Feeling bereft

Isn't an odd thing, an entirely new thing, or disorienting

At all.

But my head is spinning and my guts are churning

And all

Because I cannot call you. My fingertips are stuck on the first few numbers

And the key

For the padlocked zip on my mouth...

I threw it away, out in the trash.

Along with all the common sense and hope for us I had.

I changed.
I know
The blame lies with me.

It festers within my growing limbs
My lightening hair
And the fibers of my fight-or-flight muscles
Honed through experience
Of running into mistakes
And away from confrontation.

Your kind of confrontation.

Bully.

Best friend.

What's the difference?
They're one and the same
Now that I've changed

For the better.

Just a little spinning oak
Leaf

Flimsy,
Born of strong roots

Destined to decay.

I wanted to be so much
More

And perhaps I will be kept pressed
In a book

In a romance novel

To mark the page.

Close to the words:

'I love
You

Dearly',

But never quite immersed.

If I could get back all the years that I wasted
On being so perfect for you

It'd be like getting a pension.

Having so many years to spend, all at once.

But all the miles racked behind me
Would just slow me down.

When given a second chance
We rarely seem to take it.

The weary are stuck in their ways.

I hope you die lonely
Without any children.

I want to pack my life in a rucksack
And leave it behind, so I can really travel light.

I hope your wife leaves you
For your brother, like I didn't have the guts to do.

I hope that one day I will be able to
Get the first choice, instead of your left overs.

I wish you don't ever come back to our classes
So people won't think I'm evil.

I stole a shell out of your garden
And gave it to my best friend. We hate each other.

I feel privileged to know that you snore.
And that if
I nudge your cheek with my nose
You stop
And squeeze me close -
Crack my spine
And I love that feeling.
And the best thing is
That you don't even know you give me chills.
It takes a talented soul to thrill me when sleeping.

To love
To love
To love
It takes so much courage
And so much faith
In those who don't,
More often than not,
Deserve it.
And sometimes,
Faith
Is left entirely out of the deal
When cold nights
Are made warm
By a body
Who belongs to another girl.
Don't mistake me,
The body is male.
But I stole him
For a while.
Can't remember
If
I put his heart back.
Maybe we shall see.
Time will tell if the time
I spent wrapped in both
His arms
(Because I fit)
Has left tattoos on his skin
The way those hours have
Printed themselves on my
Flesh.

23:11
Kisses on my shoulder blade
23:12
Kisses on my  cheek
23:13
Kisses, so many, on my lips
Right now
Kisses moving closer to my heart.

To love
To love
To love
It doesn't take much
At all.