What can you do with a naughty cat
When she’s lying on your bed?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she’s sleeping on your head?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she’s always up to no good?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she loves digging in the mud.

What do you do with a naughty cat
When she loves to jump and fight?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When her top trump is to give you a fright?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When in corners she will creep?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she won’t stop hunting your feet?

What can you do with a naughty cat
When she’s pooing in the bath?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When all you can do is laugh? (Don’t)
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she covers your phone with drool?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she’s taking you for a fool.

What can you do with a naughty cat
When she keeps stealing your lunch?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When all she really wants is a munch?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she’s fighting with your pen?
What can you do with a naughty cat
When she just won’t get off again

Oh I give up

Feeling lost and feeling lonely
Can't I be your one and only?
Wandering along to my own heartbeat
Life's more fun with another pair of feet
A *** to squeeze, a hand to hold
A pocket to put my fingers in, when they get cold.
Someone to splash when I jump in puddles.
A lover to stop me getting in a muddle
A friend, a foe, a confidant.

My glorious and handsome editor,
there are so many things
I would like to share with you.
To name but a few;

Kisses under the mistletoe,
Breakfast in bed,
Walks along the beach, on a windy day.

A good bottle of red, next to a roaring fire,
Another lost weekend in the Lake District,
My 50th birthday
And Grandchildren with blonde hair and button noses.

I will of course settle for a couple of pints,
And a fumble outside the pub.

If I were a wife
I would be languorous with kisses
liberal with gravy
And bountiful in the bedroom.

Smiles and memories,
you the master of my destiny,
my lobster, my other half, my you.

If a picture paints a thousand words
then why can't 'mine' mean 'you'?

Tentacles of my dreams
Interwoven with your ego.

Caresses like needles running down my spine,
Tattoo me with kisses and leave me,
Forever with your mark.

A desire burning - smoke streams from my lungs
As secret cigarettes smoulder on my skin
Your touch like iron-red pokers,
Melts and moulds me in your image.

Daggers flit in my stomach,
Butterflies disturbed by your gaze
Razor blades their wings.
A touch so tender
Cut me again.

Knowing you're with her
Wishing you were with me
Wondering if that smile I get,
Looks the same through her eyes.

The way your brow creases when you laugh
The gentle way you tease me about the way I say bath.
Running your fingers through my hair.
That knowing look.

Teeth all the way down my back, my neck
Bites that sting and hurt
Just not enough to make me forget
That I'm your part time love.

I've fallen in love with a man made of mud
Said the girl with her head in the sand
Best plans are waylaid and beds left unmade
As they struggle to stay on dry land.

Forgive our young lovers as they stand on their shore
Surrounded by dreams that they'd made.
In the wind there's a chill, and the boatman a bill
Which again will be left unpaid.

To you, I would write a thousand words
but nothing as sweet as I do.
You inspire me to think of a love,
so elevated it shakes the core,
of my very soul, which will be
yours eternally.

Bound with chains, you tear
the very essence of what is me
and replace them with kisses,
that burn sulphuric on the end
of every nerve.

The pleasure of pain, my sacrifice
I give to you all I can, from which a
new woman was formed by a new
man. I would thee bare a thousand kin
and live eternal within our skin.

Lost at sea
Dark waves surround me
I feel like I'm drowning
I can't breath
And so I sit and wait alone, again for you
Through it all, you never call
You just assume that I am waving
Waving, waving, not drowning.

You get to live life twice
Again in your dreams
That is where I will always be
Asleep in your arms
No chord around my neck,
No dark stain seeping inside of me.
Always smiling at you,
Waving not drowning.