I need to run my fingertips through your feathery hair.
I need to caress your jawline and notice it's chiseled features.
I need to look into your eyes and see them screaming "I love you"
I need to kiss your soft lips and feel my   heart race once again.
I need to lay my head on your chest and hear the lullaby your heart allows.
I need to hear your lips speak quietly once again, and hear the laugh of your voice.
I need to entwine my fingers with yours and squeeze to know you're really there.
I need to trace your skin and feel it's smooth lines
I need you more and more everyday.
I need you,
but you don't seem to need me that much anymore.

where are you hiding?
did the wind sweep you away with the leaves?
did the rain wash you away with the mud?
why are you hiding?
to get away from the pain you feel?
to forget the sweet songs we once sang?
how are you hiding?
is she hiding with you and keeping you company?
is she helping you forget by singing a new song?
when will you return?
when you realize her song is not as sweet as ours?
when you want to remember again?
will you hide forever?
what if she leaves you, will you still hide?
will you ever remember the good?
who is hiding with you?
I'm sure not the leaves.
I'm sure not the mud.
what can I do to take you out of hiding?
can I hold your hand like I once did?
can I whisper sweet nothings into your ear to make you smile?

I know where you're hiding.
you are hiding within yourself.
I know why you are hiding.
you are hiding to ease the pain.
I know how you are hiding.
you are hiding easily because she holds you when it hurts.
I know when you will return.
you won't.
I know if you will hide forever.
you will, as long as she stays.
I know who is hiding with you.
the girl with the blue eyes.
I know what I can do to take you out of hiding.
nothing.
nothing.
nothing except maybe hide too.
then maybe you'll ask yourself all the same questions I asked myself.
but I won't be there to answer them anymore.

On Monday, November 14th
She wore her favorite dress.
Blue with grace.
Lace that covered her shoulders.
Lace that teased all the men that walked by.
Falling to her knees.
Barely brushing the scabs and scars that sat there.
Hugging her hips like the night hugs the moon.

On Monday, November 14th
She smiled.
Cherry lipgloss smeared quickly across her thin lips.
White teeth peaking out.
Her lips perfectly outlined.
The corners tucked up beautifully.

On Monday, November 14th,
She stood.
Pride in her perfect posture.
Proud of her lean body.
Her body perfectly aligned.
Not a flaw.

On Monday, November 14th
Her arms were pale.
A gold bracelet hugged her wrist.
You could see each blue stream, happily working.
Dusted with freckles.
Soft and pure.



On Tuesday, November 15th
She did not wear her favorite dress.
She wore a different one.
Black with sorrow.
No lace.
Falling to her ankles.
Encasing scabbed knees.
Hugging her in all the wrong places.

On Tuesday, November 15th
She frowned.
Blood red lipstick stained her thin lips.
Her teeth hid inside her blooded lips.
The corners fell, drooped.

On Tuesday, November 15th,
She sat.
Too exhausted to stand.
She let go of her posture.
She was cautious of her appearance.
Aware of her flaws.

On Tuesday, November 15th,
Her arms were whiter than before.
Each vein slashed.
Red.
The gold bracelet still hung there.
Her freckles throbbed with pain.
No longer soft, or pure.

On Tuesday, November 15th
He died.
Early in the morning.
With him, he took her strength, her smile, her pride.
He left her bare.

On Wednesday, November 16th
She missed him.
She missed him a little too much.
Her heart couldn't take it.
Her eyes red and swollen.
She was there, but gone.

On Thursday, November 17th
She joined him, quietly.

Sometime life seems too busy.
We run and run and run and run.
There is no time to stop for a while and smell the roses.
It gets to a point where we are mentally exhausted.
A point where all we want to do is lay down in a green peaceful valley or lay down in a quiet snow storm.
Where life doesn't seem worth living because you never took the time to stop and smell the roses.
We take the little things for granted.
It's not our faults, really.
It's human nature and society that makes us go go go.
But when we finally get the chance to stop and smell the roses, we realize life is so much more than go go go.
Life is smelling the roses.
Life is seeing the veins in each individual petal.
Life is noticing the the points on each thorn.
Life is
Life is
Life is

Hot sun
Rough waves
Salty air
Crying gulls

My heart is heavy for you, my dear.
As I lay on this towel, under the suns golden rays
I remember how you felt laying by my side.

