Cigarette in hand, hood overhead, Morning breaks in pain and dread.
A few more hours before my bed, Silent heart, helplessly bled.
Hurrying the day, wishing it away, Always the giver, nothing to convey.

I remain because no one stays, Trading Mondays for black Sundays. Their eyes on me when I’m alone, Wishing they'd come for coffee unknown.
Maybe it’s me, reasons unshown, Black Sunday forever my own.

My shattered soul, always concealed, Lurking in black Sunday’s rain revealed.
Behind a smile, sins undisclosed,
A pain that never feels composed.

Dec. 30, 2024

There they are and there is me, here,
I can bear it, my silence amid the voices,
An ocean, deep and clear, the waves I steer
Away from the shore; my heart closes
In indifference, I rather disappear
In my solitude, lost in quietude, then glance
At the dead dreams that still look beautiful
In its immutable nonchalance,
I love my heart for being sorrowful!

This is how I smile!
Sweet Death, a while.

12-28-2024

The thorny path to local Eden,
The rosy way to San Jose, gone
A clunking jeepney to heaven
A cloud drifting over hell, undone.

Outside, next to the door, a garbage can
Waiting for the baggages to be disposed
They are too much to be carried by a man
So with them my heart is enclosed

I looked at that old smile in the bin
I smiled back and looked at the sky
Eden's voice rise above the din
The road to San Jose--longing to die.

Dec. 30, 2024

Travelling amidst the chaos of mind, Amidst the clawing pain that crushes my heart,
The impossibility of hope to find, Reasons that are shattered apart. Amidst cyclical sorrow of being a being
In the concrete jungle of blunt reality, There is you, a tender pain in every beating,
And my harrowed face reflecting misery
On a device that makes my soul free.

So like a joker by the window
Of a box that rolls forward,
Amidst everything and you and my throe,
The senseless colors of the world ******.

Feb. 26, 2025

Beneath the starless sky,
In the cruel coldness of the breeze, Echoes of the sea's dying sigh,
You envelop me, a constant ease. Darkness follows a heart suppressed, Yet you're the kindest, you're the truest.

Beneath the sky of shattered dreams, Drifting clouds carry your smile,
Amid fevered thoughts, my mind screams,
Your name, we were fragile for a while. You tried to stay, doing what's best,
You're the kindest, you're the truest.

The road, so long and endless,
With lush fields on either side, Engulfed by eternal emptiness,
You heal, but I’m lost in this ride.
In darkness, astray, I ask why,
You're the kindest, truest, and I made you cry.

Reflections from the Hospital Room: March 4, 2025"

Those screams next door, a haunting cry;
A fading ember flashing, ripping
The wide, dark, starless sky,
Until there is ****** nothing.

If I may, if I might, this old, foul rain,
I wish you would pour fast on me.
Ticking silence, sighs, hope in pain,
Please violate me... Oh, please see.

Whirring machines, tubes like snake
Crawling amidst the Lysol serenity
Broken biscuits, juice cans to shake,
Please violate me... Oh, please see.



RSV, Jan 2, 2025