eyes that froze me completely still while I spun and danced in space.
I needed to know what lay behind those eyes
what deep beautiful cave, with dangerous, inviting waters.
infinitely deep, infinitely wide
I skimmed my fingers across that stream, longing with everything inside me to dive deep into the glimmering silver surface

He took my hand and we danced.
My feet left the ground, i was soaring
we became one wisp of wind- twirling effortlessly through the air, above all else, leaving behind the crowd.... undoubtedly staring as we changed colors: pink, orange, yellow, blue.. colors nobody had ever see before, colors that could never be recreated again

we painted a beautiful water color of a sunset and left it for the others to watch as it blazed brightly in the sky.

I love you, I love you! I wanted to shout!  
Till our feet touched the ground once more and I remembered where we were, and who we were supposed to be.

Out through his window,
Woosh through his little town,
crash through the forrest,
dance across the river,
dive into the ocean,
up the highest mountain,
burst through the clouds,
jump off the tip,
and soaring, flipping, bounding into the sky
he went not long ago

His shackles unchained,
he wasted no time zooming out of here

He did what he came to do,
now he was free-
free to jump and spin and dance and twirl and somersault
in all kinds of amazing shades of blues and yellows

I'll never forget watching him go,
feeling his overwhelming joy,
and my overwhelming grief
come cascading down on me all at once.

All at once the sky became amazingly bluer and brighter,
and my world grew cold as it began to rain.

Cut in a perfect circle,
right in the middle of my chest,
this gaping hole

Wind rushes through, icing it over,
Rain drips down and mold starts to grow,
Sun burns right through, singing the edges.

A constant reminder,
every laugh, every tear,
every sunrise and set.
It will always be there,
as much a part of me as what is missing.

Nothing can fill it,
not love or drugs
travel or fun
no amount of alcohol.

But if given the choice,
I would never mend it,

Because it means that I once had something so spectacular to lose.

how easily we forget
the night we lay in the wet grass, clinging to each other for warmth
  the day on the river, sun fooling our eyes
   singing together like stupid fools
    your warm arms enveloping your entire world
   sitting in front of a computer screen, afraid of the dark, wishing for something that didn't exist
  the phone calls that always said the same thing, nothing.
the jealousy and the lies, the confusion
the day you said you didn't love me- through a cold screen
how i lay alone
how i hated myself

it's funny, how easy we forget.

I've seen the face of God,
and I'm no religious girl.

I've hugged him tight and kissed him hard,
we threw back a few beers in my backyard.

I've yelled at him and watched him cry,
held his hand as I watched him die.

We went camping and hiked so far,
I made love to him in the secret dark.

I've tossed him up high in the air
and tickled him as he pulled my hair.

He's comforted me while I was sick,
and knows all of my stupid ticks.

We laid together and looked at the stars,
and wondered foolishly where we are.

I sat with him near his wood burning stove,
as he told me stories of the days of old.

I cried with him as we said goodbye,
then fell asleep to his lullaby.

I've held his face
and looked in his eyes
He's not in heaven
hes not in the skies.

I've seen the face of God,
I don't even go to mass.
Some things you must simply see,
and no priest can teach you that.

To be at peace
is to consider the whole world,
and feel that you're exactly where you need to be.

To stop searching for somebody,
and instead start waiting for them

To acknowledge the sadness in your heart,
and accept it as a part of you

To hear a crazy woman talk,
and listen carefully to her words

To look at a man who robbed you
and feel only love.

To see a wandering pigeon,
and toss it a piece of bread

To listen to a friend in distress,
and not say a single word

To look into the sky,
and feel confident that there's something out there

To look down at your feet,
and feel like you're a part of something

To look at your hands,
and know that you are doing something

and to know you have somebody in your life
you need to live for,
but only wanting to live for yourself.