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Feb 2010 · 1.6k
Fixing the Fruit
Robert Zanfad Feb 2010
The flesh may still be fine...
One must just pare bruised
And bad spots away,
As a razor once excised mine.
A blurred mind mused
At the slowness of life
When it oozed,
Crimson's contrast
On pale skin,
Like paint
Escaped my palette,
Or red roses on canvas,
Mute shouts of color
Wasted in slick puddles
On the floor.
Red too soon fades sepia;
Wounds become scars,
Their hardness protects,
Forever reminds.
Though grown timid
Of assaults from steel,
Old psyche still yields
To lancet's probing,
Words released fall,
Now as drops to paper.
Copyright 2010, Robert Zanfad
Jan 2010 · 750
On Poetry
Robert Zanfad Jan 2010
My first lines dropped to draw up buckets
Of the sludge flooded to mind
Thus unfettered, to be normal again,
A sin only temporary.
But as time passes,
Thoughts emptied,
I find the well continues to fill
And the water, still black
Quite complementary
Jan 2010 · 849
Answers in Rain
Robert Zanfad Jan 2010
Were answers in rain,
Now just a fine mist.
Dark pools that remain
Seem to hint what I missed.
When it had come falling,
Wet head was bowed low;
Could heaven been calling
With answer of "Go
Please leave me to be
You simple, mad fool!
Bereave silently -
It's in quiet that you'll
Find new peace, obscurity,
Rediscover your place.
I gave you security,
Never again seeing my face",
Repeating sentiments
Expressed long ago,
In words that once sent
A weak soul to hell.
So, shoes soaked again,
Today just in puddles,
I ponder this rain
And whether it had meaning.
Jan 2010 · 565
The Last Summer
Robert Zanfad Jan 2010
How casual he sounded,
The son who told me.
Her death, years ago,
Was to him as old
As news to me.
She was mother to he
But came lover to me
And there on the street
As strangers just passing,
The glimmers of past
Stoked my memory
But I couldn't remember his name
'Till we parted.
Searching his face,
Now a man's same as me,
For signs of some hatred
Or blame -
There was none,
Still smiles were awkward
And relieved, I walked on.
Was it his grace
Or mature understanding
That I, too, was a boy,
When she took me abed,
Still chasing young butterflies
And playing with toys,
Never paying a thought to
Replacing his father.
Lust kept secret for seasons
Before reason came bother
Lost in our thighs,
Or her ancient demons,
But a family shattered.
And I, only prize,
'Came ***** to new friends
Like a cheap bottle of wine
To pass among lips,
Psyche eroding with each of their sips.
With naive trust battered,
The sweet fever broke.
I awoke,
Summer already over.
So bittersweet, this sentiment
My sin with forgotten lover,
A son who lost his mother.
Jan 2010 · 2.1k
Crafting Sparrows
Robert Zanfad Jan 2010
Desperate these words,                          
Chasing fleeting shadow,                      
Echoes flocking like birds                
Amid myriad distortions,
The unquiet mind's sorrow.                
In birth chosen for sweetness,                    
A bid for attentions of one                        
Soon fade mere whispers,                        
Weak and defeated tomorrow,                
Exhaled anguish unheard.                        
Written lines would have best
Been spoken in ears years ago
'Ere time flowed its course,
When ever softer verse
Might shimmer
Then a symphony,
Maybe able
To drown life's other sounds
Like Mozart, loud as one can turn up.
Would there be any remedy
Which relieves burdens of memory...
The music of dulcet strings
Does dull stings, still only temporary;
And since abandoned,
Thoughts of more ultimate things.
So still, some poet's quill
Crafts dreams into sparrows,
Sets fluttering free
Their unnatural wings
To sing a song of regret,
Share madness with the winds.
Dec 2009 · 761
The Butcher
Robert Zanfad Dec 2009
the sharpening steel
slid across blackened blade
in rhythm like rapid
even breaths
in the dark
leaving a thread
of gleaming silk
at its edge
new, polished, perfect
the only aspect
of a life detested
this had
purpose and value
making order of chaos
erasing those
imperfections too minor
for the eye to find,
work day assaults
from the sinews
of soft animal flesh
Blood, death' s smell
ever sating nostrils
and under nails
though scrubbed white
at closing time.
Dec 2009 · 710
Resolution
Robert Zanfad Dec 2009
What's the sound a rain drop makes
When it oozes from cracked plaster,
Splashing to wood at my floor
Wetting the paper and last week's