By my side, my dear
Your skin smooth
Your pulse pumping
Your fingers tracing my skin

Isn't it strange, my dear?
How the sun felt not hot but warm when you were by my side.
How the waves seemed not rough, but gentle when your pulse pumped next to me.
How the salty air felt thin, not as thick, as you traced those silly hears on my skin.
How the gulls sang, instead of cried when your skin brushed mine.

All was calm, peaceful, right.

All is hectic, violent and wrong.

Come back to me my dear,
Stay by my side so the sun can be warm again.
Let me feel your pulse so the waves will be gentle.
Trace my skin, so the salty air no longer chokes me.
Brush against my skin, so the gulls will be happy, and sing once again.

And maybe this time, i'll sing too.

"Tell me gorgeous,"
He said with his finger under her soft chin
"What are you looking at?"
She looked at his face.
He could tell she wasn't seeing his face.
She knew she wasn't.
"Well,"
She started to say to stall him.
She knew what she was seeing.
She wasn't sure if she should tell him.
"Well,"
She said again.
"Yes gorgeous?"
He said patiently.
She thought about what she wanted to say.
i don't see you. I don't see you. I don't see your black hair. But his light brown ***** blonde hair. I don't see you. I don't see your brown eyes I once drooled over. I see his eyes. The maybe blue eyes that stole my  heart. I don't see your tan complexion but his reddened one. i see him. I don't see you and I never will again.
"Well,"
She said again.
He moved his hand to the back of her neck.
He stepped closer.
He stared into her eyes.
"Gorgeous tell me. Tell me please."
She closed her eyes.
And suddenly she felt his lips against hers.
She opened her eyes surprised.
She remembered the way his lips felt.
But she didn't want to remember.
She pulled away.
He looked hurt.
And suddenly
Real fast
Everything
Poured
Out
Of
Her
Normally
Silent
Mouth
"I don't see you when I look at you anymore. You know I don't. You can tell. You know you've hurt me a thousand times. You know you've pushed me down. You know you've left a scar so deep It will Never fade.
So why are you here? Calling me gorgeous? When you know you have no right to."
He looked even more hurt.
And suddenly very angry.
She knew he felt guilty.
She knew she was right.
He let go of her neck and raised a hand behind his head.
She looked at him her eyes widening and before she got the chance to run, his hand slapped hard against her cheek.
Slashing it open.
She lay on the warm grass.
Holding her face.
She looked up at him.
And now his emotion was scared.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
Tears fell softly onto the grass.
Soon she felt a hand on her shoulder.
She jumped ready to run.
"Shh it's just me,"
She saw the boy with the light brown ***** blonde hair. And the maybe blue eyes. And the reddish complexion.
She relaxed as he pulled her into his arms.
She smelt his sweet scent.
And let him dab the blood away.
"I'll always love you. You never have to worry. I'll always be here. You don't have to doubt it. I'll always protect you. You should always remember that"
She smiled and closed her eyes.
She heard the boy with the black hair stomp across the grass.
She heard a car door slam.
She heard an engine roar.
And then she heard wheels squeal.
And like that,
He was gone.
Gone.
Gone.
Gone.
And forever,
The boy with the maybe blue eyes,
Was here.
Here.
Here.
Here.

There's beauty in the little things.

I lay next to you.

And see the hair on your arm.

I see how it lightens in the summer.

I see how it stands when you get goosebumps.

And how it gets matted down when you sweat.

Sweat.

I see it beading on your face.

I can feel it.

wet on your back.

It comes when you are hot.

And it comes slowly beneath your heavy winter coat.

As you laugh with the snowflakes.

Laugh.

Your laugh is big and bright.

