I wish I had something else to write about
Something other than you
But you’re my muse
You’re my world
I hate it
I wish I could focus on something other than you
But my mind always strays to the memories of us
To the sound of your voice
And for a moment
It feels as if we could be
But we never will be
Because my mom said I’m not your type

I’m so proud of you
I hope you know that
But I don’t know how to tell you
Without it seeming odd
You don’t know who I am
You don’t know what you mean to me
And I don’t think you ever will know
But you take up a huge section of my heart
And my head
And I’m so in love with you

No one understands how much it hurts that you don’t remember me.
When I see the pictures of us, it’s like my heart skips a beat.
Then it remembers you have no idea who I am.
And my head tells my heart to stop falling for you,
To stop being foolish and to fall for someone my parents would be proud of.
But my heart continues to beat faster whenever I hear your name
Or see your face
Or hear your voice.
And my head hates my heart for it.

I’ll see you for the last time in 8 days.
Not the last time ever
But the last time in a while
A long time
The last time in about 4 months.
And it hurts.
I don’t know what to do about it.
How can I make this time last?
Can we remember it this time?
I wonder if you’ll change in the time I don’t see you.
I wonder what you’ll do, where you’ll be, who you’ll be with.
I have no control over your life
But I wish it was me you would hang out with
Over the months you have a break
I wish it was me you’d spend your time on
I wish it was different
But it won’t be
So I’ll see you for the last time in a while I’m 8 days
You won’t remember it
But I’ll cherish it until I see you again.

I hate how very few people understand the kind of love I have for him.
It’s a strange love.
A love I can’t explain.
It feels like the ocean washing up on the shore in the bright sun.
It feels like sand between your toes on a hot day.
It’s new and it’s bold and it’s inconceivable.
It’s unrequited.
It’s painful.

“You only like him because he’s attractive”

Do you think so low of me to assume I choose who to give my love to based on appearance?
Do you really not know that it’s much more than that?
That I love him because he’s perfect in every way?
Do you not see his kindness? His laughter? His intelligence?
Or do you just see his pretty face and assume I’m so shallow as to choose that over personality?

When I look at him
My heart swells with pride
My stomach fills with butterflies
My brain fuzzes and fries
My hands begin to shake
And suddenly
It’s like I forget my own name
I can barely form a sentence
My words are bland and sharp
What I want to say doesn’t come out
A lump forms in my throat
And my lungs struggle to function
I can think
But I cannot say
I cannot express
I want to tell him how much I’m in love with him
Instead i’ll settle for a ‘hi’