my heart drops continuously
as the voices yell
pathetic, alone, unwanted
ignorant, wasted, inadequate
fat, ugly, unloved
i feel the tide pulling me out again
the first time in a couple of months
and i don't know how to fight it
and i almost don't even want to fight
i want it to win
because wallowing in self hatred is so much easier
than struggling to believe in love
when i haven't felt it in months.

the pills in the medicine cabinet
are cooing me
to a warm slow drop
into oblivion

i know that we all break in different
ways (and who am i to talk?) but
i thought you were stronger than that.

i'm sorry,
some things just don't
change-

(you could tell me
you still love me
one thousand times
and it wouldn't
make a difference;
i started tracing
his name into
the margins of my
school papers long
before you were
gone)

maybe it's time we just
forget