Now mostly finished crossword,
Distracting from latest distraction
Of some unread lines written
To marry ideas too absurd -

Clocks that can run backward, or
Knowing just when and where
In infinity one should stare
To see a shooting star soar

Pen bleeds from neat squares,
But with days left to dry
I could give it another try
Or perhaps use it now to
Sop up a puddle by the chair,

Nor will newest words ever be heard
I should listen to life that matters
These drips of dreams
Are drowned in inky water,
Sodden pages leave thoughts too blurred
Dec 2009 · 797
It's Prime Time
Robert Zanfad Dec 2009
It's prime time...
Let us now
Lower heads and bow,
Sing hymns to the responsive
Drive train of the latest model,
Ignore a "fasten seat belt" chime
Get on with real business,
Speeding mountain curves
In seats of Corinthian leather
(Professional driver
On closed course)
Of course the fine print
Didn't make it
To the big picture,
Seven twenty P HD
How repulsive!
To lay wreaths, handmade signs
Bows and teddy bears
In loving memory of the lost
As if it really matters
That a pizza delivery man,
Loving father of two,
His Corolla ripped to tatters,
Sacrificed a life to bring pie
In a half hour or less.
Dec 2009 · 792
Life in Prime Time
Robert Zanfad Dec 2009
It's prime time...
Let us now
Lower heads and bow,
Sing hymns to the responsive
Drive train of the latest model,
Ignore a "fasten seat belt" chime
Get on with real business,
Speeding mountain curves
In seats of Corinthian leather
(Professional driver
On closed course)
Of course the fine print
Didn't make it
To the big picture
How repulsive!
To lay wreaths, handmade signs
In loving memory of the lost
As if it really matters
That a pizza delivery man,
Loving father of two,
His Corolla ripped to tatters,
Sacrificed a life to bring pie
In a half hour or less.
Dec 2009 · 1.0k
A Meeting Perchance
Robert Zanfad Dec 2009
I see her lips curl in grimace
A purulence of old meat
Put off too many tomorrows
Air touched disinfected, rescented
An insult in time forgotten.  

Suddenly recalled with that face
Appearing amidst the street
Girlish want of it since disposed,  
Dead flesh wafts again, decayed, fetid
Memories of it since rotten
We look away and walk on
Dec 2009 · 810
Life's Teacher
Robert Zanfad Dec 2009
I learned the hard way
Hurricane's eye is just a lull
The other half yet to make its day
But having long ignored the call

And there, in place, with no escape
Pulled covers neigh, made peace
With force then scouring the cape
Feeding fears and doubts to its beast

Finally finding sleep, sweet rest
Accepting bed rocking, wind's howls
Awakened when morning's sun rose to bless
That battered, still standing house

Oh what glory brings new days!
White sea from foam still full
Boiling excitement in each new wave!
Folly survived, a new man, more humble
Dec 2009 · 743
Paper Memories
Robert Zanfad Dec 2009
In last eve's dream
We lay amid tall grass
Aside slow stream,
Share wine again
From one stemmed glass
Press lips, red stained
Ever avow our tomorrows.
But sun soon comes
Day demanding chores
Reverie must rest undone,
Mind mask its sorrows.
Pages once torn
And cast to wind
That new stories could form
Still flutter back in
To sweeten dark nights
Still real, my secrets
Nov 2009 · 849
Untitled 19
Robert Zanfad Nov 2009
Where's the heroism
In the folds of sheets
Tubes and wires' maze
Pads, sheaves of gauze
Rhythmic beating bleats
Of a mechanism

A last hope stand-in heart
Running on AC,
Chest grotesquely heaved
Each breath achieved
Like death's ecstasy
Young actor played his part

