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rolanda Dec 2013
self inflicted torture
sadistic sensation
masochistic sin
****** up hallucination

as tethered thrall
trembling for admission
succumbed balladeer
in your realms of inquisition

scarlet tainted skin
twisted anticipation
the evil of the heart
my dark imagination
inspired and half plagiarized of poem "what hides inside" by aka pi3c3s 0f myS3Lf
rolanda Dec 2013
sway,sway ash-green foliage
           the wind caress you not occasionally
                striped cat looks with his phosphorescent eyes on
                        flying bird
how dead should I be
  for  
       you give me
                    your silky tenderness
lock of your wheaten hair I hide
             in the dried spring
   to visit it once a month
                   to listen an echo of your crane's soul
rolanda Dec 2013
True Friends
A long time ago in China there were two friends, one who played the harp skilfully and one who listen skillfully.
When the one played or sang about a mountain, the other would say: "I can see the mountain before us."
When the one played about water, the listener would exclaim: "Here is the running stream!"
But the listener fell sick and died. The first friend cut the strings of his harp and never played again. Since that time the cutting of harp strings has always been a sign of intimate friendship.

                                                               ­                                  From „ Zen flesh, Zen bones“*


the gallery of your luscious qualities
do indeed killing me
there is no one scolding you
like they doing on me
for such nonsenseal guilt, that
i sometimes  use imaginary
but alas it happens far seldom
usually i am indeed just infinitely
diminutiv towards your very boldship
the severe prose of life dont
let write astute  fantasies
yet my punk *** is vernacular towards
your upperclassed way to speak
its like dog's bark near
your charming chant of melodies
to be befriended with you
yet listen your compliments
I am getting perplexed
cuz i see you stiff giggling on me
you would better doubt me for my narrow horizon
where i type only about hopelessely of resistance
yet about that love is dead
how bore!!
it trully not what may enterntain!

Better I would dont coment and dont write anymore
Better I would skimp this beggarly text
instead only  picking nose behind of barricade
and let you hear nix beside my
Perro Semihundido's
WOOF!WOOF!WOOF!

….but, I wrote this lolololong locomotive,
since its obviously my pretty fun to ******* myself
bye
rolanda Dec 2013
iron bars on windows
cheapest radiowave loud from loudspeakers
in smoking room
spreading
nonstop most tasteless songs
shouts, giggling and whispers and cries
mixed in the air
swallowing ugly pills under severe control of ugly sanitarian
pills from which you become weak, weary and zombies-like
to not commit suicide is not allowed
to keep glass bottles
no laptop allowed
10 minutes walk a day
and this only with attendance of
medical personal
stupid graffities on the walls of toilets and
smoking room
scarying
anything about punishment of ******* god
surely made not by patients
but belong to „estimated inventary“
the most horror procedure
is doctor visit at every morn
for so-called conversation
you, even not obsessed with suicide
would wish to hang yourself
from unability to cut doc' s throat
so spoke Antonin Artaud
who spent 9years in closed insane asylum in France
while Ezra Pound spent over 12 years in Washington D.C. Mental ward
me spent „only“ 6 months
but i pretty sure that this joy is worse than
be locked in jail
where you at least know what a ******* crime you supposed to commit
me unemployed dadaist was locked by catching by police spraying graffity
in Berlin, which called „FREE PIDGIN!“
reason enough to being diagnosed and
poisoned by legal drugs

we live indeed in society where freedom of speech rules
haha
it was modest trial to tell literally of the darkest terror: loony bin
rolanda Dec 2013
once i awoke and suddenly
got kinda satori :
„i dont love you anymore“.
this is salvation from
the labyrinth of sorrow
I will again enjoy the rays of light
and black coffee and the walk
few days went by, since I tattooed
in my mind this formula
„i dont love you anymore“
but all these little joys (in the days without you)
were so transient
they meant nothing
in comparison
with my all-colored feelings to you.
Even the pain is like a petal of flower
I grasped that „i dont love you“ just doesnt work
and I write you a thousand and second time
how much happens between us-till to deafness
I remember so much-of cause in vain.
songs unsung, unspoken words and phrases
Sobs and screams and jokes in which you
Still come true , you came
you didnt lost on the bend of fate ....
in thousand second time I count the days
of being blue, they all without you.
rolanda Dec 2013
what can tortured lonely creator do to break free?
To get rid of all his oppressors and get into  equanimity
the answer is single: to write, sculpt or paint!
but what is when he is droven mad?
Michel Foucault said that nobody yet have created something
by staying in madness..

what else?
Write letters,letters, letters, untill you see how superficial or ****** up are your addressees?
It will end in loony bin
where psychiatric terror make from him a aboulic lamb
he remain being broken forever untill this magic moment
if he will be so lucky to meet a friend
such real friend who gift him understanding
understanding is only salvation
understanding is only solution
understanding is only freedom
rolanda Dec 2013
...
You wanna just peace?
with me, such a tease?
No, you better be warrior
you better show me your keen teeth
thereby i may trust you, dear baby..
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