I've checked into a place
Much like this before
The furniture lined with restriction
Woven worries don the upholstery at the floor
It is a waiting room white as tight knuckle skin
Black diamonds adorn the door
There is a small zen garden
In the corner, on a table
Existing but for use as nothing
It contains no sand or rocks or rake
Delicate plant life around the room
But not a drop of soil at its base
A bowl of peppermints, but only for those with
An acquired taste

Familiarity takes a swig
Burns in the tummy
Of the hearth of the room
Only here does the fire stay cold
And only here is the news always old.

Sick and tired
Of being good at looking fine
Where should my heavy head go when I cry?
Not on a shoulder
You're not showing the signs

How odd that it is that
When you talk about your's
And I talk about mine
We're speaking in differing tongues, and times
Mine is far back down the line

Where is my circle of sobbing friends?
My pats on the back,
Or someone other than my mother
To keep me on track
Someone other than a figure
Glasses, sweater
That can trigger progression
Without stripping my family
Of groceries for the week

Where is the understanding
That I was indeed in love
To the point where I panicked
Flew a line
Blew my sanity
And ran it all the way back to what
I must be and remain
Just an awkward, sophomore
Scatterbrain.

Today is a day for wishful thinking
Or day long television marathons
A day of binging until your soul wears thin

Today is a day for bleaching
Licking envelopes so they will
Rip when pried
Just to hide what they hold

Today is a day for sacrifice
To sacrifice depriving yourself
Don't be so greedy about the amount you ignore

Today is a day to sit and cry
Even though you don't know why

Today is one of the days you can let yourself lull in the
Hangover of love
To feel the buzz of everyone else's call
But want no one else at all
This, is the day to waste away

Maybe yesterday was forbading
And tomorrow may be delayed
But I've put my foot down
I'm not ******* around
Because today?
Is a happy day.

Always gonna want your name
Sharpied
At the front of my shirt
Always gonna scream from the stands the way I did for you
And just fake the way I do, my lungs stay true

Never gonna
Stop missing the way your mouth wanted air
But when it had my lips?
For air, it no longer cared
Though my lips may be shared with the cold until they're blue
I'll just fake the way I do, my lips stay true

Always hated it
When you ran your fingers through my one curl
I worked so hard!
But you never ceased
And you loved it up
Tucked up in a bun and you melted over me like butter
Wish I could recreate the lines on my skin you drew
Still fakin' the way I do, my hair and skin? Are true

Forever I'm going to sit
Unprepared
Move my mind in stills to touch your translucency
Never seen eyes so fixed, they stuck to me
Baby you know me, I look everywhere
But only have eyes for you
So I'll fake the way I do, my eyes stay true

And the way my heart used to twirl
Like a heart-wrought lover with a head of curls
My life was a movie

When the feature ended you were an actor
Captured by the role of raptures
Tired of faking what was always there
Problems nesting themselves in my hair to my brain
To my eyes
My lungs
They all tell me I have no room, to be with you
But they can all just fake it, 'cause my heart stays true.

Presents don't mean what they used to
And I understand why you never
Used my mugs and platters
That I constructed myself
With my little hands
And my heart of unaware

They have holes
These lopsided bowls
Or pots
Whatever you prefer
They've been on display and only now
I understand

They are non-intrinsic treasures
Holds no monetary promise
But you hold it in your heart
Such as every smashed dandelion
Or mishapen clay creature I've ever conjured
Yet I know you love them, uninferred.

My work is constant
Hands stretched thin but layers remain
Mouth like a cherry
Legs like a train

Won't come back until I know
I'm safe in stacks of moods my own
Small hairs attract

Locomotive listeners tap their feet
Just to bind the memory of a beat
Don't wanna forget but it's so discrete
No rhythm you find is mine or your's

Don't look at me like that again
Wish I could detect the pair of stares I see so often but
It's all a mush these days
And I'm in no rush to stay

Wobbling, finding a stranger rope
Straddling with self confidence
I've got on loan for the next two months

If you need to speak with me I'll be over there
Eating exotic fruit in the shadow of a cause neither lost nor found
It's nice and cool with this overwhelm beating down
Come sit with me and enjoy the air.