Defending hollow honor
On familiar streets
As if he had to
Live the credo
It's first love life cheats
Son won't mourn his mother
Nov 2009 · 890
At the Side of the Road
Robert Zanfad Nov 2009
Autumn leaves chased after
One another
Spinning pirouettes like
Children at play
Rustling in gentle laughter.
I stifled a cry
To call them aside
Stand clear from harm's way
"Rest with me amid
Short grass and mud"
I thought I should say
Then, these days,
Their days,
Have number, too
So I stood quietly by,
Lived their joy
As they hopped and flew
'Till speeder's wake,
A blind, uncaring rake,
Swept them all away
Nov 2009 · 731
When Faith Shook
Robert Zanfad Nov 2009
Did I care then, were they
Real, those stories
About some other
I talked about,
Though hardly knew.
Saying aloud
"What a shame,
She was so young,"
Shook head
No feeling, really,
A window shopper.
Was it wife or mother
Touched, too, who
Finally made real
Life-choking fear,
Overwhelming dread of
Deathly growth
That was of them.
Proclaiming love through tears,
I cried all the long ride
To claim she that bore me
While at home new bride,
Yesterday learning
Sleep amidst my snores,
Burned, cold poison
Now swimming
In bruised veins
Free spirit aging
Before my eyes
All life lost childish gloss,
The delightful lightness
Youth should be allowed,
And I cursed God
How dare You, we were so young.
Nov 2009 · 902
A Poet's Inspiration
Robert Zanfad Nov 2009
Psychotic break stole
Sound mind with a dream
Escaped from the hole
Left by heart's loss.
Paste and paper seams
Meant to give gloss
To facades distressed
Unravel in time
And a life, no less,
Is bound to come loose
When built on old lies.
Lost to reality
In a new delusion
I watched a poor fool,
Arms flapping wildly
Certain they were afire
Set to flame by the embers
Of that brazier
Lit a life time ago,
Left hidden in past
Still aglow,
Time's slow drip
Yet unable
To put the coals to rest.
From poets,
Madman learns,
Salving fresh burns
With quenching words,
Delighting in their
Cooling flow,
A newfound remedy
For a primal malady.
Babbling in swatches,
Speaking of things
That aren't there
But maybe were.
Then lighting more matches,
Lest the glow extinguish
Its delirious illusions
Ease smoldering anguish,
But leave the room too cold
Nov 2009 · 823
Monster's Bawl
Robert Zanfad Nov 2009
I AM a monster.
The boy dropped
At my feet
My first thought -
"Could have been me
Who got popped"
I am a monster,
Left him there
At the foot of the stair
Out the side door
To the car before
Cops blocked the drive
I am a monster
Never asked why
Or did he survive
Kept it all in
And smiled at dinner
"More mashed, dear?"
I am the monster
Who lived life in lies
Thinks of his own
Perfect, lovely son
Hides away and cries
It could have been him
Nov 2009 · 730
October Storm
Robert Zanfad Nov 2009
Storms still fly inside,
Dark nights haunt
Alight only in
October's looming moon.
Promises, expectations
Longings -
Long ago
The lies
Became my lives
Made real
By masks worn to hide
The holes left behind
What should have been.
Buoyed in desperate, pathetic
Hopes that some ethereal strand
Still exists to connect
Like timeless stars we see at night
Can forever link
One to a lover
Despite distance.
If you'd just look up,
See what I see, too
We could be one
Again, then.
Oct 2009 · 1.5k
Shiiva's Daughter
Robert Zanfad Oct 2009
Where the devil if not here
In the room with me.
Surprised
In the kitchen
I slide
The chef's knife
Far back on the counter
To hide
Lest she loose control lost
Again, else
Might become real, that image
Now swimming
In her own soup,
Of a chromium-vanadium blade
Gleaming, swinging
In glorious swoop
Home to this chest or head,
Imagining it dead,
Tainted crimson.
