Sometimes I pretend.
I pretend you're still here.
You're still here, but only in my dreams.
Only in my dreams do I remember you.
Do I remember you? I remember everything.
I remember everything you gave and took.
You gave and took all of you and all of me.
All of you and all of me, together, as the sun sets and the moon rises.
As the sun sets and the moon rises, I sit and wait.
I sit and wait beneath my window.
Beneath my window a tear rolls off my cheek.
A tear rolls of my cheek in memory of you.
In memory of you, I trace the scars.
I trace the scars, I trace the bruises.
I trace the bruises, I trace the bumps.
I trace the bumps and I remember.
I remember your hand.
Your hand. Against my skin.
Agains my skin. Like fire, like the wind.
Like fire, like the wind, destructive, and you never know.
You never know where it comes from.
Where it comes from changes every time.
Changes every time I feel you close to me
I feel you close to me sometimes.
Sometimes, only sometimes.
Imagine that.

We are friends.
Our bodies are familiar.
My hand knows the creases and lines of your hands.
I have tasted of your lips with mine.
My mouth has traced the distance between your sculpted shoulders.
My body feels you shake when I kiss your tummy.
My nose is fond of your scent.
My fingers have gripped deep into the skin of your back.
My skin remembers the texture of your silky hair.
My eyes capture the essence of your presence.
But,
What does it matter?
What does it matter when
Your body is familiar with many bodies
Your hands hold other hands
You taste other lips
Your mouth traces other shoulders
Your body feels the shake of others bodies
Your nose is fond of many scents
Your fingers grip the skin belonging to others
Your skin remembers hair other than mine
and
Your eyes capture many faces.
And this benefits you
And it benefits the others
And I thought it would benefit me
But,
It killed me.
If you've ever been benefiting to someone,
You have not been their friend.
You have been used as their friend.
With benefits.

I want that place called 'back in the day'
where love wasnt all about *** & foreplay
when it wasnt "oh baby what can I get?"
"I'll do anything for love, please dont leave me yet."
You stole my innocence along with my heart,
tore me to pieces, ripped me apart.
Our love wasnt real just a physical game
you got what you wanted & I'm stuck with the pain.
And now that you've gone theres no one to blame
I swore after you I'd 'never be the same'
I'm lost and alone with no where to go
thank God for the case of Wade versus Roe.
I never told you but now truth comes out
we had a child but no one found out
I walked to that place without you my dear
I took that baby's life as I swallowed the fear.
You left in a hurry, and that's all that I knew
I figured a child would be bothersome to you.
Now I'm a murderer it wasn't worth the cost
two hundred and fifty and that baby was lost.
Now tell me why, darling, that child had to die
all because you left without saying goodbye?
I looked to the heavens and saw a blue sky
&  thought at once that the baby didn't die.
She was somewhere in heaven above the clouds
she was happy as could be I had no doubt
I would've named her Hope and here's why:
she was a lesson I would never let die
and while I'm at it, I'll say goodbye
life without you is a beautiful thing
I can say your name, it no longer stings
I waited so long for this moment to arrive
I'm free from you; not caged, but alive.
And out of this pain I learned how to fly
I let it all go with one quick sigh
pushed you away with one last breath
and my love for you was put to death.

You hit me with everything and I fall
I scream at you from the floor this is war.
You spew words I've never heard from you before
A testimony to your violent gore.

I stand and brace up for your next blows
Insults to you but they continuously flow.
You catch me as I race for the door
I fall again and I know this is war

With each passing moment I bruise and I bleed
I look for safety; curl up and clutch my knees,
But all the pain and the hurt dont go away
Every breath you breathe ensures they'll stay

Familiarity oozes from my lip tasting like hate
But you couldnt know; you care after it's too late.
That sober 'I love you' is one of your lies
The alcohol beats me despite my cries

But you haven't lost me yet, I'm waiting for justice
If it comes that final day, I'll welcome deaths kiss

I dont know whats in store but let me remind you: this is war

Slipping down her face
like a child on ice
sliding and rolling
but with grace

she calls softly to the sky
labored breathing and choked sobs
like the rise & fall of day & night
a deep anguished cry

off her nose they spill
roaring like the ocean
gone like the wind
are the tears of april