Something presses on my throat.

I think it's my past.

I can't turn round the corner of memory lane

Without seeing

Your face at every window.

My mind feels haunted.

My skin brittle as glass

Too much heat

From embarrassment

Or touch

And I will combust.

I used to own the board we shared, your knights,
I had my spies in your Bishops, and your confessions were mine.

I played my strategies so quick,
That I stole your heart without you even registering the thievery.

And as often as you breathed, as often as I laughed,
I would say; 'Checkmate'.

But somewhere along the line I got complacent
And you stabbed me in the back, simply by growing a spine.

I think I've been in recovery for half a year now
Because I've forgotten how to play.

Didn't you at least try to clear the cobwebs in my absence?
Because everything looks so sinister now, and I don't like it.

And everywhere, daisy-chain crowns lie rotten,
Like the wasted queendom of my youth.

But you,
You still proudly wear your crown of bloodied thorns.

And somehow, all my pawns have turned to dust,
And the board has dirtied its way to black.

Everywhere is open to you now,
What once was mine is yours, and yours alone.

And now, I've lost my footing.
By all rules I shouldn't be here

And everywhere I turn,

Checkmate.

I think
I'll stop playing for keeps.

Love has been a long time in throwing the ball back,
So I think
I'll just drop out of this game.

Find a new one.

Yeah.

If I approached a guy
With none of the fear
That piggybacks on attraction

Chances are I'll be bold,
And he'd love that.

But still, he wouldn't be in love.
And I'd have to do things by half.

But I hate holding back.

So I think I'll just stop playing altogether.

Little Lou,
Picks up a ***** and bucket,
Sand dusting her lips.
Small nose, freckles spreading along pudgy cheekbones,
She's a summer baby.
A lady of the sun.  

Lou!
Chases ***** with guys.
Lou has scraped knees and a ponytail up high.
Lou is twelve years old.

Loulou is a prissy thing,
Pale arms, skinny and lean.
Laughing to herself.
Hair falls in waves
Shimmering in sunlight.

Louisa, oh Louisa.
She's breaking hearts,
Her tan is from hard work.
She fetches a frisbee from a tree,
Manicured hands,
Gloves for Little Lou's tiny digits.

My thoughts are hiding under stair wells.
They like the smell of your skin
And they vibrate with every beat of your chest.
They are in close quarters with your eyes.

My thoughts are buzzing in the air about your ears.
They have a bite like mosquitoes.
The weather is hot - my thoughts bare all.
I like the taste of your mind.

My thoughts are burrowing into your brain stem
They make you shiver, And when you touch them,
Touch me, I feel paralysed.
But in a good way.

My thoughts are quiet now, but they're screaming.
They don't like the silence, but they endure.
Because the skin is whispering, love,
And it's telling stories of us.

They are cruel because 'you can take it';
In their eyes, beauty is strength.
When they go home and tell mocking tales of your conquests,
They hate that they will not wake up, this morning or next, with your face.

They are spiteful because you have all the power to be.
Although you might choose to be kind, let loyalty live.
In truth, they see in you what a child sees
Under the bed, in the wardrobe, in the eyes of a dentist.

Try telling them that, inside, you have none of your outer glittering iciness,
And they will only try to find where the venom hides,
Crunch underfoot the pearls of honesty,
And padlock your perfect cage a little harder than necessary.

But you can not let it hurt.
That would upset the balance of things.
If you show your humanity, they will show to be lacking in theirs
And the world would be turned upside down.

And for all their moaning, becoming the victim of their destruction would be your worst crime of all.

Clenched fists
Sweaty palms
Darting eyes
Too ashamed
To meet.

Bickering
On and on
Friends growing tired
Impatiently holding
Sweet breath
While we waste ours.

My sharp tongue,
Flicking,
Forked;
Devil Woman,
You called me,
I inflicted such pain.

You,
Kind, but not without barriers
Were an easy target.
We had such fun.

I
Found love
In the face of our games
But now
I am alone.