Not the first time
I could be a toreador
Fending off his bull
With nearby chair
To save flesh from the goring
Of its horns,
On the way to salvation
At the door.
Still, animal rage
Stands between instrument
And shields awaiting at table
As they are meant.
A lamb, I once used my hand
And it hurt
When steel first broke skin.
Tears weren't
First from pain, but shock
Life was so real and cruel.
Since then the whys
Have grown with our lives.
One or other medication
Will fail to stop the sensation.
Now, my life's exhaustion is
In pondering the question:
Can the coward present neck
As easy offering and end it,
Or continue cowardice,
Facing  the goddess
Conspired to destroy
What once was me.
Oct 2009 · 957
Affirmation
Robert Zanfad Oct 2009
A new year came born last night
Or an old one died
Worn and used, useless
Amidst champaign, påte and toasts.
This new day, new noon, new year
Black tie, fine clothes folded,
Noted a shirt stud lost
And must be replaced.
Before we part five stars
Rented the night
I would
Step outside for a cigarette -
No smoking inside, only cigars.
It's just the help who smoke
Paper wrapped scraps
Out back by the trash
And I wouldn't be welcome.
Lobby busy with guests
On their ways through
Doors held open to
Black labeled autos
Where the heeled reach hand
To men whose faces they avoid
Exchanging obligatory graft
Glad their craft returned.
January air stabs
Its frigid blade slicing
Nostrils, lungs in pain, cheek burns
Frost earns my mustache.
Finally past the bustle
Some steps to the side
Where my fix can be lit
"Hey, brother"
A voice, a wretch
Cold taken its toll, nasal exudate
Frozen in a lake on lip
He hopped from foot to foot
And I smelled him, vagabond
An assault to air already painful
Oh, to walk on, feign deafness!
But needy eyes held me
Refusing the cigarette offered
He just wanted to say
"Happy new year"
Know that he existed.
Brown eyes cried
That someone finally stopped
To listen.
Oct 2009 · 653
Reflections
Robert Zanfad Oct 2009
Face pressed against
Dimly lit glass,
The boy once glimpsed
Through and saw
The man.
Unkempt hair
Smooth chin,
Would one day
Hide behind
Gray beard,
Head still wild
Young child
Perched on a knee,
Perhaps.
The thought lingered
While time meandered,
And in my mirror
I see him again -
Plump cheeks,
Smooth-faced,
The child
Who played
With demons
Danced with angels
Kissed the lips of God.
Lost all his battles
Yet still stands
Not completely invalid.
Oct 2009 · 672
Release
Robert Zanfad Oct 2009
It was new
That thing
I had to do,
Planned months.
Then, tears didn't come
To ease old memories.
Not for lack of loss
Nor sadness.
The deadness, maybe,
Made smiles and crying
Seem child's pursuits.
At dawn, sun was drawn
Over rippled sea
No warm glow -
Harsh white across water
Sand scattered
Bared legs stood
Heads bowed
Silence
It was new to us
When we took the stage
Knee-deep in waves
Man and box of ash
Too empty to explain
The life's work.
It didn't seem fair
But it was
Opened.
Winds calmly noted
To protect company's
Sensitivity
Of backlash
From what they
Once loved.
I was surprised,
The speed
Contents joined
Salty currents,
Not lingering a last look.
Finally released
My body shook,
Her child.
Sep 2009 · 707
All Things Consist
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
The sword,
An object of beauty
While mildly
Set over mantle
Displayed, idle
And accepted
'Till smeared red in the deed
For which its creator deemed
For it.
We forget the perfect
Flame from which it was forged,
Cursing creation for our failure
To understand His purpose,
Faces stained with disdain
For what was His will.
Sep 2009 · 778
The Rain Came
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
fire's gone now