Sing me a song of
This romance gone wrong
It sounds so intriguing, I can
Barely contain myself

I'm sorry, do I come off brash?
I feel distracted
Can I bite your skin?
Find the troubled,
Insecure soul deep within?

Why are you so tense?
Your skin's like an apple's
You both taste like rain
Strange...
Don't feel like playing games?

Sorry, this is coming off as nasty
Don't worry, I'm done
Just pass me by
There's a shard in your eye
As big as the touch that used to make me cry

Could I still be a stranger,
Though you know every turn?
Could confidently travel
Every bump, every curve
You love this land
Try to pick out parts that enthrall you the most
But by now,
You've said they're all your favorites
And I like that

If I'm an animal then you are my instinct
My predetermined pawprints and my next neck to breathe down
The limbs that help me prowl around
The air that dances with my tail,
Applying force where I cut the air

Forgive me I'm not good at this
Do I flaunt my step or **** my hip?
Fake being ansy or bite my lip?
Or we ***** this odd rhythm and skip right to the drop
I don't know what you're doing but I won't tell you to stop.

My hair is feeling good today
Moves about my fingers with a sound like rain
Soft like a sigh, they let me breathe
The strands hold no effort, only shine
I bow my head and it slinks to the table
Laughs with a swoosh
And slides on the slab
Quivers with itself

They are arms, extensions
Of my mind
I turn my head and they ready themselves
Pirouetting, gracefully prepared
It falls and hushes across my shoulders
Reptillious and curious, self-entertained

Each movemnt is an earthquake
An electric shock that pulses and jumps
Coiled up length that frames me so
Sit in a new way that I don't know.

Treat the lemon
Like it's rain
Find the rind's weak side and cringe
Blowing softly at the fringe it delights the mind for one,
Whole night

You smile in rows
In columns and dots
They line me up and slather me with offense
Knock one down and forget the rest

Look at me for two whole seconds
Just enough time to make me start
The hungry thunder of my heart
The warmth spreads like a second skin
And a nasty laughter folds within
How've I been, how've you been?

Knead the dough until it's dry
Knead until your knuckles crack
Fold over but it never shrinks
Just enough to make you think
Keep running 'til I die.

I can only sweep the same
place so many times
Thrilling, debilitating way to live
Let's debate about which side should give

No, I won't turn my head
To anything other than hair so blonde and
Bones so long
Watch me as I adjust what's mine
I'll push myself while you keep time
So right
So clean


Our tongues frill and jump
As sarcastic formings flee our lungs
Stick it to me
I'm a sucker for a hopeless case
Don't make me chase what's not there.

Tree, why do you shake?
Because it is cold.

Why do you slump?
It's because I am old.

Are you leaving, with the leaves?
Yes, I go when they do.

Alright, I'll see you next year.
**And I'll be seeing you, too.

Love isn't all it's cracked up to be
There are fights, and doubt
And times when you fear what the future is keeping
To itself
It is cold and alone
Your house isn't home

Each friend is a pastime
But each love is a job
A hobby
A passion
A gut-wrenching hug after the day's been too long
It is a tool
A fixture
An element, and a mixture
A blessing and a verse
Your life turns into fast forwards
Pause

Then reverse

But this loss,
It isn't all it's cracked up to be
It isn't like you and me
Because we loved each other
Didn't we?

Miss the crying
Miss the lies
Miss the tying binds of lives
Entwined
So forever yours,
And mine

Miss the roughness
Of masculine taste
Of feminine want
Of lust long erased
Of a smoldering fire
That we never replaced

To find something new
Is impossibility
Is there a box where you hold
My discretion, my sanity?
My illusions?
Me?

I will poke at the belly
That you used to hug
I will ponder the body that
You used to love
I will gnaw at the fingers
That you used to kiss
And I will smother the hope
That I am something you'll miss.

