How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
Would you be old enough to drive a car
old enough to sit in a bar
or would you simply be young
not caring about a thing
chasing imaginary butterflies
into an imaginary stream
would you be who you pretend to be
would you be over 30
would your back still be hurting or is it all an illusion
so I want you to come to a conclusion
from what you know so far
how old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

She paints a lovely picture
But this art work has a twist
The paint brush is a razor
And the canvas is her wrist

Am I wrong
but didnt i care about things
I can remeber crying
when my dad dropped my pet fish in the sink

Am I wrong
but didnt i feel things
I remeber laughing
and crying
and hoping

Am I wrong
but didnt you love me
I could remeber your face when you saw me
your eyes said more than your mouth

Am I wrong
but didnt I love you

Am I wrong
but doesnt this situation hurt you too

Am I wrong
but arent you thinking about me like i think about you

Am I wrong

I want to forgive you
but our relationship was like a wave hitting shore
we had our rises
right before we crashed
and we always crashed

I want to love you
but you have filled my heart with hate
I will never be able to look at you the same way

I want to be there for you
but you were never there for me

This roller coaster just complicated things
I can't just just stare at you and fell right anymore
I think this is the last time our wave hits shore

I realized something

I never had a child hood

I never ran out onto the sand and swam in the ocean

I never had a favorite toy

Or had my dad teach me to ride I bike

I never flew a kite

I never had my mom tuck me into bed

My mom wasn't there for my 3rd birthday

I cant say I love or hate my mom's cooking

I never had help with homework

I have never been to a candy store

I have know what death was since I was 5 years old

I never grew up with my best friend
She died when I was 7 of cancer

I never had a child hood

What about me?
It seems as if everyone keeps moving
and all I am doing is watching
realizing I cant lift my feet

Leave me in the dust
and I will build a sandcastle

Leave me in the river
and i will learn how to breathe under water

Leave me alone
and i will make new friends

But if you never leave me again
I will make sure our relationship ends
because i can't stay with you
consume you with worry
and make you stop feeling things
about your own families life

your brother died
and your thinking about me?

If you stay with me

I will **** you inediably

My ****** knife

is dripping more than my hand

then the drips
drips
drips

drips



drips


d r i ps

d
        r
                i
                        p
                                  s
start to come slow

so i take the knife

and make more blood flow

I didn't even break skin
That doesn't count does it?

The world never saw me for who I was
now that I think about it
the world never saw me
Somehow I escaped all their memories
I avoided all records of the time i spent here
my slate is white as snow
and much cleaner then my couscous
I thought you already knew this
I am an invisible girl
you have to see me to believe it

She doesnt see her own beauty

She doesnt see the perfection in her stride

She doesnt see the plan for her life

She doesnt see how many people would cry if she was gone

She doesnt see me

I'm not friends with her

sadly

I only met her twice

and maybe if i didnt look at her apperance

and if i looked at her eyes

instead of her eyes shadow i would of seen

maybe if i practiced what i preached i would of noticed something

maybe if i wasnt stupid enough

to judge her on her clothes

I would of seen the pain

she was trying to hide

maybe if i didnt spend as much time critecing her lifestyle

I could of seen what her life was like at home

maybe instead of throwing her away

I could of looked in her eyes

Maybe if i wasnt so stupid

I could of seen

the one thing we both hide perfectly

Your off to great things
Today is your day
Your mountian is waiting
So get on your way
*Dr suess

Pick me like a flower
Like there was an entire field of daisies and for some reason you just picked me
In no way am I the most beautiful
But you choose me first
And chose me only

Chose me like a crayon
When your a toddler drawing a picture for mommy
And you just know the sky has to be that shade of......green
In no way am I perfect for you
But you don’t care
And you choose me anyway

Fight for me like I’m favorite food place
And your dad just asked you where you wanted to eat
And they want pizza but you are in love with the Chinese spot right down the street
I’m not cheapest
But I’m worth it

So pick me
Cause you don’t mind mediocre daisies
green skies
Or Chinese food that you know you don’t need

Where have you been all my life
smoking by a river side
getting high
spending the hours on your maac laptop
tweeting about how your family is just getting byw

Where have you been all my life
Trying to clean up the messes other have made
Making a path for your brothers or sisters to take
trying to achieve fame

Where have you been all my life
Looking up **** on internet sites
texting pictures to a girl you just met
hoping that the next one willl be the best
and you will finally have a chance to get rest
becuase nothing is fulling enough to keep you from waking up at night
hoping that was the last time

Where have i been all your life

i have been dieing

As I search through the empty place, I like to call my mind I wonder
where are you the child who could always smiled no matter how many times they called her a mistake
where are you the girl who had dreams, and has someone she wanted to share them with
where are you the heroe who could stare at the stars and forget the dark
where are you the leader that I use to be
where are you because your no longer with me

Would I like him if I could feel?

