The emotion
Of what I've become
Is something of a pendulum
I drift in lows and soar when high
I move, unless disturbed

If you'd like to feel my pressure
Feel the weight of keeping time
You can hold me all you'd like but
Hold me by the chain. At times
It seems like a boundary
But I take precaution
When healthy heart beats tug my core
Because if you hold me
Feel me
Knead me in your hands, you'll find the sharp point
Of what I'm living for

It may seem teasing
Delaying or sly
But I'm messy, so restless
Just test me
Swaying is what I do the best.

We've had our bout
Gone our route
Discovered some functions we
Can't live without
Made our spill and soaked the stain
Had our kisses in the rain
Found the grain that splits us quickest
Picked up thick-skinned suits to slip in
I've had alone, we've met before
Yes I've had alone

We made the discovery that had no end
Created a world of pure pretend
Found some mess and made her a lover
But the dirt clings tight and soils and bends
Coy coincidence made me a friend

So let's close the door and never look back
It is fruit of my labor
To taste with the sanity we lack
Attack of the mind may join hands at a time like now
Let's throw our smile at the light and crumble in for a bow
Let us say with certainty that we will never mix
But certainty is only valid
Until I find the fix.

I've checked into a place
Much like this before
The furniture lined with restriction
Woven worries don the upholstery at the floor
It is a waiting room white as tight knuckle skin
Black diamonds adorn the door
There is a small zen garden
In the corner, on a table
Existing but for use as nothing
It contains no sand or rocks or rake
Delicate plant life around the room
But not a drop of soil at its base
A bowl of peppermints, but only for those with
An acquired taste

Familiarity takes a swig
Burns in the tummy
Of the hearth of the room
Only here does the fire stay cold
And only here is the news always old.

Sick and tired
Of being good at looking fine
Where should my heavy head go when I cry?
Not on a shoulder
You're not showing the signs

How odd that it is that
When you talk about your's
And I talk about mine
We're speaking in differing tongues, and times
Mine is far back down the line

Where is my circle of sobbing friends?
My pats on the back,
Or someone other than my mother
To keep me on track
Someone other than a figure
Glasses, sweater
That can trigger progression
Without stripping my family
Of groceries for the week

Where is the understanding
That I was indeed in love
To the point where I panicked
Flew a line
Blew my sanity
And ran it all the way back to what
I must be and remain
Just an awkward, sophomore
Scatterbrain.

Today is a day for wishful thinking
Or day long television marathons
A day of binging until your soul wears thin

Today is a day for bleaching
Licking envelopes so they will
Rip when pried
Just to hide what they hold

Today is a day for sacrifice
To sacrifice depriving yourself
Don't be so greedy about the amount you ignore

Today is a day to sit and cry
Even though you don't know why

Today is one of the days you can let yourself lull in the
Hangover of love
To feel the buzz of everyone else's call
But want no one else at all
This, is the day to waste away

Maybe yesterday was forbading
And tomorrow may be delayed
But I've put my foot down
I'm not ******* around
Because today?
Is a happy day.

Always gonna want your name
Sharpied
At the front of my shirt
Always gonna scream from the stands the way I did for you
And just fake the way I do, my lungs stay true

Never gonna
Stop missing the way your mouth wanted air
But when it had my lips?
For air, it no longer cared
Though my lips may be shared with the cold until they're blue
I'll just fake the way I do, my lips stay true

Always hated it
When you ran your fingers through my one curl
I worked so hard!
But you never ceased
And you loved it up
Tucked up in a bun and you melted over me like butter
Wish I could recreate the lines on my skin you drew
Still fakin' the way I do, my hair and skin? Are true

Forever I'm going to sit
Unprepared
Move my mind in stills to touch your translucency
Never seen eyes so fixed, they stuck to me
Baby you know me, I look everywhere
But only have eyes for you
So I'll fake the way I do, my eyes stay true

And the way my heart used to twirl
Like a heart-wrought lover with a head of curls
My life was a movie

When the feature ended you were an actor
Captured by the role of raptures
Tired of faking what was always there
Problems nesting themselves in my hair to my brain
To my eyes
My lungs
They all tell me I have no room, to be with you
But they can all just fake it, 'cause my heart stays true.

Presents don't mean what they used to
And I understand why you never
Used my mugs and platters
That I constructed myself
With my little hands
And my heart of unaware

They have holes
These lopsided bowls
Or pots
Whatever you prefer
They've been on display and only now
I understand

They are non-intrinsic treasures
Holds no monetary promise
But you hold it in your heart
Such as every smashed dandelion
Or mishapen clay creature I've ever conjured
Yet I know you love them, uninferred.