Exhausted
Empty
from trying to hold
all their emotions with love
while mine flow unseen.

Even now, no-one knows
how I paused returning home,
set crutches aside, sat on the curb & cried
safely hidden from spying cameras & eyes.

Since I walked through that door
I’ve absorbed their emotions:
disappointment & blame,
frustration & sadness
irritation & hurt…
‘til now bewildered, exhausted
with no one to hold my heart
and care that I, too, feel…
spent
nothing left but a weary sigh
before I return to pry
the story of why he’d sleep on the couch
tonight

ah, sweet memories
the music, the poems, the prose…
to feel such sweet reminiscence
those rose-colored glasses, retrospect.  
How I relish such memories  
They are treasures to be hoarded
future death-bed consolation.
  
Here rests a gallery of melancholic sweetness
Mingling of sugary and ****
teases the palate…
This heart remains where it ought to be  
pulsing, loving, reminiscing,  
living every day, absorbing each moment,
gathering fresh memories
to safely file away

I traversed a street overflowed with memories:  
some reminded me of one i longed to see,  
in whose presence i desired most to be…  
time had fashioned fresh new flavors  
to pour into the mix of recollections—  
some when reunited with a friend;
some of me alone, satisfied;
some served as tokens, offering of peace,  
remembrances of fond moments from the past…  
I paused there, offered a prayer
for this– the "now" that would create the future yet to be
I also offered penance for bygone hurts I'd heedlessly inflicted
Hear my prayer here on Memory Lane
May these moments–past, present, future–
be forever held, precious.

I fear
no matter what I say or don’t
a moment will return of greater absence…
how long will be the wait?
and will you still return?
or absent stay?
so silent I remain
I fear

I want more
yet more I fear the less
so in these lesser shadows now I lay
tongue-tied
pointlessly wishing & wondering
more of you

shots of you
showers
alternate realities
holding
being held
wanting while dreaming pleasure
warm breath brushing neck
presence of voice and body
soothing reassurance
strong embrace that cannot say goodbye
gentle kiss that cannot let go
assurance of eternal love
even when perfection is a fading moment faintly remembered
as the pleasure of its presence and the pain of its passing.

This moment in time is missing color...
It’s missing you.
In moments past, all was right, perfect.
Now, time is off-kilter.
These hollow moments are widening,
growing, expanding--
the famished are eating the fat
leaving large empty holes
black swollen holes
gaping grey moments in time
missing. . .

How comforting, those simple words,
“I do that, too.”
Then, I knew I wasn’t alone.
If it makes me broken or crazy,
at least I have company.