this morning now-
          only a few hours past
since i lay gutless
across my bed

My stomach mangled
          -spewed next to me
on the floor for the world to see
          
          -[or at least for my dog to chew
          and eat]

still, in my [-e]motions
my mind did all the work

PUZZLING over each and every
tiny *******
word

here i am
          again
grey-haired and numb
pinned up on a clothesline
          wet & rung

playing with myself again

          [pretending there's no such thing
          as you]

resting in the morning heat
drowning in the mourning
          dew.//

three girls
high-heal stumble
onto the street
casting
blue & red
strobing shadows

I'm sure your eyes
caught their
*******
facade
from behind those cop car windows
.     .     .     .
where you're going
its cold
and
smells like
sterile nothing
and you'll just sit there
with your arms
tucked in your shirt
     make up tip toeing
     down your cheeks

you'll be getting processed
judged
and prodded
by the long sticky fingers
of the law
and we'll be at home
drunk
sleeping

talking to you is like
taking a ****
in a public bathroom stall
its like that feeling your arm gets
after its been strung around
that girl you likes
shoulder for too long
talking to you is like
getting caught picking your noes
by your ex's best friend
its like spitting back at rain
its like winning the lotto
on your ******* death bed

i wish i could say
that making love to you
is like jacking off to a wall
but when we sleep together

****
i ring my heart out
raw

you cant
always  let go of pain
you gotta carry it
with you
and sometimes
that's just
what it means
to
be
alive

Civilization is founded upon one-dimensional thinking: monotheism, monoculture, monogamy, monopoly, monotony, mono mono mono... one day soon i'll quit my job, throw away my phone and steal really cool, expensive 3D glasses. After all, eyelids are the only thing barricading our dreams from reality.

plunge my brain out through my ear
this place has got me all stopped up
dipping conceptions of why and where
in embalming self pity

I'm losing it
-the touch of reality
on my callassed finger tips
Has faded to a faint
*****
there's a thin line between happy and insane.
and right now I'm walking it like a tight rope under skies of spiraling green and grey

I wish I could tie bows of dancing colors
across the sky's broad, everlasting neck
I wish

but I'm happy
just to sit here
and watch

3 glasses of wine
in
and 20 good bye hugs later
it just doesn't hit you
till you're laying in bed
naked
counting ******* sheep

i remember sitting on the lap of my future
as he stroked the lining of my waist

i remember the vast exhales
that tickled the hairs on my neck

i remember faint whispers in my ear
telling me everythings gonna be alright
as we played doctor in the dark

i'll miss the innocent smiles
sparkling ****** eyes
hope


but
i got no
cherry to pop
i was ****** from the start

Chairs are just coat hangers
couches are beds
and clothes are just hand rags you wear

my cell phones just a flash light
and the shower is a neighborhood *****
bank
that doubles as a hairsalon

(so..
what the **** does that make me?)

Doll house sized window
with voices passing by
weaving in and out
of consciousness
sleeps a losing battle
in cubbies like these
you crawl into bed
bury yourself beneath sheets
and forget the noise outside
forget the the things that crawl in the walls
forget the *** you hear next door
forget the chastity belt you locked yourself

you are nothing
ab
so
  lute
zero
and once we all
can come
to this agreement
things start making much more sense

Empire; Empire
Marked with glee
Spangles
And prosperity

Dark, dank, deceased
Eyes rolled back
Empire Empire  
Your Godly reign

Empire; Empire
Bleeding me
Etherized;
I cannot sleep

Dark, dank, deceased
Amor patriae

your words were so cold
they chapped your lips as we spoke
your surraded tongue
met my neck


sliced a smile on my face


the wicked
tight
all knowing
person
that you are

feels only what she wantss

i want to know
what i look
like in my sleep

snoring
kicking
stealing all the sheets

i'd watch the futile journey
to the cold side of the pillow
a hundred times over
and call myself a fool

and know why its important
to put yourself in
someone elses shoes

infringing upon my rights
i smoked them all away
frayed hearts and unheld hands
watching deep red curling flames

little strings upon my fingers
a marionette to do the bidding
of a world that ***** itself time again
then spends a life time on forgetting


i fold to life
my hand is ****

your words were so cold
they chapped your lips as we spoke
your serrated tongue
met my neck


sliced a smile on my face


the wicked
tight
all knowing
person
that you are

feels only what she wantsss

wasted
turned inside out
      like a damp t-shirt drying in the sun
soaking up the
salt stained air

      whats left behind
and forgotten
while lovers
play naked on the shore

im just here to watch

wish i lived
somewhere still
i want to blend in with the walls


where its easy to fall victim
to times heavy toll
and shrivel away

i want scars
that burrow deeper than
the scratches on my back

come find me
wasting
breath

configured to a format
with no time to waste
spakle every crack and wrinkle
on my aging face
we can all be dolls
cause deep down we're all made of porcelain
empty eyes staring vacously
into a world of nothing

denying
our impulses
-when it comes down to it
is
denying
what makes us
human

i wish i had something better to write about
than me

******* feelings

the only thing in life
thats constant is change
what a drag

cause i could feel this way forever

there's a bank
right down the road
from my parents home

how i'd love to see that **** up in flames
burning money and banker bones

cause the news man always says
theres some trouble going on over seas
but the truth is of course
it all starts here
right at the end of my street

inside
me
there's this ill will
contempt
******
surging feeling
for everyone
i pass on the street
                   brushing my shoulders
i cant help but wish
this whole city
would
blow-the-****-up
and there'd be nothing
left
but little
Dandelions
to tickle my scars

