I need to run my fingertips through your feathery hair.
I need to caress your jawline and notice it's chiseled features.
I need to look into your eyes and see them screaming "I love you"
I need to kiss your soft lips and feel my   heart race once again.
I need to lay my head on your chest and hear the lullaby your heart allows.
I need to hear your lips speak quietly once again, and hear the laugh of your voice.
I need to entwine my fingers with yours and squeeze to know you're really there.
I need to trace your skin and feel it's smooth lines
I need you more and more everyday.
I need you,
but you don't seem to need me that much anymore.

where are you hiding?
did the wind sweep you away with the leaves?
did the rain wash you away with the mud?
why are you hiding?
to get away from the pain you feel?
to forget the sweet songs we once sang?
how are you hiding?
is she hiding with you and keeping you company?
is she helping you forget by singing a new song?
when will you return?
when you realize her song is not as sweet as ours?
when you want to remember again?
will you hide forever?
what if she leaves you, will you still hide?
will you ever remember the good?
who is hiding with you?
I'm sure not the leaves.
I'm sure not the mud.
what can I do to take you out of hiding?
can I hold your hand like I once did?
can I whisper sweet nothings into your ear to make you smile?

I know where you're hiding.
you are hiding within yourself.
I know why you are hiding.
you are hiding to ease the pain.
I know how you are hiding.
you are hiding easily because she holds you when it hurts.
I know when you will return.
you won't.
I know if you will hide forever.
you will, as long as she stays.
I know who is hiding with you.
the girl with the blue eyes.
I know what I can do to take you out of hiding.
nothing.
nothing.
nothing except maybe hide too.
then maybe you'll ask yourself all the same questions I asked myself.
but I won't be there to answer them anymore.

On Monday, November 14th
She wore her favorite dress.
Blue with grace.
Lace that covered her shoulders.
Lace that teased all the men that walked by.
Falling to her knees.
Barely brushing the scabs and scars that sat there.
Hugging her hips like the night hugs the moon.

On Monday, November 14th
She smiled.
Cherry lipgloss smeared quickly across her thin lips.
White teeth peaking out.
Her lips perfectly outlined.
The corners tucked up beautifully.

On Monday, November 14th,
She stood.
Pride in her perfect posture.
Proud of her lean body.
Her body perfectly aligned.
Not a flaw.

On Monday, November 14th
Her arms were pale.
A gold bracelet hugged her wrist.
You could see each blue stream, happily working.
Dusted with freckles.
Soft and pure.



On Tuesday, November 15th
She did not wear her favorite dress.
She wore a different one.
Black with sorrow.
No lace.
Falling to her ankles.
Encasing scabbed knees.
Hugging her in all the wrong places.

On Tuesday, November 15th
She frowned.
Blood red lipstick stained her thin lips.
Her teeth hid inside her blooded lips.
The corners fell, drooped.

On Tuesday, November 15th,
She sat.
Too exhausted to stand.
She let go of her posture.
She was cautious of her appearance.
Aware of her flaws.

On Tuesday, November 15th,
Her arms were whiter than before.
Each vein slashed.
Red.
The gold bracelet still hung there.
Her freckles throbbed with pain.
No longer soft, or pure.

On Tuesday, November 15th
He died.
Early in the morning.
With him, he took her strength, her smile, her pride.
He left her bare.

On Wednesday, November 16th
She missed him.
She missed him a little too much.
Her heart couldn't take it.
Her eyes red and swollen.
She was there, but gone.

On Thursday, November 17th
She joined him, quietly.

Sometime life seems too busy.
We run and run and run and run.
There is no time to stop for a while and smell the roses.
It gets to a point where we are mentally exhausted.
A point where all we want to do is lay down in a green peaceful valley or lay down in a quiet snow storm.
Where life doesn't seem worth living because you never took the time to stop and smell the roses.
We take the little things for granted.
It's not our faults, really.
It's human nature and society that makes us go go go.
But when we finally get the chance to stop and smell the roses, we realize life is so much more than go go go.
Life is smelling the roses.
Life is seeing the veins in each individual petal.
Life is noticing the the points on each thorn.
Life is
Life is
Life is

Hot sun
Rough waves
Salty air
Crying gulls

My heart is heavy for you, my dear.
As I lay on this towel, under the suns golden rays
I remember how you felt laying by my side.

By my side, my dear
Your skin smooth
Your pulse pumping
Your fingers tracing my skin

Isn't it strange, my dear?
How the sun felt not hot but warm when you were by my side.
How the waves seemed not rough, but gentle when your pulse pumped next to me.
How the salty air felt thin, not as thick, as you traced those silly hears on my skin.
How the gulls sang, instead of cried when your skin brushed mine.