Do you care about life?
No not at all

So why are you alive*
Because I have a best friend who does

I'm sorry I hurt you

to make you feel better

I made myself bleed

so maybe I can see

The pain I gave you

and maybe i can change me

I was in a fight with this girl
her hair was down in curls
and she had an attitude
I don't know how the fight started
but i know how it ends
I remember her asking me  who do I think I am
I remember laughing as I coming up with a come back
but then I thought
Why bash this chick when I could teach her a lesson
I said
I am a girl
I am smart and funny
talented and gifted
loving and loved
And I have faith
I am not a fighter
But I guess that means I'm a punk
I'm not perfect
and I don't pretend I am
I don't have a man
I can do a hand stand and I am amazing
what is the point of this?
Why are you judging me
what is the reason you say all of these things to me
to try to hurt me
try to get me to stop what I do
and no I'm not jealous of you
to tell the truth
I don't care what you say
it just rolls off me like butter on pancakes
but i want to ask you this one thing
Why do you insist on hurting
people like me
schools call us the victims
of you the bully
but that is not what I think
I know the person who is really hurting is the bully
because that is the person who was hurting before me
and I know why you like detention
because you don't wanna go home
and because of that you want people to think this school you own
because you don't want them to see you through your disguise
see through you accent
cursing and lies
see through you hurting them
so they don't know you are about to cry
you don't want them to see you
because you are scared what will happen when they do
so when I look in your eyes you know what i see
I see little  kid who isn't happy
and puts on a front for people to see
people like me
you picked me to bully because you see something diffrent in me
I saw and I can see  
who you are
and you are just a child who wasn't loved
well here I am right now to give you a hand
I will be your one and only TRUE friend
I won't friend you because I'm scared of you
like these punks
I friend you because I want to know you
the real you
then I put my hand out as easy can be
then she turned around and walked away from me
I did the right thing
because the next day at lunch she sat next to me
what a bully
People you need tom realize
bullies aren't people you just put on the top of your to do list to stop
It's not a war to be fought
and I know that is not what you are taught
but just look for yourself
I know they hurt the victims everyday
and in no way am I trying to say that is ok
I just want to bring to your attention
that maybe the victim isn't the only one that needs a convenction
the bullies are the people who are hurting
and instead of pushing them aside and telling them they are wrong
why don't we just extend our arm and give them a chance
when someone pushes them to the side who will that help
they will feel hurt then hurt someone else
so why instead of trying to ignore their problem
we try to fix it
Because the victim isn't the only person who has to live with it
some say they deserve it
but they don't
they are just kids
who don't know
and when this happens
and your astounded beyond belief
when you see there is actually a person behind that bullying
I will reply
what a bully
because that is all you use to see

I catch myself sometimes
Smiling
Laughing at a joke from my father
Or a silly dance by my sister
And in that quick second I forget what I did
I forget how I hurt them
I stop feeling guilty
Because I forgot what a monster I am
Life is funny that way
You have seconds of joy when you forget your past
Than it all comes back
In a blast on your mind
Everything was just fine
To bad it's never the real Happy

My poetry has lost meaning
I use to capture
Beauty
I use to take words
Words meaningless to others
And create worlds

I was able to combine a few syllables
A few lose adjectives
Ignore all grammar rules
And twist reality
I use to make people feel something

I was able to create feeling
What happened to my poetry?
I guess the better question is
What happened to me

My parents drove
Each Sunday
To look at houses
I walked with them
The good child
While my brother
Waited in the car

Walked through other
People's lives
Found the bedroom that
Would be mine
Peered at their trees outside
Left with their cooking
Smells in my hair lingering
As I slept in the room
I shared in our apartment

Each Sunday my parents
Drove to look at houses
Fragments of other lives
Clinging to my shoulders
Inhaled into my lungs
Houses large and lovely
Streets where oak trees reached
To meet each other

Until one Sunday
My parents drove
And stopped at acres of
Plowed overturned land
Separated by plywood sticks
Numbered close and
Anonymous as soldier's graves
We walked all of us through
The mud until my father stopped

And pointed at the stick in
Which we would live our future
In that cemetery of surrendered
Imagination I held close the collected
Flotsam of floating memories
Of all those other houses
Held close the keys to my
Eventual release from
Mediocrity of the stifled soul
Trapped within the pride of my parent's
Achievement

I wish
we could drive
out to the middle
of nowhere  with
you and talk
under the stars

Because the waves may hurt the sand
The sun may scorch the land
But they wait for it
They want it
And will relive it everyday

Don't you hate it when you love somone

and you would **** anyone who tries to hurt them

but they are the ones holding the gun?

He's beautiful
A lot of my friends disagreed
Said why **** a guy who isn't ****
But I don't see him that way
I guess you could say "love makes you blind"
Though I'm not in love, and I can see just fine
But I miss him
Obviously
Or else I wouldn't be in my room right now crying about leaving
But I made a choice
A decision
That no matter what happens I wasn't happy with him
I'm gonna look back and remeber the hard times too
I  will remeber the times the left me
And the times he broke me
When he toyed with my sanity
Just to watch me squirm
Blackmailed that he would tell my family
If I didn't stay with him longer
Our relationship was complicated
But he did call me pretty
Or beautiful
I was his little ray of sunshine
And his diamond in the rough
He sang to me on the good days
And hugged me when I was having a bad one
He invited me out with his friends
When none of his other girls could come
He cared for me
More than most people do
And I needed that
I wanted that
And your crazy if you call that a abuse
maybe I couldn't see it
Maybe I still can't see it
But I made a choice
A decision
That no matter what happens I wasn't happy with him
I will get over it
And find somone new
Just maybe they will love me
As much as he use to

Strong independent
This we all want to be
To bad this world leaves us
Depressed insecure and lonely
Is there any one truly happy
Is there such a thing
How can i hope for a life without misery
When pain is in every note the bird sings
In every breath a child takes
In between the empty i love yous
The meaningless i do's
Why do we even pretend we are happy
We all know it's not true
We are all slowly dieing
And none of us know what to do

age is timeless