accompanied my father to a massage center
i saw these people wearing orange shirts
some are looking down, some left, some right
i didn't have the idea, i didn't know

how much is this
it's fifty

that moment i knew, i saw, i heard, i felt
that these people have the darkest days of their lives
that there are black blankets covering their eyes
they are blind men, i leaned down, i prayed

two kids ran inside the center
daddy do you want to eat?
no son, i still need to work here
but daddy you're not yet eating since 12 pm
i have to work son, go get your mother

i don't know what to feel
perhaps these kids are just six or eight
they are so young, yet so brave
i don't know what to feel, it's just sad

at that moment i realized
that within these two eyes i am lucky
i am blessed
we are blessed

we see the sun rise and set
we see how the clouds look like and how they move
we see the birds fly high, we see the colors around us
but some don't appreciate it

at that moment i realized
i realized that i was more blind than them
because i never saw the beauty of appreciation
i never knew that i have more than black blankets than them


because i was blind
because we were blind

*b.a

steadfast, free, happily i am running
towards the light, towards the happiness of life
young, fresh, yet so brave
until one day it all just happened

i told myself to be much more careful
but i was drowned, i almost died
along those fake words i heard
along those false feelings i felt

i am young, i was young
i didn't know, i was in your jail
abused, hurt, tricked, and cheated
yes i am young, but i am not stupid as you think

attracted to the flawed actions you make
attached to the poisonous words you take
tied by the thorns of your arms
i almost died in your hands

but it was not too late
to think about the other things in life
it is not just about you, i know there is much more than you
there is much more than this

i am healed, i am free, and i am feeling young again
i was once drowned, and it will never happen again
because i already know how to swim
in the ocean of insincerity

*b.a

His eyes caught me
From a distance I see
Dyed hair of white and dark blue
Like his lips, coloured
Like his smile, I see
Deep within the surface,
Is his hidden secrets
Deep within the smile,
Is his hidden pain

His eyes caught me
Shaded with dark thick lines
Closer and closer ,  I feel
His hair swept to the side
Like his voice
Like his laugh, I hear
Echoing beneath me,
Is his soothing voice
Echoing beneath me,
Is his pure joy

Today is the day
The day he’ll feel alive
The day he might notice
The day I knew ,
I truly love him.
                
                                                                  *to love me back will be everything

I keep on crawling
Bashing, walking, disappearing
Reappearing in your nightmares
I have not done anything but you distance yourself
Back out, Abort, Fight back, and ****
Inevitable.
My poison is pain
My poison is harm
My poison is death
It will do us apart

My insides break
You stepped on me
Crushed my soul
Yet I armed myself
Of pride, strength and independence
I am broken,
Arms shattered
Heart battered
Poisoned by my own toxins,
I altered myself

I hide in the dark
To be unknown
Leave reality
And weave my thoughts into a house
Then you break it,
Breaking, into useless strings
Spinning into infinity
Breaking from reality
Settling for disparity
I crash, unbridled

I sit between the lines
Keeping myself
From the light
The harm of the its shine
Triggering, Stunning my arms
As I embark life;
Discovering,
Living,
Dying.
Learning that everything will end.

Recovering,  from the glass,
That demolished itself
Corrupted itself
And breaking into pieces
Stabbing me, bits by bits
Analyzing the blood
Flowing down my arms
Streaming down my cheeks
Setting up a castle
Lies and Lies and all those cries

I am mistaken
A behemoth,
Out of your fallen minds
Revealing darkness
Unveiling the pain
From life;
Tortured souls
Self harm
Suicidal tendencies
How we are today

The castle of fears and pains
Build, standing steadily
Yet at one angle
Breaking
Tears streamed
Will anyone see
Will anyone feel
Will anyone weave my house, my castle
Back to place
Let all the darkness disappear
And crush my pride then Call for;
H     E     L    P.



-jnldm

If I was more,
Will you love me?
Will you even care?
Someone as iridescent as you
As all the purity lies in you
Has taken over with a glow
Your smile is more true
Because of her
The mysterious 'her'.
Who is she that captivated your heart?

If I was beautiful,
Will you love me?
Will you even stare?
Someone as infinite as you
All the love that lies in you
Has taken over me
Your heart beats solemnly
Because of her
The lovely 'her'.
Who is she who made your heart beat?

If I was her
Will you love me?
Will you notice me?
Will you hold my hand
As you held hers on a cold rainy night?
Will you kiss me
That passionate as you desired that beautiful evening?
When will you say,
"I do... love you"?
... Will you ever love me to ashes?
                                                          ­       *But I will.

The night’s coldness have hit me
Breeze full of memories
Of the distant past
Coming to freeze you from reality
And let the old times through
Realizations have cornered my mind
As the wind blew the pain away
Once again the clarity of life
Without the frosted eyes from the year’s pain
Shaved fear off my sleaves
And let the light decorate me
Ornaments hanging beautifully and free
Cakes delightfully plated
Holiday’s blend of happiness and comfort
You’re back again!

-jnldm

If I was a pen*
My point will be the world,
Then my ink will be hope,
And the paper is humanity.
So every time I touch humanity,
I give off hope through the world
Releasing it for human kind,
The world being a bridge for change,
Becoming a useful pen for living things.
With every mark humanity will be determined
With every touch the world becomes better.
And even though I’ll make a mess
And even though I’ll spill my ink
I can say I scattered hope
I can say I tried to change the world for the better
And that this mess, made hope sprung to everyone.
And as a ‘normal’ pen
I will write countless words until everything is gone
And You may say hope is gone,
But the hope I had inside is given to humanity
Filling the hearts and minds.
And this hope will form more pens
And this hope will inspire
And this hope will be a better being
And this hope will be our world.
But I’m not a pen
And I don’t need  to be a pen to give hope
And I don’t need a pen to change the world.
I’m going to be a human being
A human that will spark change
A human that will give hope
A human who will rise after the storm
A human who will see the sun, the rainbow after the rain.
I am a human
My mind will be the world,
Then actions will be hope,
And my heart will be humanity.
So every time I’ll do something
I’ll think about the world
And I’ll feel what everybody needs
And I’ll know what to do
I am a human and I’ll give hope




-jnldm