I wish you loads of fortune
Cashews
And grains of salt from foreign grounds

I wish you mobility
Through a sky not travelled by
I wish for you to dream and fly

Enjoy the fair food
Like it's wine
I wish for you to pass the time
With humble thoughts you won't admit
Abandon the life to which I couldn't commit
To which I fix that, bit by bit

And last of all
I wish you immaturity
The ability to love and lose, to lick you lips
To close your eyes
And choose

And I wish there was a better way
If common sense can't mend the break
Love like this is far too light
So I'll sit knee deep and drunk in history
Stroke blonde hair, and curse all night.

Sticky fingered clothing clings
Backwards feathered martyr sings
Foamy smiles brush my sides
Strings of fringes clump and sigh

Gaze that wanders
Sweet pause, last longer
Run a tune too many times
Lick the fingers of sublime
Mask your finds
Casually lather up a rhyme.

Correct, as the night
So make your choice, is it fight or flight?
High
As a kite
From consistency, it would only seem
That the time is ripe
Just cut it clean

Finding the bind
That will coincide between my mind
You say yours is lost, but mine is fine
A change
In pace
But there's enough sound to go round
Slow down, this ain't a race

Reaching out to teach me doubt
Gave a **** what you're about
Can't make a decent rhyme
So he punches walls
***** it all
Puts me down,
Then he's alright

It would seem only fair
If you'd touch my hair
or maybe there...
Martyr's fine,
but a downer's rare

Custody of my two feet
belongs to you, but they look at me
Say, "where to go?"
So I shift my stance, turn my lungs around
lets my lips say "I don't know."

Can't write a poem
Though a poem is my home
It's the place where I roam

If I can make things rhyme
In time in time in time
Too many syllables ****
****.
Can't think of much to rhyme with **** so
Lamb Lamb Lamb

Or I could be romantic
A rose knows how to tie bows
So it curls its toes and wrinkles its nose
Prose Prose Prose

Unfortunately, I am just me
An incomplete, awkward poem-to-be
But I persist and jot my lines
To a world where I am **undefined.

I don't know why I did what I did
The words spilled and shattered as they collided with my
Unidivided
Attention

Happiness creeps in, is hungry
Starving
Has to sneak for food
But is chased away
By an endless mood

It scoops out my heart
Leaves a gap for storage
Of all the items I have nowhere to place

My chair feels uncomfortable
As do my clothes
My skin
My teeth
My nose
My organs are closed

My body knows what it needs
But does not know the chore
It will punch holes in me and ask what
I'm waiting for.

What you're going through is normal
I don't feel normal

You have friends and family that love you and want to help you
I want him

Hurting yourself won't fix anything
That means it can't hurt anything, either

This feeling fades, it goes away
I don't want it to go away

It was a great love
It still is and I'm never letting go

I gave him everything

... Everything?

**Everything.

I met a void the other day
He speaks in stutters and rolls his tongue
Talks in slang, then ambles away

And later when I pondered him I wondered
Why both sides of my pillow are soiled
And my journal tastes of salt

I lace these minions with my love
Pull each apart
Too occupied to face my bare heart

So littered and heated with old despair
And for as long as he cares
The void is there.

I sit and swallow
Shards of panic
Follow follow
Lines of manic

Count to ten
Count to two
Flash of happy
Think of you
My ribs collapse
Soul relapse

The exhale's sharp
Jabs my heart
But I take a swig
And push the start

So I sit through life
Here I stay
Knowing everything I've had
I've thrown away.

I need you to know
That every part of me belongs to you
That when I close my eyes and heart
That I am hurting, too

I need you to know
That I need you there
Though it's not fair to you
I need you to know I care

I need you to know
That when I broke your heart in two
I held both halves
But they were both for you

I need you to know
That I'll get those in the mail
Though post is slow and I am nervous
Because you know they're very frail

I need you to know
That even though we're through
I will sniff the flowers and fix myself
On my way back to you

So when you're flying without strings
And you can hear my thoughts below
Just know that I'm not trying to hurt you, but
I needed you to know.