All was calm, peaceful, right.

All is hectic, violent and wrong.

Come back to me my dear,
Stay by my side so the sun can be warm again.
Let me feel your pulse so the waves will be gentle.
Trace my skin, so the salty air no longer chokes me.
Brush against my skin, so the gulls will be happy, and sing once again.

And maybe this time, i'll sing too.

"Tell me gorgeous,"
He said with his finger under her soft chin
"What are you looking at?"
She looked at his face.
He could tell she wasn't seeing his face.
She knew she wasn't.
"Well,"
She started to say to stall him.
She knew what she was seeing.
She wasn't sure if she should tell him.
"Well,"
She said again.
"Yes gorgeous?"
He said patiently.
She thought about what she wanted to say.
i don't see you. I don't see you. I don't see your black hair. But his light brown ***** blonde hair. I don't see you. I don't see your brown eyes I once drooled over. I see his eyes. The maybe blue eyes that stole my  heart. I don't see your tan complexion but his reddened one. i see him. I don't see you and I never will again.
"Well,"
She said again.
He moved his hand to the back of her neck.
He stepped closer.
He stared into her eyes.
"Gorgeous tell me. Tell me please."
She closed her eyes.
And suddenly she felt his lips against hers.
She opened her eyes surprised.
She remembered the way his lips felt.
But she didn't want to remember.
She pulled away.
He looked hurt.
And suddenly
Real fast
Everything
Poured
Out
Of
Her
Normally
Silent
Mouth
"I don't see you when I look at you anymore. You know I don't. You can tell. You know you've hurt me a thousand times. You know you've pushed me down. You know you've left a scar so deep It will Never fade.
So why are you here? Calling me gorgeous? When you know you have no right to."
He looked even more hurt.
And suddenly very angry.
She knew he felt guilty.
She knew she was right.
He let go of her neck and raised a hand behind his head.
She looked at him her eyes widening and before she got the chance to run, his hand slapped hard against her cheek.
Slashing it open.
She lay on the warm grass.
Holding her face.
She looked up at him.
And now his emotion was scared.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
Tears fell softly onto the grass.
Soon she felt a hand on her shoulder.
She jumped ready to run.
"Shh it's just me,"
She saw the boy with the light brown ***** blonde hair. And the maybe blue eyes. And the reddish complexion.
She relaxed as he pulled her into his arms.
She smelt his sweet scent.
And let him dab the blood away.
"I'll always love you. You never have to worry. I'll always be here. You don't have to doubt it. I'll always protect you. You should always remember that"
She smiled and closed her eyes.
She heard the boy with the black hair stomp across the grass.
She heard a car door slam.
She heard an engine roar.
And then she heard wheels squeal.
And like that,
He was gone.
Gone.
Gone.
Gone.
And forever,
The boy with the maybe blue eyes,
Was here.
Here.
Here.
Here.

There's beauty in the little things.

I lay next to you.

And see the hair on your arm.

I see how it lightens in the summer.

I see how it stands when you get goosebumps.

And how it gets matted down when you sweat.

Sweat.

I see it beading on your face.

I can feel it.

wet on your back.

It comes when you are hot.

And it comes slowly beneath your heavy winter coat.

As you laugh with the snowflakes.

Laugh.

Your laugh is big and bright.

You laugh when something is funny.

You laugh at silly things.

It's your own language,

That comes from your heart.

Heart.

Your heart beats.

As if it were your own song.

It tells me you're living.

It beats fast.

I can feel it when you're pressed against me.

I could fall asleep to its thump every night.

Perfectly in tune with your breath.

Breath.

I can feel your  breath on my skin.

It tickles my neck.

And gives me a safe feeling.

Your breath looks like a dragons.

As you step out into the wide wintery world.

And your breath is hot as you laugh in the summertime sun.

And it is beautiful.

Just like you.

Just like us.

And as I notice all these little things
I notice something else.
I notice you are all I want.
All I want forever.
I want your
Thin arm hair
I want your
Sweat
I want your
Laugh
I want your
Heart
And I want your
Breath
I want all of you.
Now and forever.

And we will grow to be even more beautiful than the little things that keep me holding on.

You are my world. You are my sweat and my laugh and my heart and my breath. You are someone who makes me.
Makes me complete.
And you make me more and more complete with every breath, laugh, and heartbeat.

Someday it will stop.
Your heartbeat.
Your breath.
Your laugh.
Your sweat and arm hair.

And I pray
That I will be
Long gone
Before that day.
So I won't have to indulge
In the great pain I will feel
When losing you.
When losing my heart.
My laugh.
My sweat and breath.
When losing My little thing, that means everything.