I cannot count
The number of times
I have been served up the
You Are Special
with a side of
Not Like Other Girls

It has always been from former lovers.

My own apathy terrifies me.

How much do I care?
Not enough.
How much do I care?
Not enough.
How much do I care?
Not enough.


And the worst part is
That measurement isn't borrowed
It comes from my own jug but when I wasn't looking
Someone poured out all the motivation and compassion.

I had a dream my mother was dying
I woke up with overflowing eyes
Not because I was sad
But because in the dream I didn't care and I knew I was supposed to.

I broke my brother's arm by launching him into the air and
Forgetting that he had only his own
Fragile body to land on top of no that's a lie
I didn't forget but I though he broke his neck
And when the siren started blaring
I knew that wasn't it and
I didn't feel so sad anymore.

Don't get the wrong idea
I'm not a completely cold-hearted *****.

This I know because I cry watching Anastasia
Every
*******
Time
I donate to charity
And don't let them give me the sticker to prove it
I love small children and animals! That's a lie
I've had to clean up ***** from both of those groups.

And I've never made myself throw up but sometimes
I forget to eat that's a lie
I just can't be bothered
Am I lethargic because that's typical of a teenager
Or am I
Only classed as typical teenager because I'm lethargic?

I lie on my bed as still as a corpse
And never once
Think about death because
Why does it matter?

That's the only question
He doesn't have an answer to
Because I swear
This boy is the second coming of
Socrates
He makes me think of
Shakespeare
And knowing i'm going to see him the next day is like waiting for
Santa Claus.

My own empathy terrifies me.

How much do I care?
Too much.
How much do I care?
Too much.
How much do I care?
Too much.


And the worst part is
The possibility
That he might care about me too.

Because love is so daunting
You find a love so haunting
You can only take it for tomorrow

i.
A ventriloquist
When we were one
Putting words in my mouth
I didn’t mind

ii.
A mad ventriloquist
When we were some
Somedays, What Ifs and Maybes

Camo clad ventriloquist
A kid with a gun
We shared a sugar sack baby

iii.
Tired, sad ventriloquist
Even when we had fun
You spoke of days long after

Such a bad ventriloquist
When we were almost done
Mismatched lips, silence, and forced laughter

He doesn’t deserve all the power he has
Yet he remains my
Puppetmaster

The bathwater drains
And with it
My spirit
I remain
At ease
In an empty vessel

i.
Ladies and Gentlemen
Could you please form a wide aisle
For our performers
As they pass by you
Admire these freaks of nature
Only here today

ii.
Bound to each other
For their own safety of course
They will not harm you
They have been trained well
Jumping through rings for your sick
Need to feel power
We keep them well fed
A diet of hatefulness
Discrimination

iii.
Can you believe it?
These freaks are barely human
Yet they think like that
We give it to them
What they want. A tiny taste
Of equality
Keep them satisfied
Shut them up for a short time
Filthy, greedy freaks

iv.
One step in the right direction does not a marathon make, my dear.

Have I changed you darling?
Does the world look different now that I’m around?
Have I explained to you darling,
The way you move your lips and never make a sound?
Have I deranged you darling?
Does being without me now make your head pound?
Do I remain to you darling,
The missing piece you’re so lucky to have found?
What am I now?