I can’t sit still,
Pacing round and round,
Feeling like running,
Mind slipping from one thought to another,
Can’t focus unless I’m distracted—
Does that make sense?
Too distracted—no focus now,
No control,
Now I’m ashamed,
Too many things to say,
Too little time,
Forgetting the simplest things
Within seconds.
“Why did I come here again?”
Oh, now I remember.
Never mind, it’s gone.

Still and silent,
My face a calm mask,
Stript of all personality.
Nothing to say,
No urgency to do
Anything.
Do what I’m told,
Have to stay on task,
Pay attention,
Can’t risk a slip,
No time for distractions now,
The medicine won’t allow
It.

Go to school,
No appetite,
Restlessness rising in the afternoon,
Do homework,
Go to bed,
Next morning,
Swallow the pills,
Start all over again.

Does anyone else feel this way?

He grabbed me from behind,
Gagged me so I couldn't scream,
He took what was rightfully mine,
Tied me so that he was supreme,
Then he left me lying there,
No food or water,
Just me and my despair,
Was I awaiting slaughter?
He came back the next night,
And then he did it again,
An agonizing rite,
In my mind, I vilified all men,
"If just one would act this way,
Then they all could,"
Is what I say,
Why he did this, I thought I understood:
Men are evil and with no self control,
They are selfish and cruel,
To gain his own pleasure was his only goal,
And even though he called me "his jewel,"
I knew it meant nothing,

When I was found,
When I was freed,
Nothing was ever the same for me,
My story did not astound,
The officials and police,
For it's not the first that they'd seen,
"Why don't you stop it?"
Was my demand,
They said that they couldn't,
They said that they can't,
They can't prevent it,
That made me frustrated,
And I blamed the men, for they're the ones who narrated,
This insane explanation,

But no one believed in my accusation,
They all thought I was crazy, so they locked me away,
Then they sent me some "help,"
However, they shouldn't have sent,
A male my way,
I tried to rid myself of the whelp,
He only wanted to supplement,
His bank account,
**** the man,
To him my story did I recount,
And my reasoning did I explain to him,
Day after day, he tried to change my mind,
And through this treatment grim,
Did I fume with undefined,
Rage and frustration,
Then one day I let it out,
I verbally lashed out at him,
I shouted at him,
I screamed at him,
Then I slapped him across the face,
All was silent,
He seemed stunned,
Then my mind began to race,
And I apologized for my violent,
Act against him and I asked,
For forgiveness,
And somehow,
I don't know how,
But in some way he,
Most candidly,
Forgave me,
He shrugged it away,
Said that he was fine,
It was okay,
He got up then,
And left me all alone,
So I lay awake,
On my bed all night long,
The next day he came back and when,
I saw the bruise I had left on his cheek ,
And heard his voice and its kind tone,
I hid my face in my hands,
My eyes filled with tears,
I broke down crying,
What was this creature who defied all my fears?
He was not a man,
Not as I knew them to be,
But maybe he,
Is an exception to my rule,
So when he sat beside me and asked me, "What's wrong?"
I looked up into his clear blue eyes,
And I lost control,
I grabbed his shoulders and kissed him,
I know it was on a whim,
But I wanted to see,
Just exactly how he,
Would react to that,
. . .
And that was that,
He really did love me back!
I told him that I only trusted him,
No other man could touch a single limb,
He laughed and said that was fine by him,

We got married shortly thereafter,
And we lived almost happily ever after,
Except that I never left the house,
And I never truly got over my fear,
I treated any other man like a louse,
But my love did I hold dear.

Bitterness:
Harbouring a slight
Within one’s heart.

Forgiveness:
Covered up with white
Time to restart.

Up, down, all around,
Twirling, whirling, blurs of sound,
Din of colours, clashing loud,

Speed rushing,
Time pulling,
Air flowing,

Gliding upwards,
Sky so blue,
Flying downwards,
See you soon,

Laughter floating all around,
Scents dancing home from town,

Pink clouds sold on sticks,
Enchanted by magic tricks,

Music falling to the ground,
Happiness all around.

I feel so vulnerable,
I feel so blind,
A monster behind me,
Or is it in my mind?
Or is it just me?
Is this insanity?

Is there no escape?
Is this my cursed fate?
I feel hot breath on my neck's nape,
Death is all that I await,
Yet, it won't come,

So I must suffer,
And try to be tougher,
And hope to be free soon.

If an idea
upon its genesis
goes
unspoken,
unwritten,
uncaptured,
unknown,
it will perish
in a puff of smoke
like water
in a summer’s drought.

I am surrounded by thorns,
They tear at my flesh,
And my love for that single rose,
Is my only light,

The monster's horns,
Gouge me, a creeping rash,
And heaven only knows,
My painful plight,

The stones' pointed starkness,
Suffocated by darkness,
No one can see,
That all these things are killing me,

That rose used to glow so bright,
But now it's light,
Is lost to the eternal night,

I wish that I could somehow break free,
It'd be better to feel nothing,
Than to feel this pain,

I wish that someone would see,
Something,
Of this deadly domain,

How long have I been here?
Encased in this cell,
Of thorns and darkness,
I can't even tell,
Time goes by so sluggishly,
I might as well,
Be in Hell,

Who's to say I'm not already there?
But I know I'm on Earth,
I'm still alive,
If this could be called living,

I choke on this air,
I have known no mirth,
Can I be revived?
No, this place is unforgiving,

Would it be easier to end it now?
Even if I could somehow,
Escape this place,
I'd never be able to face,
The world with its barbed lace,
The scars still marring my skin,
My self-control is wearing thin,
Scrabbling in the thorns and vines,
I grasp the handle of the knife,
Time to end my miserable life,
I plunge it deep, ready to part,
With this miserable existence,
Feel it embedded in my heart,
I whisper my last words to that rose,
Shining like the brightest star,
"My love, I am sorry, but,
Your love wasn't enough,
To keep me alive,"
The blood flows from the cut,
All I will leave behind is a scuff,
In the dirt,
In heaven shall I be revived.

The stars in the sky,
Pinpoints of light,
Cold, hard,
Brilliant, bright,
Diamonds, fire,
They last forever,
The royal court,
Of the indigo sky,
Their queen, the moon,
Sometimes shy,
Sometimes bold,
Sometimes she hides,
But she is always there,
With her face so fair,
To watch o'er us,
Everywhere.

I look to the sky tonight, My Love,
Tonight, I look to our star,
And on that star, I wish you goodnight,
For yes, I know who you are,

My Someone is no longer a mystery to me,
I know that my Someone is you,
But O, how I wish--if only you'd see,
That I am your Someone too.

One day
My heart did fix on you,
Surprised,
Blushing, hiding–

One month
I still did dote on you,
Silent,
Watching, waiting–

One year
Spent, "He's too good to be true,"
Still,
Hoping, praying–

One lifetime
I ne'er did forget you,
Steadfast,
Smiling, dying–

One eternity
Rewarded for being true,
Seraph,
Guarding, guiding–