does food ever feel heavy
like dead weight in your stomach
pulling you down
this is not poetry

no matter how small the portions are
even the fewest calories
or lack of nutritional value
this is not poetry

have you ever felt wrong
just for eating
unable to choke down bites
this is not poetry

have you ever wanted
to be thinner than your bones
to just evaporate
this is not poetry

ive always been insecure
but not like this
never like this
it was kind of a gradual thing
i slowly noticed it
the girls grew taller
the collarbones sharper
and everything about me
stayed short and covered
and then i ate less
and less
and less
until i ate almost nothing at all
but still i stayed the same
and all the other girls
lost their weight
and i want to be thin
like paper
id like to slip through cracks
and disappear altogether
paper thin

i dont think about death much
but its really weird when i do
like your body turns cold
and the parts meant to move
they just stop moving
everything stops working
your lungs stop breathing
your blood stops flowing
its like your body gives up
i dont really understand why
but i dont understand a lot
why do english teachers
make me learn a language
ive spoken my entire life
and why do i need to know
the pythagorean theorm
why do i not know politics
but ive taken six years of art class
since when were self portraits
by seven year old art
why does the world rotate around the sun
and also around itself
but never around its moon
why doesnt the earth rotate around the moon
why are my nails shaped funny
different than most girls'
but i get told theyre pretty
since when was different pretty
and why dont i find different pretty
not pretty in the slightest