You can find me on the water slide
Picking daisies apart and whispering your name
Backwards
Forwards
And still it sounds the same

You will find me glancing through time and
Turning pages fast when I see
The ugly photographs
Of me

You will find me buried in the sand
The beads are salty
They are dry
And the nostalgic sound of crashing water makes me
Want to cry

The sand grows warm and I drift to sleep
And I dream of a shore
Where we are washed up
Hand in hand
Core to core

It's so hard not to feel insane
When I love the creation that is your brain
Your skin smells damp of earth and
Rain

Coils winding through my hands
Soft and fair
Golden hair

Your cheeks, they plummet sharp
Creates a sculpture
Melts my heart

You think I look but it's so much more
Every kiss is a strain,
A chore,
A kiss that burns me to my core.

Tonight I watch us bloom,
With you
Stuck in the rhyme of time
We gather, and we sit,
Sublime
Not every moment tastes so still
No essence of tension, so we
Wait for the new battle to instill
But while we wait? Let's
Celebrate in quiet
And study the color
The texture in each others' eyes like we're
Soulmates, dizzy and tired.

The fire doesn't hide inside us
It's about the air, it's
Everywhere
Devotion combs its fingers through our hair
Lust curls up,
And falls asleep
In our laps and at our feet
And we sit, our bodies absorbant
******* in warmth for the next time it's
Cold
These times here with you never last forever
But if they did
Wouldn't they get old?

The dream I had about you
Was meaningless and weird
It wasn't odd and it rang true
It wasn't what I feared

The dream I had about you
Is fuzzy
Is unclear
I don't know what was happening
All I know is you were here

Yes, I had a dream about you
And from it
There isn't much to say
But I woke up and I cried because
I miss you anyway.

I mention all the negatives
When you're really quite the comedian
I cry from laughter all the time

And have I mentioned you're beautiful?
Because you're walking awe
You body inspires me all the time

And did I mention that sometimes
I sit alone and cry because I picture
Being without you, all the time.

You look better
When you're smiling
Doors of ivory hide unease

Your smile looks better
When your spiraling
Down down chutes of self appease

And I look better
When you're defiling
All the things that live to please.

My senses are extremity
The air is all I taste
It's gritty wise and patient
No inhale goes to waste

My senses are impeccable
My ears will leech the sound
Of a parking car
A healing scar
The growing in the ground

My senses overwhelm me
And touch is what remains
But we can touch eachother because
I know you feel the same.

I will be your listener and follower and friend
Let's brace this narrow slanting hope
Why can't we reach the end?

I will be a lover and a half of every choice
I'll be your biggest listener
When you have lost your voice

I will be allowing and aloof and so alone
Because your love,
Though fleeting,
Was the best I've ever known.

Sweet white meat between
My teeth

And between my teeth I let it run
Down my throat and over my tongue

Taste so rich
And smooth
And firm

My summer fruit
Just make me warm

Time is close the mind is right so
Take the pipe and
Watch it light
Opaque clouds will
Shroud the night
It coats the soul and minds take flight
Up up up
Kite kite kite

Some minds are there while
Here I sit
The wind is strong but the
Bowl is lit
I play my part as a passerby
It's just as fun to see them fly

But it's a fleeting sense of
Wrong and Right
When all they do is
Light light light.

It's riskier than you might think
To mention skin as being "pink"
To a girl that's tried to wash away
The hopeless thought of being gray

Orange is such a pleasant tone
On clothes and walls and college dorms
And lamps,
And fruit,
But coating the pigment of someone's arms?
That's okay,
It's not me they're trying to charm


But it's curious...
Why be afraid?
Of the Sun's
"Terrible",
"Damaging",
"Harmful" rays?
But if skin is preferred oily and white
It's not me who judges for a ghostly sight

But I
As a child of the Sun,
As is everyone,
I could run to and from
The beach
And never bleach
Or dye
A piece of me
Because I know it will reach every crease of me and kiss
My skin,
So warm with bliss
And let the embrace
Brush the plains of my face
And over my skin I let it graze
And leave just a taste of summer's glaze.

As a sea wishes it could see
A bee longs for more to be.
And I wish to meet the eye
Of every passing passerby

A waist that wants to waste away
The monster that prays for every prey
The one that wishes it could have won
A nose that knows,
A toe that tows
The burden of an ode I've always owed.

