A nightmare makes you toss and turn
You are the real cause for my concern
A nightmare is lies built in your head
You are what makes me hang on by a thread
A nightmare follows you till your last breath
You make me long for death
A nightmare is a game for which you can lose
You are continuous pain and abuse
From a nightmare, you wake
You are a neverending nightmare

Stuck, trapped between the two doors that make up my world
Just a small crack that allows me to be myself
All my life stocked up one shelf
Isolated from everyone
Separated by my one difference
Looked down upon by society
But who I am shouldn’t be there priority
Playing pretend is my favorite game
For that is my life
A game of pretend
Trapped in a body that is not my own
Forced to hide who I really am
The crack between the door widens
The light floods in
For the first time
I see me
The real me

I remember seeing you for the first time
Sitting behind you in class
Laughing with you until the teacher moved me across the classroom
I remember the first time we had lunch together
Sitting on the grass eating in the sun
Enjoying each others company until the bell rang
I remember the first time I went to your house
We played your piano and I played all the wrong notes
I remember going on our first school trip together
We bunked on the same bunk beds
You had the top I had the bottom
I remember all the firsts
But you seem to have forgotten
Because now I remember the first time you left me
I remember the last time we talked on the phone
Staying up late and laughing about inside jokes
I remember the last sleepover we had
We slept in a tent  and swam in the dark
I remember the last time we sat in class together
Annoying the teacher with how much we talked
Now you're having all your firsts with someone else
Now you have inside jokes I will never be able to laugh at with you
Now I am stuck with all our firsts and all our lasts

I wish to be the person that's always there for you
But I am constantly afraid you will go out and find someone new
I wish to be the one that makes your smile grow wide
But I am too afraid what I said will be why you cried
I wish to be with you at all your highs and lows
But every time I am with you I don’t know what words to compose
I wish to be enough for you
But I feel you see me from a different view
I wish…
I wish…
I wish…
Every time I wish, I don’t come any closer
To showing that I am the one who really knows her
But through all the drama, through all the doubt
I know you will always be my correct route
No more wishing on a star
Because who I need is not afar
You, I see but from a distance
Are the only reason for my existence

Silence marks the second
Silence marks the minute
Silence marks the hour
Silence is the marker for which we look upon
For when all is silent
When all is still
We find the peace we had been waiting till
The peace within
The peace without
It forms itself into a work of art
It entangles itself within our hearts
The silence in its unique ways
Is all that fills the neverending days

I said the words without a second thought
Not realizing these comments made you distraught
Everything I say chips away at you slowly
Eventually, you will leave just like the others leaving me once again lonely

I see the world
But I don’t feel it
It passes me by as I sit
Watching without an opinion
Just a spec within 7 billion
Without waiting for me to catch my breath
All I can wait for is my foreseeable death
I try to grab on to memories and moments as I go
But they don’t want me to stick around for the show
The numbness of the life I live settling in
I give up knowing I will never win
A game rigged against you
Something you will never make it through
The blood pools around me
The world disappears and black is all I see
Game over

My heart shattered to a million pieces
As my happiness decreases
Struck to the core
Unable to take it anymore
My heart ceases to pound
All the words we’ve ever said surround
The tears start to fall
But I don’t feel them as my world grows small
My mind goes numb
Not able to see what I have become
All the effort I put into all the years
But I guess that's what love is
right?

I lay in my bed and ponder
My mind starting to wander
Looking up at the ceiling
Trying to understand everything I’m feeling
All my thoughts cloud together
The dark thoughts making me feel I will never get better
I feel the tears trickle down my cheeks
But I haven’t felt as I used to in weeks
Everything changed so suddenly
I try to hide my emotions subtly
Weakened by all the intrusive thoughts
Trying to convince myself they are false
I cry in bed every night
Putting up an emotional fight
Sometimes I lose and fall
My world becoming all so small
Eventually, I find some peace
Drifting off to sleep, the thoughts decrease
But the process just repeats
The next night I am once again lost amongst the sheets
I do not know if I will ever be the same again
As the innocent child, I was then

It was simple
Life was simple
The world was simple
Not a worry strung about me
I was free
But it is no longer simple
Life is no longer simple
The world is no longer simple
I have worries
I have tragedies
You can’t see me beneath them all
Trapped beneath the weight on my shoulder
Burdened by everyone and everything
I am no longer free
I am not longer who I used to be