The darkness has found me & I've fallen deep within, My demons awaiting I must face them all again. There's loneliness & emptiness, self-loathing,& shame. Worthlessness, sorrow, heartache, & pain. Helplessness, hopelessness, restlessness, fatigue. There's lethargic & uncaring, fear & financial strain.There's always headaches body-aches ,guilt,plus shame. The tears are uncontrollable & they fall like rain. With panic attacks so strong they make me so Ill ,there's the nights I can't sleep without alcohol or pills. Suicidal thoughts always rears it's ugly head I'm strong in my beliefs that's why I'm still not dead. Bring on Violence & rage so far has hurt only me,but the pain I cause others are wounds that do not bleed. So I shut myself off from the ones that I love most,because I cannot let them see me vulnerable & exposed. Like a cancer it knows no gender and color it does not see, Depression is not weakness but an Illness that's stricken me.

Sweet darkness is calling another night in your cold embrace. Your kiss chills my shaking lips,your stare com pales my empty gaze. You long for my tears and thirsts upon their sweetness.In the daylight I'll find strength but sweet darkness .....you are my weakness.

Though I am never with you when you close your eyes at night,know you are always with me,your my first thought,your my morning smile. Without even touching my skin you have some how reached my soul,I'm empty the days without you,but when your there I feel whole.What I spent a lifetime protecting never letting anyone get to close, In one brief unguarded moment It was my heart that you stole. If it was never meant to be how could it feel so strong I know whats right and I know right now would be wrong. There's so much I want to tell you I only wish I could find the words. There's so much I feel I owe you If I had a treasure that treasure you would own. I know I'm not the one who'll hold you when they turn freedoms keys,But I will forever hold you my prisoner in my prison of memories. Chained to my heart and shackled to my soul serving a life sentence with no pardon or parole.MY PERMANENT LOVE ...I will never let you go.

Me, Myself & I.

My demons shall never wake
for my demons never sleep.

From daylight’s deafening whispers, through out my nightmares silent scream.
new ones are reborn though the old ones never die...
my internal enemies, me, myself, & I.

A war wages on where peace seldom prevails,
a battle that’s never-ending,
this war is within myself.

A mirror’s shallow lie has become my drowning truth,
the enemy that I face,
this reflection’s ugly proof.

From the outside I’m looking in,
from the inside there’s no way out.

How can I love another when I cannot love myself?

The lies that you believe are the truths that I deny.
My blind eyes clearly see through this reflection’s desperate cries.
This emptiness fulfills where self-loathing overflows into my sea of insecurities
where a million dreams lie lost below.

My mind is the beast, the enemy within,
the imprisoner of my heart where love has never been.

I’m a little boy lost who’s never found his way,
now grown into a man still haunted by yesterdays,
where tomorrow is my journey,but my journey is a lonely road where childhood is long forgotten
like my innocent-stolen soul.

Can I really be that man,
this reflection that shatters me,
still picking up the pieces of the man I’ll never be?

Now depression’s bitter pill I swallow every day;
still the biggest fear I face is facing another day,
where today became tomorrow and tomorrows yesterday.

I’m lost within myself,
& my friends I’ve pushed away,
but in the face of this stranger that I look at from within,
I finally realize has become my only friend,
but when I whispered the words “I love you”
left only silence echoing.

Reflections cannot mirror what they cannot see.

Hey mirror mirror on the wall who’s the loneliest of us all?

So I smashed this silence to set us free,
me from you & you from me,
and now I stand behind this shattered web,
forever scarred by memories’ dread,
here I stand and as I look in me
I feel no pain but yet I bleed.

Though the wounds outside have all but healed,
the scars they left I’ll always feel.

So if it’s you to cast the first stone,
‘the perfect one’ the mirror still owns.

Judge me not by the scars you see,
though shallow minds never venture deep,
so if you live by the mirror’s light,
reflection’s perception is but a lie.

Now I venture in a deeper sea
diving deeper in search of me,
but with my demons in tow & darkness abound,
I reach for the light as they’re pulling me down.

Drowning in darkness...fades the light.

God please give me the strength to continue this fight.

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