Hey there,
It's me again.
I know I've come to you before and you never say anything back to me, but I have no other choice; so please just listen to me carefully.
I know it's been a few years and you haven't heard from me, but I just got caught up in what life is suppose to be about. I'm sorry. But I'm here now, and I have so much to tell you.
First of all, *******. I hate doing this and I hate coming back to you because I know for a fact that there are others that have no other choice but to see you, and here I am, willfully coming to you. Congratulations for this.
I used to feel like my loved ones were going to have to drag the lake for me because of you, and I'm so stupid to be coming back to you after everything you've done to me.
I know I've told you that I don't believe in God, but recently I've had no other choice but to pray to him and ask him sincerely to please never let you show your face to me again.
I'm going to a funeral tomorrow evening, and even though I never met the guy, it fills me with nothing but rage to know that you stole everything from him.
I was told that he had everything going for him. Perfect grades, a perfect athlete, not a thing in the world seemed to be able to stop him. He was so young and full of potential. Until you came along.
You forced his body to starve so badly that it had no choice but to eat itself.
That sounds familiar, doesn't it?
That no matter how many times I'm able to run away from you, you never fail to fill my stomach with what seems like a black abyss that never stops screaming at me for everything I do.

Second of all, I hope you're happy with all of this.
I hope you see me struggle and turn in my sleep because of you and you get a kick out of it.
I hope that you feel a sense of accomplishment when you see me smiling and decide I'd be better off back in the dumps. You somehow always think that I've always wanted this.
There have been times when I've wanted nothing more, but now is not that time.
I've grown so much without you and I hope you've noticed.
Life has given me such a sense of self worth. Something that you could never do for me.
In fact, all you ever gave me was the complete opposite.
It's been a struggle, but I don't need you. I never did, so please stay the **** away from me.

Last but not least, this is the last time you will ever hear from me.
Death, I am staring you right in the face and I feel more confident now than I ever have.
Death, no matter how many times you try to push down on my chest, I will take the deepest breath you've ever seen me take.
Death, say goodbye to your longest prisoner, I hope you become lonely without me.

Death, not today.
Death, not ever.

Yours truly, the one that got away.

PS, I'm gonna need this letter back to write more things on to help my head get rid of you.

As you're walking, take time to stop and smell the flowers
I was a flower that kept growing every time you picked me
The unfortunate part is that you kept coming back to me knowing that I would always grow back for you
And I couldn't run away from you because I was stuck in the same soil I'm sitting in right now
I just hope for the day when the sun is able to shine on me and let me grow without me having to worry about you coming back to take me away again

*******
Agitated
Broken
Beaten
******
Ridiculous

The bandages have been ripped off whether I like it or not and it's up to me if I want to either watch myself bleed and cry about it or watch myself bleed and let it all flush itself out

Beginning after beginning, I keep creating fresh canvases only to ruin them with paint that won't ever wash out
Soil and soil and soil, it's all I'm ever used to
The feeling of pain and the price of pleasure are both two very similar lines that my body has never hesitated to cross

And my god, I am exhilarated

Jump on me like a trampoline and I swear to god I'll throw you off like a raging hurricane that's upset that we humans are ruining our planet's oceans without a second thought
My rib cage feels like it's been thrown against a brick wall and kicked relentlessly for hours
My mind is as hazy as the endless cigarette smoke you make me fill my lungs with
My inner being is at war with the outside world and I have a feeling that this is only the beginning

As I button down the hatches and hope for the best
I know that solitude will never make its way to me
I have to fight and fight and fight and never stop until I see it in my sights

I heard that if you want to make a living in this life, it's best to get your heart broken as many times as you can
That maybe if your heart bleeds just a little bit more each time, it will scar over and never stop becoming stronger
It puts hair on your chest and fire in your eyes and you deserve at least that much

This is a ******* war path and my struggles are wrapping themselves in knots at every twist and turn
But this is what I am here for, believe me when I tell you this
The tears in my eyes and the pain in my stomach are filling me up with rage that only the heavens will understand

This is no longer just a battle, it is war now
I am no longer just a soldier, I am a commander now
If there is anyone that could possibly take control and fight the good fight, it is I
If there is anyone that could possibly understand what is happening, it is I
If there is anyone willing enough to bleed until everything has bled out, it is I

I am a mess, but at least I am feeling
I am a mess, but at least one of these days this will all be over and I will finally be free

I've found out what stories the highways have to tell and I swear they're some of the best I've ever heard
Smokey windshields and blaring guitar solos in all, the road is a canvas just begging to be painted on

The tears of teenage existence will drain and fill and drain once more
The angst of late lovers will catch fire and spread to every part of this city
The state lines will blur more and more the closer you approach them
You are part of something so much greater now
Take a moment and realize that everything you do and say has never sounded more crystal clear

We will cross the bridge when we get there and we will sit on the side of the river
We will talk about what emotions have been trying to drown us lately all while trying our hardest not to drown in the water itself because good friendship creates the best kind of atmosphere you could ever be involved in