On a happier note!
I found a new antidote
It tasted
Like something between
Mittens and soap
Something like a light handshake
And a *****
Held the line between despair
And nauseating hope

It was a red nose, or a car
Or a throat caked with tar
And it's this hard I try,
And don't know where you are
Gone so far, that I've made friends
With my scars.

The doubt is encircling
The negativity nauseates
My inner soul
I can't control what you think
Of me
The one you claim to love,
To want,
To need,
To treat better.

I guess a mistake is better left unspoken
But then where's the truth?
In the corner,
Broken?

For the amount you claim
To put out
I get out nothing,
But this heartbroken drought
And you ******* believe,
That I live for these doubts?
And what's perfect,
Is you're something I can't live without

I can't take all this hurt
Steal a glance, walk away
Can't breathe deep
And rewind
So it all goes away
No no no
Your blows are something that won't start to stray
They will stay
And will stay
And will stay and watch me
All
Day

It may sound cliche
But it always rings true:
I can never escape
When my heart lies with you.

I learned of insecurities
The day I learned of birds and bees
They're a pair, but not together
This was just coincidence

Painted nails
Garage sales
Cheating males
And giving my two cents

I feel the heel of doubting hate
Hold me down
But hesitate.
The distinction between
Stop and
Wait
Astounds me
Surrounds with a feeling like

Is there a lost that knows the way?

A sight to you is a sight to me
But is it a sight if we both can't see
It's ability to be and only be?

A fallen tree is a sound to be
As it is found by a deer
A fox
A bee.
But what about you,
And what about me?

We can and will be
As a sound, or a tree
As something that will never see
Existence.

There is jail
There is Hell
There is space where you roam
In between places nowhere
And the place you call home

They can tell you you're nothing
That you can't be free
But what is free
Is always
Your right to be.

When brunettes see me stop and stare
I wonder what hides beneath their glare
Under by and by smiles
I'm pathetic,
And watch
Walk through each like an aisle

Beauty, hair,
It's everywhere!
Long, long summer length
Bold of shine and full of strength
It's been so long, I've watched mine grow
But it still won't reach down to my toes
Hair, Hair, Hair


Blonde here, red there
Straight impossible thick or fair

I like men,
Not the latter
But that doesn't matter
Because the locks of men cannot compare
To a brunette that makes me stop and stare.

Teeth so white,
and straight,
and clean

Legs so long,
so tan,
so lean

Body so fierce,
and tight,
and great

Mind so gone,
too little,
too late.

Can a silver cord bring you back?
To your hair, your luminescent messy headed shards of gold.
It moves in a coil
Like a snake, or a Slinky.
Quakes like your curls.

The beads are perched, one next to the other.
Perfect and sagging in a bend like a timeless smile
Like yours
Each bead a tooth, each
makes me smile back at you.

And the colors
The colors, the colors.
They are your moods, your rounded flaws.
So great and right.
If I could wear you every day, If I could wear you every day.

Yesterday I saw you fly
It was a bird but so am I
We flew so high I couldn't see
But who cares?
I'm as much a bird as bird could be.

You know,
The Brain and Heart will work as one.
And do you know what your life will become?
Pleasant, full, one balanced choice
After another, and another.
But what happens when they battle?
You best hope the heart will win.
Because when it begins? It will feed off your sins.
The guilt will fill you to the brim
Of things that you will never win
You can cry, yell,
You can go around and tell
All your friends
And they'll coax you and pretend
That it's okay, it's just a trend of your
Mind
And you will leave it all behind.
Just distract, interact.
Can't be so bad, just make a pact
With your Body, and forgive, remember the will to live.
Be nice to yourself, you've got flaws
Just like me, just like him.
Only...
We know how to swim.
So if you drown, just let it.
Just let it pull you down.
Because this is a monarch,
and the Mind always wins the crown.

Sublime
On time
But never late.
It hovers, waits
It relocates
It destroys the butterflies it creates.
Time will tell
What stays the same
But love's outcomes
Are never sane.