refresh the page
and there you are
*******
with
my mind

i swear the only truely happy ones
are those def, dumb & blind

because the ones with feelings
as vast
.
    .
    .
  .
and deep as seas
can make Apollos and Poseidons
out of sheer beauty

& once the tide
has come and gone
and the sun has set

crumbling statues
of long loved idols
are now all thats left.

outside my door
underneath the porch light

dozens of beetles
lay on their backs
          reaching for the sky
& i wonder
what gives them
the will to live?

because
          when i feel like a beetle
-all crippled and hung
         over by ***** and emotion

i dont struggle to get back up
on my feet

i just lay there
          waiting.

this morning now-
          only a few hours past
since i lay gutless
across my bed

My stomach mangled
          -spewed next to me
on the floor for the world to see
          
          -[or at least for my dog to chew
          and eat]

still, in my [-e]motions
my mind did all the work

PUZZLING over each and every
tiny *******
word

here i am
          again
grey-haired and numb
pinned up on a clothesline
          wet & rung

playing with myself again

          [pretending there's no such thing
          as you]

resting in the morning heat
drowning in the mourning
          dew.//