we haven't loved for a year..
staring at my screen as I give in
I hit the glaring follow button
as I wonder how bad of an idea this will be
tomorrow
I see you're wearing my old flannel
I miss you.

its 2am
and
all I really want is to be in Portland rain with a joint
and
soup
and
something that will make me fall asleep
and
a back rub.

its 2am
and
you're sleeping next to me
and
im wide awake
and
i cant figure out if i love you or not

and
its ok

Yo no se que habla para mi clase;
I don't even know if that's Spanish
[At this point though..
I'm not sure what's English or Spanish..]
My mind is so far away
It's like a receipt of something I shoudn't have bought
Flying out my window
And I reach because I should care
But I just don't
Why does school require classes
speech
history
science;things I don't care for
Then I realized
in midst of mid work chaos,
I am.
learning how to care for things I don't care for.
My room smells like:
mario party in the background
warm October air [that should actually be very cold]
maryj [on my very comfortable t shirt.]
global warming
Because of things like my receipt
The feelings..
of things like my brain
[Please care for things that you don't care for; in years natural selection will do away with our ability to think
seeing as we never use it... we will become
; stressed out mindless human beings in a sea of warm water to lazy to swim.

"That's a good place,
Nobody bothers you there!"
Says the middle aged woman passing by as I sit secluded on a bench
Listening to the construction
Studying for a test using flash cards
I found on an online study sharing website
The irony is the kid who created them
Dates a boy I once kissed
The irony is she has bothered me
The irony of life is becoming too much
The irony is this morning as I left my house, I put 75 cents in my pocket
Not knowing why
I asked the man how much each scantron cost
A strange feeling came across me when he replied "21 cents", and I remembered the 3 quarters somewhere in my pocket.
Maybe I do have it all planned out
The ironic part, I wasn't planning this.

i wanted to tell you the truth
\
i don't think
i want the truth
so
nevermind, i'll lie
i love you