster than you'd prefer
What's to say?
It's me or her

Under the sweet
She's fatally bitter
Why am I
The family sitter

Ur the adult
Its time to show
What you’ve learned
Quite frankly though
Of the outcome
I am afraid
Please don’t lead me
To my grave

Take off the sheets
To learn who you are
That one, thin layer
Goes so far

Wipe off that makeup
Cosmetics can't conceal
How you act
Or how you feel

Stop pretending
I see right through
Your petty show
And into you

It's so beautiful when
Water catches fire
Embraces the flames
On its painted glass surface
The deep reds and oranges
Flickering
And the cool blues and greens splash
They mix together
For a few hours of magic
The air is just right
The trees blow and dance
As if in celebration
Of this impossible experience
Till the waves engulf the fire
And turn into a deep, thick
Pool of black.

Lonely! You lie and wipe away the memories
Defeated! You cry as they drag you along
Regret! You feel as it all ties together
Hate! You think as you remember the faces
Desete! You laugh when you figure their plans
Failure! You hear as they whisper the words
Pain! You receive from there dagger like personalities
Why? You ask

On the tip of my tongue
Waiting to spill off
To reach your heart
But I've got this hesitation
Holding them back
So ill write them down
For your eyes to read
But please notice that
Ink and paper
Last far longer
Than my breath
Ever could
"I love you"