Five vials of hope before 2:55,
An epinephrine Saturday feast
After midday, preventing time to arrive
Again, to stall the curse at least.

The single drop of tear tells it all,
I guess I've seen it coming.
And it did, but very stealthily, the fall
Disguised in serene eyes staring.

Broken voices of 2:55 and hence
A glass of water, a pat on the shoulder,
Paper works, the waiting, querying the sense
Reduced to an atheist's prayer.

The chaos ceased, all quiet on the front.
The war is lost; not a dream did survive.
Life is a poem that is so blunt,
All gone, after midday at 2:55.

Here I am, at this certain dim side,
At the side of the door, not looking at it anymore
But I am waiting now for reality to decide
Time is fate, fate is time and nothing more.
I could hear them reminding, falling numbers,
I sigh, a quick glimpse, their determined eyes,
Doing all they could within their powers
And here I am by the door, knowing  life always lies.
Everything is temporary, all trying to survive,
By the door I saw them, relieved, for the life they were able to revive
Walking away from their routine, to the known--
The inevitable they would try to postpone.
And yet, in that moment of quiet triumph,
Their faces whispered something unspoken,
A fragile hope, a fleeting joy amid the storm—
Life, though borrowed, was no less precious or broken.

These are the most deafening hours
The vision of your smile and glances
Grace the silence of the time that is not ours
Oh, love, why so cruel with my chances?
Long dark days are ahead, you are a ghost
You sweetly haunt me in your abscence
You are everything, my ever most, and I am lost
In dreams and sorrow, in pain's quintessence,
Each moment without you drowns my existence.
For pain's purest form is not sharp but still,
A quiet yearning, bending all to its will.
If fate should guide my path to you once more,
In kindness, show your smiles as once before.

Mar. 12,2025/Some Velvet Briars

Darkness, a clasping press around a heart,
The surreal motions of city life in the rain
Slowly drifting, defenseless as I tear apart
Bothered nonchalance, letting in the pain.

A papercup of coffee, a vice for conteplation
Amidst the pristine smiles which is yet to conceive
The fleeting awareness of the threat of preparation,
Sooner, at least once, one finds a way to leave.

Nothingness is a kind of gift too,
But it can also be cruelly taken away
Everything is true when nothing is true
For those sighs that hurry up to end the day.

Drifting in guardless cautiousness,
Hoping amidst the dire hopelessness.

Dec.17, 2024

Outside, there's a sunset and sea waiting,
A wind howling beyond the sliding door,
Down the lobby, a long road paving,
Like a gray carpet, the way to the shore.
Stairs of sigh, every step creaking
Heavy footfalls a sigh of the breaking feet
Welcome to the messy room waiting,
Yawning pillow lies on crumpled sheet.

A soul engulfed by a scent left on the bed
A heart embraced by a blanket of dream dying
A long midnight, a battery in the head,
Outside, the sunset and sea are waiting.

Jan. 2, 2025

Between the window grills, the dark horizon in full bloom,
I still think of you despite my hopeless worries
Distant lights behind the silhouettes of trees,
A faint call, a twinkling gloom,

From the window, the little light traces
The rusty roof, the crawling decay
Facing these sad, empty places
I think of you night and day.

I think of you, knowing you're joy at this moment,
My sorrow that you do not know is not a reproach
It is not unfairness; it is not a torment,
Thoughts of you that always find a way to approach.

I think of you, and my mind blends with the wind of the cosmos,
Dreaming the two of us were meant to be together forever
Unlike the definites that make life pause,
A curse a man was born as if he was never.

The sky expands in gloom; a lone star shines through
Behind the drizzle that paints the dawn
I want you to know that I think of you
In the remaining moments that fate has drawn.

Jan.4, 2025

The same as the room of oblivion, Inconspicuously, this time in a chair, On the joyride of soul's decapitation,
A meeting with the league of despair.

Where coffee flows like a river,
A guaranteed freedom to quiver, While walking on the caffeine sky, Diane, Kate, and Ella must be there, Laughing as I painfully die,
On a flutter of damnation.

Panic in the street, pandemonium in my soul,
They move in united front, while I stand whole.
Panic in the street of liberty,
Left to be free, amidst my misery.

The horizon, the skyline behind buildings, uniting with the sea,
A dream—I see her face, she's waving, her hand,
That I once held and kissed, now so far from me,
A reverie only I could understand.

Alone in this chair, amid the turbulence, beyond the window,
I saw her smiling there,
Yet I have not decayed in sorrow.

With a dying sigh, I return to the street,
The ebbing roar of my heart.
Oh heaven, Of promise, perhaps up there we shall meet,
But first, listen to the breaking song in my heart.

