Ronald Maxwell Segel: Poems

Jul 2012 · 1.3k

Ronald Maxwell Segel Jul 2012

There was the oddest bloke
Who had a bath in Coke
He licked himself dry
And with a little cry
He exploded in a cloud of smoke.

Jul 2012 · 2.7k

There was a girl named Louise

Ronald Maxwell Segel Jul 2012

There was a girl named Louise

There was a girl named Louise
Who sat amongst the trees
She had a dream
About peaches and cream
And suddenly she began to sneeze

Jul 2012 · 944

There was a silly old whale

Ronald Maxwell Segel Jul 2012

There was a silly old whale

There was a silly old whale
Who went to a bargain sale
He bought a coat
On which he wrote
“In case I get caught in a gale.”

Apr 2012 · 870

There was a man called Venter

Ronald Maxwell Segel Apr 2012

There was a man called Venter

There was a man called Venter
Who married an old yenta
He became Magaya
And said, “I’m no liar,
My name has changed to Centner!”

© Ronald Maxwell Segel 2008
Venter - Afrikaans surname
Yenta – old woman, Yiddish
Magaya – become Jewish, Yiddish

Apr 2012 · 3.8k

There was a truck, a chorrie*

Ronald Maxwell Segel Apr 2012

There was a truck, a chorrie*

There was a truck, a chorrie
Some people would call it a lorry
It backfired one day
And was heard to say,
‘Jislaaik, I’m blerry sorry.’

© Ronald Maxwell Segel 2008
Chorrie - an old vehicle, afrikaans slang
blerry – very
jislaaik – no literal translation

Apr 2012 · 1.7k

Good old Ludwig von Beethoven

Ronald Maxwell Segel Apr 2012

Good old Ludwig von Beethoven

Good old Ludwig von Beethoven
Wrote music that was greathoven
His deafness didn’t preclude
The greatness of this dude
But now, alas, he is latehoven

Apr 2012 · 3.1k

A battered VW Beetle named Dusty

Ronald Maxwell Segel Apr 2012

A battered VW Beetle named Dusty

A battered VW Beetle named Dusty
Whose bodywork was decidedly rusty
Still was able to travel
On tarmac and gravel
In a manner observably trusty.

Feb 2012 · 1.2k

A nice young fellow from Sabie

Ronald Maxwell Segel Feb 2012

A nice young fellow from Sabie

A nice young fellow from Sabie
Sent a letter to Robert Mugabe
It said, “Now you are King
And doing your thing
May I sell you a derby?"

Feb 2012 · 1.1k

A composer frans liszt

Ronald Maxwell Segel Feb 2012

A composer frans liszt

A composer frans liszt
Came home from the inn quite piszt
That night he’d sung
On the top of his lungs
And pounded drums with his fistz

Feb 2012 · 1.5k

A bored old codger from the East

Ronald Maxwell Segel Feb 2012

A bored old codger from the East

A bored old codger from the East
One day ate a barrel of yeast
He began to perspire
The prelude to expire
But he rose quite well, at least!

Nov 2011 · 2.1k

A man ate some mustard

Ronald Maxwell Segel Nov 2011

A man ate some mustard

A man ate some mustard
Instead of some custard
Without even a frown
He just gulped it down
Saying, “My insides won’t get rusted.”

Nov 2011 · 1.2k

There was a man from Darling

Ronald Maxwell Segel Nov 2011

There was a man from Darling

There was a man from Darling*
Who stole a case of Carling ~
He drank it all up
In a small plastic cup
And then was led away, snarling.

Nov 2011 · 1.9k

There was a lady of Lenz

Ronald Maxwell Segel Nov 2011

There was a lady of Lenz

There was a lady of Lenz
who had 4000 hens
she gathered the eggs
and sold ‘em in kegs
she now drives a Mercedes Benz.

Nov 2011 · 1.4k

There was a man from York

Ronald Maxwell Segel Nov 2011

There was a man from York

There was a man from York
Who ate his knife and fork
He swallowed a plate
At half past eight
And now he’s chewing a cork

Jan 2011 · 715

There was a girl called Monique

Ronald Maxwell Segel Jan 2011

There was a girl called Monique

There was a girl called Monique
Who got struck dumb at the biblioteek*
She saw a **** book
And after one look
She ran out screaming eek, eek, eek!

Jan 2011 · 794

There was a young lady called B

Ronald Maxwell Segel Jan 2011

There was a young lady called B

There was a young lady called B
Who had an urgent desire to P
There was no toilet around
So she used the ground
What a sight that was to C

— The End —