You laugh when something is funny.

You laugh at silly things.

It's your own language,

That comes from your heart.

Heart.

Your heart beats.

As if it were your own song.

It tells me you're living.

It beats fast.

I can feel it when you're pressed against me.

I could fall asleep to its thump every night.

Perfectly in tune with your breath.

Breath.

I can feel your  breath on my skin.

It tickles my neck.

And gives me a safe feeling.

Your breath looks like a dragons.

As you step out into the wide wintery world.

And your breath is hot as you laugh in the summertime sun.

And it is beautiful.

Just like you.

Just like us.

And as I notice all these little things
I notice something else.
I notice you are all I want.
All I want forever.
I want your
Thin arm hair
I want your
Sweat
I want your
Laugh
I want your
Heart
And I want your
Breath
I want all of you.
Now and forever.

And we will grow to be even more beautiful than the little things that keep me holding on.

You are my world. You are my sweat and my laugh and my heart and my breath. You are someone who makes me.
Makes me complete.
And you make me more and more complete with every breath, laugh, and heartbeat.

Someday it will stop.
Your heartbeat.
Your breath.
Your laugh.
Your sweat and arm hair.

And I pray
That I will be
Long gone
Before that day.
So I won't have to indulge
In the great pain I will feel
When losing you.
When losing my heart.
My laugh.
My sweat and breath.
When losing My little thing, that means everything.

She stepped onto the driveway of her old house
She remembered the summer night
They had laid there for hours
And counted 8 shooting stars

She stepped into the foyer of her old house
She remembered the day he took her to prom
And stood in an old tux in that exact spot.

She stepped into the dining room of her old house
She remembered the first time he had dinner with her family
And they had chicken and steamed broccoli

She stepped into the kitchen of her old house
She remembered the day they baked cookies for her sisters birthday
And he threw flour on her smiling face

She stepped into the morning room of her old house
She remembered the time they listened to music all day
And it was rainy, and they cuddled

She stepped into the family room of her old house
She remembered the time he played board games with her
And he let her win every time

She stepped into the laundry room of her old house
She remembered how she would stand there by herself
And wash her favorite blouse, just for him

She stepped onto the staircase of her old house
She remembered leading him up
And holding her breath

She stepped onto the landing of her old house
She remembered how he would hold her while they watched movies
And he would kiss her whenever she looked at him

She stepped into the bathroom of her old house
She remembered how she would stand there for hours
And make herself perfect for him

And finally she stepped into her old bedroom.
Too many memories filled her mind
And she laid where her bed used to be.
And she cried in that spot.
Like she had done millions of times before.

She stepped onto the porch of her new house
No perfect memories filled her mind
And she felt dead knowing he wasn't coming back to make new ones