This is a revolution

I don't think you heard me

This, my friends, is a revolution

Burn your inner demons to the ground
Drown your worst fears in the waters of the holy land
Turn on Free Bird and dance in the moonlight until your body becomes numb with the feeling of excitement
Forget what problems are weighing on your shoulders for just a few minutes and let the wind of the river blow through your hair
I swear you will forget everything except this moment because forgetting is the only solution the river will give you
The only time the river will ever allow you to have is a ******* good time
Because the river courses through the veins of this country and trust me when I tell you that it has seen some **** and it wouldn't wish any of these problems onto you

The river is as iconic as you hear about because it is the birthplace of our generation's revolution and the highways that lead to it are the stepping stones of accepting yourself as a solution and not a problem

So by all means
Crank your radio up
Listen to Springsteen preach the good word
Arrive and waste no time
The children of the river are waiting for you
We have fires to start and cities to take over

*This is the revolution

Everything that made sense to me ended up hurting me
Maybe it's time I stopped making sense
A fourth, a fifth, a sixth
Whatever it takes to make me feel worth it

Yellow love, eat me up inside
Grow your vines and wrap around my heart and squeeze it until it pops like a balloon
I want to feel alive and full of air
I want confetti to explode out of my mouth when you kiss it because you a party and you deserve to be celebrated

Hold my hand and squeeze it so I know you'll never let go on accident
That way when I feel your hand unwrap around mine, I'll know you did it on purpose
It'll be a lot less hurtful, trust me

I will no longer be a lighthouse for your rough waters and I have grown to accept it
I will still see your ships and sails
And they will always be in the back of my mind
You will always be in the back of my mind

It's about time I say goodbye to what I thought would be forever
Blowing kisses and hugging the skeletons in your closet has never sounded so comfortable
But here I am, suitcase in hand
I just wish this goodbye could last forever

I can't complain
My coffee is getting cold and my flight is booked for an hour from now
Take a look at what's beneath your feet
Flowers that once bloomed at your every step are now wilting and crying onto your dress
Just wait for the clarity, this will all make sense
Where we're going, we are no longer safe
The stone walls you've built will crush us from the inside out

I have no choice but to burn what's left and start all over
Maybe then everything will finally feel fresh again
It's been so long since I've woken from a dream and felt confident
I never meant for any this to happen, believe me
I have wanted everything for us but I have spent all of my money buying you rings
and every one of them end up tossed into the creek

I always end up lost in the street
Begging and pleading
This is no place for a man that cares this much
I guess there is no place for a man that cares this much
Not on these streets and most definitely not in your arms

I want your head to shake and shatter like an earthquake when you read this
I want your gut to fill with panic and your sense of all understanding completely wiped out

Maybe I should stop wishing the worst for my enemies
But then again, maybe I should stop making sense

Pass the time
Pass the time
Pass the time

Think of what is not killing you
Let it seep into your skin and let it fill your lungs

Crack your brittle knuckles and pop your achey joints
This is only the beginning
Tie a noose around a tree and let the branch break, just to let yourself know that nature is keeping you alive for a reason

Now think of what is killing you
Let it fill and spill over and under your thoughts
Let it whisper soft meaningless nothings into your ears
Flirt with the idea of crushing a caterpillar just before it blossoms into a butterfly
Let yourself realize that there is beauty in the innocent
Learn that corruption is at every street corner, just begging and pleading for your attention

Pass the time
Pass the time
Pass the time

Give yourself to the wrongdoers
Let your blood bleed dark red onto your favorite t-shirt
Feel knowledgeable and learn consistently
Walk gracefully and fight viciously

There is no bliss in ignorance, just like there is no good in evil
Time is as valuable as diamond
Do not shied yourself from its shine and do not hide in its shadow

When the next opportunity comes, do not pass it
Do not pass the time and do not let it escape you
Breathe in air and exhale fire
Watch the clock like it is your favorite movie, it may just surprise you

Today we have just scratched the surface
Here lies your hopes and dreams
Mary Magdalene would merely laugh at me
Meadows of chloroform and chemical winds bypass my every thought but then again
Maybe I am not a disaster and maybe this is just a test

The strong willed and strong stomached gasp at the sight of this
What treachery is love and why is it not forbidden
What lovely tragedy, oh, what a comedy
You crave and thrive on drama and you are so two-faced
Even Jesus Christ is fooled

I am but a morsel lacking morals towards the monstrosities and the ill mannered
Flying high on the backs of the enemy
Laughing despicably
Uncontrollably

Gasping for every breath
Drowning in what seems to be nothing besides oxygen
I am a train wreck
I am a car crash

My fumes will spread near and far
Not as far as I'd like them to
But far enough to make the world know
That I am here and suffering

Please let me off easy
I'll do anything
Please let me off easy

Broken, beaten, battered, battled
Bestowed on top of the highest mountain
The clouds are my escape and I pray that I never have to return home

What is life without a little bit of adventure
What is a nightmare without a little bit of terror

Life is a thunderstorm and I am a chain-link fence
It was all very shocking at first
At least I am used to it by now