you held me by my wrists
you asked why i was shaking
my tongue was like lead
and my cheeks felt like lava

but i said,
i really love you.
and you said,
i really love you too.
and i said,
no, you don't understand

i want to hold your hand

sometimes i wish that
i could drown the sun or
stomp it right out of the sky

but i can't stand to hurt the moon like that
and i couldn't if i tried

i am sorry
for being afraid
to look you in the eye

when i know
just as well
the fear
of being forgotten

sledgehammers aren't so expensive
compared to the cost
of piecing bits back together

i'd never ask you to pay
so much
to undo something
deliberate and cheap
so how about just
don't

i stepped back out
didn't shout or pout
because i was fixed and good
like they said i would
be nice be grateful
and don't be hateful
try not to cry
try harder to be fine
now why the hell are you crying
just over realising
that you can go entire days
without thinking about dying

i think we self-destruct
differently

i feel as though you are a forest fire
(and maybe that's because you
are the warmest thing in my life but)
you are a force
you rage on
even if it means
leaving charred remains
in your wake
you are bright
you burn
you are so
incandescent
that people can look at you
and be so entranced
that they can forget the ashes
i feel as though maybe
that is how you feel
as you survive, you incinerate
but you incinerate to survive

i know there is life in you,
sometimes all it takes is a breath of wind,
a breeze to uncover seedlings and buds that have taken root already
i know for a fact that the world
would be left a shadow
without your heartfire

[i feel as though i am a decaying stump,
uprooted and on my side
(do you get it, because i'm always in bed and no longer growing and)
i'm all rot.
all i want is to be some kind of pretty,
without a care in the world,
i'm just waiting to feed the flowers]