Birth
Will never be as
Glorious
As your
Existence

Wind
Will never be as
Soft
As your
Whisper

Music
Will never be as
Beautiful
as your
Voice

Flowers
Will never be as
Delicate
As your
Love

Chocolate
Will never be as
Sweet
As your
Kisses

My mothers words
Will never be as
Soothing
As your
Touch

Dragonflies
Will never be as
Jittery
As the
Butterflies
You give me

Blankets
Will never be as
Comforting
As your
embrace

Stars
Will never be as
Bright
As your
Eyes

The moon
Will never be as
full
As your
Lips

Death
Will never be as
Painful
As Missing you

I want all of you
I want your messy morning hair
Your sleepy smiles
Your tired eyes
Your sloppy kisses
I want to wake up with your arms around me
I want to wake up warm from your body heat
I want all of you
I want your soft pajama pants
I want your smell on my linen sheets
Your hand in mine
Your soft touch
Your anxieties and tangled thoughts.
I want to get up with you
I want your toothpaste lips
I want to watch you while you pick out your clothes
I want to watch you as you get ready
I want all of you.
I want your scrambled eggs in my tummy
Your freshly squeezed orange juice on my table
Your hum in my kitchen while you cook
Your silly morning things
I want a whole bunch of magnetic poetry words on our fridge
I want to see the silly things you put together
I want to see all the lovey things you wrote
I want all of you
I want to curl up with you
I want to lay by the fire
I want to paint our minds on the walls
I want all of you
Your warm kisses
Your fingers
Your skin so smooth
I want your passion
Your skin running against mine
Your fingers roaming
Your lips tracing
Your mind yearning
Your heart racing
Your exaggerated breaths
I want to be with you
I want to do things and know your mine
I want you to tell me everyday how much you need me, in person
I want to lay with you and watch movies all day
I want to lay under warm blankets and drink cocoa
I want to feel you touch me
I want to feel our two souls becoming one, our hearts beating in rhythm
I want to go on adventures
I want all of you
Your curiosities
Your wonders
Your fascinations
Your skills
I want to discover every inch of you
I want to conquer amazing things with you.
I want to hold your hand every day while we drive
I want to kiss you in the rain while we stop to watch it fall
I want all of you
Your ways of making me smile
Your ways of comforting me
Your beautiful eyes and your beautiful words
I want to shop with you
Picking out our favorite foods
Dancing through the isles
I want all of you
The way you pick out soaps
The way you push the cart
The way you gently place sodas to keep them from fizzing
The way you hand the cashier money
The way you politely give her a smile and make small talk
I want to spend every second with you by my side.
I want all of you
I want the way you sing to music in the car
Your walks
Your jumps
Your skips
Your hops
I want to dance with you at random times
I want to know that you care about me
I want all of you
The way you stick up for me
The way you do what I want
The way you're always there.
I want to go home and catch you staring at me while I'm sitting in our chair reading
I want to feel you kiss me randomly
I want to feel you lean against me
I want to know that I'll never lose you.
I want all of you.
The way you look when your scared
Your nerves
Your happiness
Your shakes
Your ponders
I want to garden with you.
I want to rake and **** with you
I want to watch you work and wonder how you became mine
The way you tenderly water plants
The way you pull weeds right from the roots
I want all of you
Your ***** hands
Your sweaty pores
Your delicious produce
Your never ending breaths
Your sunburnt nose
I want all of you
I want to cook dinner with you
I want to sit outside listening to crickets while I watch you grill
I want to talk to you when you chop vegetables
I want to set the table for two
I want to light candles and turn on music
I want all of you
The way you tenderly mix foods
Your ways of buttering breads
The condensation on your water glass
Your fork clinking
Your way of  making me laugh
The way you talk about your day even if I was there
I want to clean up with you
Washing dishes with your hands on my hips
I want to wipe the table and look at you
I want you to be my encouragement
I want to go for a drive to the beach
I want to hold your hand as we watch the sunset
I want all of you
Your glistening eyes in the sun
Your breath as you talk closely to me
Your giggles
Your frustrations
I want to put my feet in the water and feel you follow me
I want to wave goodbye to the sun, knowing it wouldn't matter if it came back or not, because I'd have you.
I want to listen to seagulls with you
I want you to tell me stories
I want all of you
Your creativity
Your needs
Your wants
Your pleasures
I want you to build a sand castle with me when the orangey glow of the sun is still around.
I want to go get ice cream with you
I want all of you
Your ice cream on your face
Your napkin hands
Your chilly tongue
I want to go home and do laundry with you
I want your way of separating darks from lights
Your clothes intermixed with mine
Your socks
Your detergent
Your breaths as you pick up socks
The way your fingers seem to dance as you fold clothes
I want to fall asleep with you
I want to crawl into the same bed as you
I want to lay on your chest
I want you to play with my hair and sing me sweet words
I want you, all of you
Your heart beating in my ear
Your closeness
Your hands tracing my bare skin
I want to kiss you before falling asleep.
I want to know you're right there with me
I want to trace hearts on your skin
I want to share cold feet and fluffy feather blankets
I want all of you
Your dreams
Your snores
Your beautiful eyelids
Your limp muscles
Your head soft on my pillow
I want all of you.
I don't just want you, I need you.