Sometimes you realize life might not be the best thing for you even when you have so many people there to help you and talk to you and care for you.
And it happens just when everything goes right, you slowly feel it .
You shrug it off “ maybe I’m tired” “maybe I need a mental break.”
Then you realize 3 weeks later when your sitting on the floor holding you favorite stuffed animal that its finally bad.
When you want to carve at your wrist,
when you want to cry and scream or sleep because feeling any sort of emotion is better than feeling lonely.
When you think of every sign that you saw or felt could have stopped you from feeling this
low
Unworthy.
Unworthy of life ,
Of happiness .

I remember screaming the lyrics to"Don't Stop the Music" out the sunroof like the young,immature child I was.

And getting yelled at right after that because " It was dangerous and I could have killed myself if she had suddenly hit the gas."
  
     I remember thinking nothing bad ever happened in the world.

I remember crying on my neighbor's doorstep  because I was ready to give up on everything and my mom said she didn't care what I did.

And crying for an hour straight because she was about to call CPS on my mom , I didn't want my mom to get in trouble.

I remember going from house to house with my mom and sister.

And the day my mom actually left my sister and I to go to Tennessee to "Find Dee and I a better place to live".

And how badly I cried because she said things to me that an 8 year old should never have to hear .

I remember having to grow up fast because I had to take care of myself and make sure I protected my family.

And being mad at my brother because he never had to struggle like I had
  
And hating everybody because they didn't protect their younger sister, but that was yesterday.

Were suppose to be nice
were suppose to feel happy
were never suppose to be mean we are not suppose to ........

go against the  system but......I'm not what I'm suppose to be.