Running around, always trying to finish first.
Guess that's why we call it the human race.

I don't want to die but
Sometimes I drive a little faster than I should
Sometimes I leave my door unlocked at night
Sometimes I don't look both ways before crossing the street
Sometimes I turn the water and my curling iron on
Sometimes I scoop my toast out with a knife
Sometimes I stay under water too long
Sometimes I put the razor right up against my skin
I don't want to die but
I don't want to live.

She's going to drop into your world out of nowhere and a small spark, like a fire fly is going to buzz around your rib age. She'll show you her true colors in a Vegas hotel room but you're going to be the only one to see the paint on her canvas. And all of a sudden your days are going to be filled with wondering who she is and what life is like for someone so captivating as her.

2. She's been in your life for 3 months now and you're about to ask her to be your girlfriend. You're nervous as hell, but do it anyway, she wants you too. And at this point, you can't even remember what life was like before you knew of her. You know her body from head to toe and every time she allows you to touch her, electricity runs through you. You can't fathom how one person can be so breathtaking. Her beauty is like a punch in the stomach that you want again and again.

3. You orbit her moon and her stars shine so bright that every night they lead you back to her. You'll never get enough of this girl. Hold her hand and listen to her fears, silently wonder how something so beautiful could break so easily. She sets you on fire and roasts marshmallows on you open, burning heart. Let her. Let her into your cage. The one you've sealed up with secrets, whispers, insecurities, and worst nightmares. The first time you open up, tell her too much. She'll think it's cute. Show her your dark side and she'll love you for those parts too.

4. Today is the day I leave her. It will be the hardest thing I ever do. If she was a season she'd be the one I was born in and the one I hope to die in, and I'm here, and here is the only place I ever wanted to be with her. Her hair cascades down her face like a waterfall and I want to swim around in the dark that she falls into forever. Her eyes are deep and if she looks at me again like that I'm sure I might die. But honestly, I've never wanted a moment to be my last than this one right here.

5. Now I'm certain I've realized that my purpose in life lives in the heart of a 5 foot 7 inch girl with glassy blue eyes. She's your everything, she's what makes it worth waking up in the morning, she's the butterflies in your stomach and the ones that's fly off your skin whenever she touches you. Even though all the best parts of you live in Southern California, please don't give up. She's worth it.

I hope you trip going up the stairs in the middle of lunch and everyone starts laughing.
I hope you raise your hand to answer a question you're sure is right and you get it wrong.
I hope you hit every red light on the way home after a rough day.
I hope you mismatch your socks.
I hope you have a piece of lettuce stuck between your teeth and your friends don’t tell you.
I hope you go to take a sip of water and the lid isn’t on all the way.
I hope your shoe gets untied and you step in a puddle.
I hope your favorite TV show gets canceled.
I hope you get your period on a Monday.
I hope you see my car on the street and your stomach drops because you thought it was mine.
I hope you look at him and see my eyes.
I hope you walk by a stranger and smell my perfume.
I hope your favorite song comes on the radio and you can’t help but think of me.
I hope you remember our inside jokes and feel the urge to text me and remember you can’t.
I hope you wake up from nightmares and your hand reaches across the bed for me and you wake up to remember that I'm never coming back.
I hope he ***** with your mind and makes you feel unloveable.
I hope he never tells you how beautiful your lips look when you pout or how cute it is when you laugh and your nose crinkles.
I hope you feel more alone than you did when you were single.
I hope he breaks your heart just like you did to mine.
I hope you compare every future lover to me.
I hope you realize that I would have been the only person to never leave you.
But most of all I hope you're happy.



Just kidding, I hope you're miserable.

I am from a Saturday afternoon living room overflowing with the sounds of Fleetwood Mac, John Lennon and Bob Dylan.
I am from home cooked meals, roaring laughter at the dinner table and short tempered Italians.
I am from Frank Sinatra singalongs, Lifetime movies and swimming lessons from my Mimi.
I am from my Pop’s war stories, tomato picking and ***** jokes.
I am from the grandparents that didn’t want my dad and the grandparents that did.
I am from the stoic grandmother that wasn’t involved in my mom’s life and the deadbeat grandad that didn’t seem to exist.
I am from the ten years of Catholic school, plaid skirts and polo shirts.
I am from spoon-fed customs of Catholicism every day except (coincidentally) Sunday mornings.
I am from rose scented mornings because of regretted whiskey words from the night before.
I am from words muttered impulsively, apologizes not offered graciously and too many family nights turned into family fights.
I am from cigarette infused hugs, plastered smiles and “I’ll quit tomorrow”.
I am from twenty-six years of handholding, couch cuddling and kitchen dancing.
I am from goodnight kisses, chocolate chip cookies in my lunch and red heart emoji’s in a text.
I am from love and anger and happiness and remorse.
I am from memories in the making and a future unknown.