i've seen the view
from upon the cross
i've looked down upon my sins
i've been that ragged christmas tree
with tired sprawled out limbs

i've bared a crown of thorns
and been wrapped in bright gold tinsel love
and all i've seen from this view
was wide blue eyes staring up at me
licking lips
and hanging jaws

and who woulda thought
i'd find it here?
swirling in the toilet bowl
colors
from my gut
twisting round&round;
with my reflection
like a painting by Van Gogh

this morning i tripped
over a a sleeping body lying on the floor.
cigarette butts and bottle caps
broken glass and stray nick bags

naked cuddling bodies behind every single door
[except mine of course]

this ****-hole smells like stale beer and ***
and the sink is full of week-old ***** dishes

honestly i wouldnt give a ****
that this house is falling apart
if i hadnt been the only one
who woke up alone
:
    -
                /

theoretical *******
where the **** does it get you?
you're still a bottom feeder
entranced by the filthy floor boards
of society

sitting here
watching dandruff flakes fall upon my lap
forming trillions of little constellations
reminding me of you

its hard to say
what i really feel
cause i never really know
biting my nails
itching my crotch
breathing
in
                     & out


i dont see
any beauty
in this curse
called love

I got nothing up my sleeve
but the rest of my arm
im stuck scavenging this wretched world
bare tooth and claw

divine intervention
sewing seeds of discontent
blemished me
somehow built by an architect?  

its hard to imagine a world
with a place for me
neatly wrapped
so sanitary

someday you'll find me
belly up on the side of the street
caught in the flashing lights
brushed by a stroke of epilepsy

I'm a curdled mess
a puddle of expired something
waiting to be cleaned up

it's funny when you look out the window of this bookstore
you can't help but wish
that the clouds could wrap around your finger
in the same way they tie mountain tops together
over the vast arctic sea

cause after a while of gawking and awing
you just end up staring at your own reflection

none of you have ink on your hands or words on your tongue
just a mouse between your fingers
clicking away
and away
and away
from reality

Just pass me one more beer
I swear this next one will be my last
I'm choking on the alcohol
but I'm tired of breathing the air from the past
and I just wanna get back to sleep
this south Florida air is just
a little too ******* heavy for me
and I'm lost
in a pile of stale cheap beer cans
but I swear the map outs at the bottom of this next one

laying here
I fall into a void
of endless possibilities
I'm not sure if I'm drowning in your eyes
or if I'm drowning in the OE
I'm pretending you're my sleeping bag
wrapped around me at night
remembering you're in every car
ignoring my thumb as you drive by

I wish I was a Christian I could confess my sins away
I wish that I was Jesus I could turn the other cheek
I wish I was an athiest and know that this is all fake
I wish I had another beer I just wanna get back to sleep

___

I wish I was a Christian I could waste my life away
I wish that o was Jesus someone please crucify my
I wish I was an athiest I just wanna be happy
I wish I had another beer I just wanna get back sleep

your lips
have me wrapped up
like pink bubble gum
all snug
around your finger
winding
tighter and tighter



      and i swear some time soon
i'm gonna snap

unsheathe your ****
& swing away
slice the scars between
every leg

tears and blood
& latex rubber
get on your knees and bow
my 'lover'

-you are mine
i am i
rip and ride and
leave you dry

wipe those tears
from your face
open your mouth
as i fire away

swallow down we need not waste

(the system that we breed in is perpetuated by PHALLISCY ! CASTRATE THOSE WHO OPPRESS YOU!)

life dangles lemons
just out of reach

lets just pretend
  - fill each other up
with
sterile smiles
and synchronized laughs
we can go on quiet walks
and whisper fake hellos

lets pretend
our milky eyes and wrinkled foreheads
are problems fixed in time

lets pretend
man didn't scalpel the world
into tiny little pieces
defiling its great potential
separating hearts and minds
  hands and waists
families and religion

lets pretend a flag is worth my empty chest

outside my door
underneath the porch light

dozens of beetles
lay on their backs
          reaching for the sky
& i wonder
what gives them
the will to live?

because
          when i feel like a beetle
-all crippled and hung
         over by ***** and emotion

i dont struggle to get back up
on my feet

i just lay there
          waiting.

1 pill every six hours
AND NOT A DROP TO DRINK
i just want a cold beer
[FORGET YOU] AND GO TO SLEEP

some mornings
you just cant
open your eyes
and you lay there
with your jaw cocked open
& your ears sewn shut
hugging your pillow
pretending

self distructions a daily high
i watch hundreds implode ritually
cant make sense of the masochism
we perpetuate so consistently



theres a thousand eyes watching the cracks in the floor
ignoring this noose around my neck
theres a thousand ears with headphones in
ignoring their own cries for help

I must admit
when i go to bed at night
you're not the person
on
   my mind
when it comes to love & shooting stars
     lips & ******* and hugging thighs

you just don't quite make the cut

but

right now sprawled out naked in my bed
floating in a puddle of sweat

the thought of your cigarette stained lips
   working at my neck
those innocent smiles
and eskimo kisses

     your thumb stroking
the lining of my waist

drunk &
stupid

i realize
loneliness is far worse
than mere
complacency

refresh the page
and there you are
*******
with
my mind

i swear the only truely happy ones
are those def, dumb & blind

because the ones with feelings
as vast
.
    .
    .
  .
and deep as seas
can make Apollos and Poseidons
out of sheer beauty

& once the tide
has come and gone
and the sun has set

crumbling statues
of long loved idols
are now all thats left.

lifes a joke
without a punchline
just a long

drawn out





end