soap bubbles
bath time
warm
           warm
                      hot
                             warm
               cooling
     cold
stale water dripping
past my knees
like we're night bridges
middle of an ocean
vast and crashing
rocking
like maybe we're *******
cold and rough
sea monsters
maybe we're sitting up and
you're laughing
mom's bath with jets
soap bubbles overflowing


maybe our hands are touching
in the sink
near the plates
gripping palms
soapy suds

pretty sweet sleeping
eyes blank with teeth glistening
clouds instead of brains

what hurts is forgotten
cotton candy pain relief
forced for forgetting

spotless glimmer mind
scared exists under a rug
able there only

turned on my flashlight
glimmered purple breath
glazing across green
white
purple trees

the sky dark and flickering
mirroring crystal snow
thousands of years below

the nevada moon had a sneaky way
of hiding behind mountains
so i never thought it was real truth
thought the light reflecting in the sky
must be a trick of the mind

oh nevada moon
made my lose trust in my instinct

honey dripping eyes
brown river water hair shoots
shining at each turn

smiles huge reveals
velvety pink apple cheeks
golden glowing teeth

painting and painting
flowers on her pale temples
shining through her skin

insatiable thirst
right down in her pretty throat
making its own voice

constantly ripped down the spine of my nose
arch of my back oh and im
stretching and your catching falling strips
of skin from my stomach rib cages
and my mind is always thinking
always screaming
      (not in your warm arms
       in your gentle kisses comfort
       come yellow curtains pale pink blue dishes)
but hectic white winter oh im
running out black striped hats strange
geometric knive shapes
shining texture on my body skin
slicing (oh i dont dare touch my wrists
when the cold is pain oh pain enough)

don't know if it was the biproduct
of faux luxury beaches
secret bankrupt parents
bridges so easy to jump off

tiny island
made the most ****** people i know
looking feeling in the eye
stuck their hand down it's throat

excitement
right in front of my face
the millennium crew
living
breathing
on the road
ready to face the world

cottonball lights
white
         pure
                 clean
        radiating
they bloomed and had beams
halo rings

it was so dark and town was so empty
like my black grey sky body
and i still looked both ways
when crossing the street

unimagineable light
wish I could open my mouth
and my words came tumbling out
coated and shining

i was in the clouds
they came down with god and he asked my to join him
i said no
drove faster
and more careful
than ever

"my parents got home and I hit my dad until he wasn't making me angry anymore now I'm crying outside on xanax I can hear the ambulance. I just wanted to let them know I missed them now I don't."

"have you ever fought somebody? it's the same rush you get when you run. you feel something."

"I don't know what you want
tell me again
so I can tell you how it would hurt."

1:20 AM

feels like snow
hitting the ground back
of my eye lids

soft caressing warm gentle hand

11:20 AM

summer sun rays
on sleepy little feet
soft warm sheets
and those heavy eyes

the music turned up as loud as it could go
memorizing her
right eye in the rearview
couldn't see her lips moving
but i saw her eyeslashes curling
giving her smile away
then her voice
passing straight through my ears like the
softest wave
then there was spice
and it burned my brain

i rubbed myself raw for you
my skin was baby soft for you
same shade of pink and your lips

Of course i wish i heard something other than waves but _. Every hour lulled to sleep my the drowsy winded beach. Most of it is blood pumping, pulled by the moons- cars on the freeway. Harsh worked up build up blood and the crash and the far far away twinkling of salty water beating salty water. It's always snowfall and summer heat and wind blowing my curtains in, your breath and the curls of your hair, so persistently.

I felt like a piece of art
like a barbie doll
head leaning back
your imaginary hands
                       pulling my hair

Posed for you
did everything for you
held my hands still
in the midst of your trembling body

I felt like a piece of art
    in the bath
   on the deck
wrapped in blankets and black
in my socks
                 in my braids
knees pressed to my chest

art til the death