Jan.2, 2025

My hair on the wind does flow, Oblivion, like death, can be a home, When there is nowhere to go,
But to remain in a borderless roam.

Amid twinkling neon lights, cars hurrying home,
To catch the last breath of the dying year,
And watch it pass by beneath the dark empty dome.

The countdown begins, the year has died,
Amid the cheers, I am dying, dying, Amid the labor, my heart has cried, My soul is listlessly flying... flying, While inside my pocket, a hope is burning.

January 1,2025

Cigarette in hand, hood overhead, Morning breaks in pain and dread.
A few more hours before my bed, Silent heart, helplessly bled.
Hurrying the day, wishing it away, Always the giver, nothing to convey.

I remain because no one stays, Trading Mondays for black Sundays. Their eyes on me when I’m alone, Wishing they'd come for coffee unknown.
Maybe it’s me, reasons unshown, Black Sunday forever my own.

My shattered soul, always concealed, Lurking in black Sunday’s rain revealed.
Behind a smile, sins undisclosed,
A pain that never feels composed.

Dec. 30, 2024

There they are and there is me, here,
I can bear it, my silence amid the voices,
An ocean, deep and clear, the waves I steer
Away from the shore; my heart closes
In indifference, I rather disappear
In my solitude, lost in quietude, then glance
At the dead dreams that still look beautiful
In its immutable nonchalance,
I love my heart for being sorrowful!

This is how I smile!
Sweet Death, a while.

12-28-2024

The thorny path to local Eden,
The rosy way to San Jose, gone
A clunking jeepney to heaven
A cloud drifting over hell, undone.

Outside, next to the door, a garbage can
Waiting for the baggages to be disposed
They are too much to be carried by a man
So with them my heart is enclosed

I looked at that old smile in the bin
I smiled back and looked at the sky
Eden's voice rise above the din
The road to San Jose--longing to die.

Dec. 30, 2024

Travelling amidst the chaos of mind, Amidst the clawing pain that crushes my heart,
The impossibility of hope to find, Reasons that are shattered apart. Amidst cyclical sorrow of being a being
In the concrete jungle of blunt reality, There is you, a tender pain in every beating,
And my harrowed face reflecting misery
On a device that makes my soul free.

So like a joker by the window
Of a box that rolls forward,
Amidst everything and you and my throe,
The senseless colors of the world ******.

Feb. 26, 2025

Beneath the starless sky,
In the cruel coldness of the breeze, Echoes of the sea's dying sigh,
You envelop me, a constant ease. Darkness follows a heart suppressed, Yet you're the kindest, you're the truest.

Beneath the sky of shattered dreams, Drifting clouds carry your smile,
Amid fevered thoughts, my mind screams,
Your name, we were fragile for a while. You tried to stay, doing what's best,
You're the kindest, you're the truest.

The road, so long and endless,
With lush fields on either side, Engulfed by eternal emptiness,
You heal, but I’m lost in this ride.
In darkness, astray, I ask why,
You're the kindest, truest, and I made you cry.

Reflections from the Hospital Room: March 4, 2025"

Those screams next door, a haunting cry;
A fading ember flashing, ripping
The wide, dark, starless sky,
Until there is ****** nothing.

If I may, if I might, this old, foul rain,
I wish you would pour fast on me.
Ticking silence, sighs, hope in pain,
Please violate me... Oh, please see.

Whirring machines, tubes like snake
Crawling amidst the Lysol serenity
Broken biscuits, juice cans to shake,
Please violate me... Oh, please see.



RSV, Jan 2, 2025

There's a man by the window; he peeks
The window,  like jail's iron bars
Outside the man-made lights, not the ones he seeks
But up above the night sky, no stars.

Outside, silhoutte of roofs and trees
Inside, a shumai with shrimp paste
Outside, the South China sea breeze
Inside, a soda bottle to blacken a face.

Inside, the hope flows in the see-through line
Outside, a man on a rolling bed passed by.
Inside, a wish drowning in a brine
Outside, a blowing smoke concealed a sigh.

There's a man by the window; he peeks
Behind him, the soft light of the white room
Outside, they saw something on his cheeks,
And the room burns, afire with gloom.

Jan.2,2025
RSV

All in a minute,in just a minute
When all that seemed infinite
Through Time ordained strife
Turned into pieces of life.
There must be a day after tomorrow
For both of us to go,
And both of us now can go
To the next day of tears
Which will start the coming years
That no one can ever know.
Go now,go,please go
I'll be going too
To face the first tomorrow
Where you will have no part
Save for the beating of my heart!


July 20,2013