humid air relieved in wash of heaven
to cool aching asphalt
by the tree

steam rose

it looked like steam, but may be fog
and the branches hang low
with the load they still hold
from a broken sky

why rain rather than days forever
heavy, humid, expectant
pregnant with maybe
despite their misery?

I now wonder why
I wasted this perfect summer
worrying over weeds
that will never die,
sip death from another cigarette

they'll dance in my ashes someday
my treasures of memories
grown the arrogance of a fool

fire's gone now.
Sep 2009 · 2.1k
An Eleventh of September
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
This was my sand yesterday,
Hot and gritty,
Yet comforting, embracing
Under my towel.
Troves of precious shards of shell
Mapped into mind
With the jellyfish abandoned
By the tide
Just out of reach of cool waters
And a pool carved
With ramparts and towers,
An ambitious child's construction
Proudly pronounced eternal.
But we took pictures
To remember,
Anyway.

Now, after breakfast,
Into blue too perfect
This morning's sun rose
To a sky spilled
Cloudless and clear
Over new land
Reformed by night swells
Gulls and terns blown on,
Friends' footprints cleared,
The castle lost
By waves or wind's gusts.
It seems alien now.
My toes dig ever deeper
To discover if warmth
Is still here, hiding below
The surface of what I can see.

Morning's winds fling
Biting bits chipped
From far-off mountains
Cheek and legs sting
In force of anger born
Far offshore,
While the children nestle
My jacket for shelter
It can't give them today.
The tourists left - the sand is ours
To reshape, imprint with feet again.
And plan for tomorrow -
Umbrella, blanket, pails,
Embrace sea's eternal rhythm.
We'll stay.
Sep 2009 · 952
Just a Phone Call Away
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
I just needed to make a call
Check in with the office
**** pay phones never work
Stealing all my money
On dangerous street corners
Where wary faces
Suspiciously eye me
Before yielding some space
To another intruder

And I have to watch them too
Watch my back
My eyes to the side
That must be why
I didn't notice
Only wondered what made the
Plastic so sticky
Pressed up against my ear
A nosebleed sick smell

Those brown red spatters of
Ketchup a kid squirted
More there and there and
Down on the ground
A congealing pond
More ketchup, I'm standing in it
Then I realize it's not ketchup
And I'm retching like I'll *****
Tell the office I gotta hang up

Tight chest begins refusing
Sin's air it will not breath in
I'm loosing fast
The mask
The street face I put on
Clenched jaw, tight lips
Drowning man claws to surface
For the safety of composure

The faces, they're still watching
They knew what I do now
My grimy hand disgusts me
Like a rotten stinking fish
And I don't want to put it
Back into my pocket
To find that ****** car key
But they own this corner,
I just needed to make a call
Sep 2009 · 725
War of Words
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
I gave you the steel -
Hopes, thoughts, fears,
Reforged,
Honed to jagged spears,
Turned against the flesh
From which they were wrought.
But blood won't flow
From the piercings
Anymore.
The corpse, complaisant, yields
From a lifetime of wounds.
Those razor-edged words
Drained joy
Like the ******
Of a shattered wine glass
Once cut painful and red-
Nails pressed through skin -
We veiled those marks
From family and friends
While I learned to hide
Behind vacant eyes,
Mute lips,
Mind dreaming of water
Running from oily feathers
Off a duck
Imagining words were rain
And ears coated with
The magic stuff
That would shed the pain
If only I believed hard enough.
Tomorrow
I could find another smile,
Know
The world hadn't really changed
Much,
Find new words to alter
Anger to love.
How did psyche falter -
Those few unshed drops
In incidental increments or
By catastrophe,
A failure like a levee
Rupturing, leaving land awash -
Doesn't really matter.
Frame now basks in your cascade,
Absorbing and accepting,
Soul long lost now wandering
Wondering when will body follow,
Missing the mate with whom to share
That steel from which love
Should be made.
Copyright 2008 Robert Zanfad
Sep 2009 · 813
Fallen Leaves
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
Collected, raked to piles
Browned leaves, each a memory
Of a summer's sun-drenched day.
Now even most pious prayer
Unable to revive once emerald glory.

Birds that danced and sung among
The shady canopy
Have moved on, and I wonder
If they still remember
These leaves they once claimed.

Or have fresh foliage, warmer days
Resplendent sweet fruits to savor
Washed them clean again  
To bear from here no more mark
Than a season's passing?

