god, how much I’ve missed you
ever since the start
more than you could ever know
I wish we weren’t apart
are there ways to demonstrate
how strong is this desire?
It’s only ever always you
who lights & fuels my fire
Desire years-long strong for you
who forever rules my heart
try as I might, still lost the fight
I can’t be where you are
someday I dream
You’ll return to me,
you who burns within my soul
Show me you still care for me
Your love will make me whole

Sometimes I wonder
Do I hold too much desire
In the depths of my need?
Do I ask too much?

Love me every night.
This my secret wish
Love! and hold me tight
Be my fire! Be my light!
I would love you right.

These strings of thought
are all knotted
I’m too hung up on you
the maze just dead-ends
nothing to lead back …
the more I try the more impossible
this mess
messy strings of thought
******* in seeking
hope?
I cannot sleep on this mess of knots
& cannots…
Would you? Could you untangle
these confused strings of thought?
They’re all the same color—
the color of you & me
in our memory

The strongest man
is not he whose booming shouts
usurp the roaring thunder
but, rather, he whose presence
stills the raging storm.
Power comes not from
a loud & deep commanding yell.
It takes far more strength
to hold & to protect a heart
listening carefully for its living pulse.
The strongest man
carries hearts in the palms of his hands.
Show me your strength.

The emptiness tires head & heart & soul
Fever tires the body
Need drinks & claws & draws last drips of
Everything
as joints roll the wrong ways pressured
to discomfort
gifts to the loved
misunderstood
grasped greedily
with pushes & pulls to mold the remnants
into a comfortable bed where minds
& bodies & emotions rest
on the restless skin & bones & muscles
& beating heart of
Mothering
drained of self
empty now

I need you to promise, “someday, my love, somehow”
for You are he whom I most love in this eternal “now”
Yet I fear this “never” will prove your final bow
Can you find a lifeline of requited love allowed?
I just miss you so much! See it etched upon my brow?
You are my yesteryear, my future, my forever Now

I swear:
if & when you grace these spaces
It will ever be
As if you never Left
Please be near-
er

Though hidden my name
You conjure the same
Half stories to blame
Heart broke by your aim
In a silent cruel game

Love,
You drive me insane!
Remain…

Hear how whispers the rain
Words bearing strange pain
You’ve died yet again?

No, Love, Remain!

As I burst into flame
To ashes my name
Consumed be your shame.
Love’s power, I claim

Love’s power, Remain

Your spell cast on me
Yet my quiet plea
return & remain Eventually

16 maybe 17
years…I have lost count
Long enough to be Family
She’ll only eat from my hand
only just enough to lap
but not enough to veil my scent
I, like the boy, miss her playful energy
& I worry how the boy
will deal with this decline
Nothing lives forever…
though
LOVE IS FOREVER

I worry
begging her to eat from my hand

I worry
Knowing just how painfully Love Hurts

I worry
the boy will feel the pain of Loss

Caretaker of the frail
I beg the aged pet,
Survive

In my waking dream I kissed you
into holding me through my tomorrows

Know, I’ve always desired your presence
Beside me through all joys & sorrows.

Broken I was & e’er somewhat will be
Since you (or I) wandered away.
It’s been so long now I don’t anymore see
Why desire was crushed or faded
& I don’t really know the “who”…
Those decisions—from me or from you?
Whatever our history I DO know
Desire forever holds true
& still in my dreams if I kiss
It’s only & ever all you

It’s okay, Love
I know & believe
What you truly would say
If you truly could say
The truths of your heart
& it’s true: I love you
Forever & truly
you’ll see