Left to rest where it has fallen
The mass will choke the grass beneath.
So, having paused to recall past splendor,
Bent back resumes Autumn's labor  -
Collect and rake to piles.
Sep 2009 · 741
Mom
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
Mom
I started a poem to ease the grief
Of my mother's passing,
But couldn't get it right,
So quit for awhile.
Some things just are.
Pompous words didn't fill
The voids or voice loss.
I flew to, cavalry to rally
The Life in balance,
Grasping at wisps,
Woven hopes of sky
When she knew her purpose
Will of steel, and tired still
Of the battle
And I surrendered.
Don't know if I'll ever forget her smile
From the hospital bed
When last we said
"Good night, sleep tight...
Don't let the bed bugs bite"
Just like when I was a child
Tucked in for the night
And I remember my tears
When I turned out the light,
Said "Goodbye,
Be sweet, Mom."
Sep 2009 · 675
Dancing
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
Back to the closet to await another year
The black lapel of my jacket
Sparkled with lost glitter
From a little girl's ball gown
A thousand stars in a night sky
I'll not brush them off
Just yet
So to remember tomorrow
Joy in the eyes of my little angel
And that I was a prince once
Sep 2009 · 663
Forgotten Photograph
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
This finger still remembers
The path it once traced
Upon that brow
Memories of a face
Long ago stifled,
The dead body
Buried deep
Yet years' muck,
Accumulated debts
And life's debris
Washed away in a dream
I forgot to forget
When morning's light
Seeped through the blind
A mind now haunted by
The lovely ghost
Of the face I see in a photo
The smile, sweet smelling hair, now
As vivid as the day we first
Danced
Sep 2009 · 2.2k
Honeysuckle
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
Honeysuckle infused those summer nights
Painfully sweet perfume that dulled thoughts
Like narcotic-fueled fantasies
Replacing will with complaisance
While children plucked the soft posies
Eagerly ******* their sweetness like free candies

All season long tendrils encircled and wound
Around each bush in a push from ground,
Thieves stealing away life-giving sun
Choking old life from the garden
Unnoticed, leaf by leaf perishing, dropping
'Til shrub and tree stood each a lifeless scaffold
Sep 2009 · 731
Night Comes
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
When night came to end this day
The heat of noon's sun
Still warmed the stoop,
Squeals of children at play
Silenced before blue glowing tube.
A mind's check list of chores done

Recalled the nagging ones left
While a moth dancing in the light
Cast a shadow on the wall
A display that would cost his life
Still, braved heat with dogged will
'Till overcome, dropped from sight

Burned in another flame
Thoughts of love long away
Days dancing a lone waltz
Man and moth flit the same
Now sit and await the stars
When night comes to end this day
Sep 2009 · 737
Night Air
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
Spring brought this burst of life
Its colors now unseen at night
Blossoms, now shadows
Play symphonies of fragrance
That recall the morning
Robbing the moment with musing
Of beauty known earlier
When light danced here

The mind, for a moment, lost aim
Fooled by exciting air
To expect a return of day
Safely brought to reality
By an orange glow,
Inhaled curls of dulling smoke
Night has work to do
Still more tomorrow...
Sep 2009 · 700
Falls Bridge
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
Lacy steel over black water -
A boy once wondered
If it was a way over
Or a step closer
To soul-lulling sleeping

A launch to lose
Wrenching torments within
A rain-swelled flow of
Dark currents to wash
When other remedies had failed

But warm water laughed
She rushed through open skin
Easing weeping wounds
And, leaving scars for tomorrows,
Returned the repaired to surface

To see the dim haze of street lights
And maybe the moon in fog again,
To fight to find a handhold
Up over the steep bank
Soggy shoes spoke
All the way
Home
Sep 2009 · 854
Summer Waltz
Robert Zanfad Sep 2009
In the garden we danced,
My eyes and the butterfly,
Singing among the colors
Grace alive, a laugh
Kissing sun draped blooms


Too soon came the chill of fall
When wind-flung loose withered leaves
Mimicked the movement
They'd eyed in envy
The butterfly now gone.


Winter brought its ballet
In showering flakes of snow
When frigid ground braced against
Swirling pirouettes
Of beauty in ice


I hurry past my garden
With no time to linger by
Only in dreams still see
The butterfly dance
Her gentle waltz of summer

— The End —