i lay here and soak
in the water
the water you never gave
me
the water that was given to
many
received by few
who deserved it
i gave you water though.
your skin was wrinkly
lines showing
how long you lay
basked
in the water
i gave to few who
deserved it
and to many
who didn't
my pores take in the water
it leaves lines
showing it was there
leaving it's mark
gentle
making its existence known
though, i wanted the marks
i wanted the sign of visitation
leaving no vacancy
your scars are wanted, close to needed
they remind me you happened
and you weren't
a phantom of my imagination
i sit here daydreaming
soaking the water
and hoping one day
you'll rush in
and give me
what i've been waiting for
for an uncountable amount of time
seconds as hours
hours as months
months as years
waiting
for a sign
you'd come back
water is necessary to survival
i don't depend amongst anyone
but the water
i deserve it.

i want to hold your hand
not because everybody does it.
but because i want to feel your skin
you are the only thing
i need
right now
in this time,
the late hour as i lie awake
the reoccurring thought
frightening me every time it appears in my mind
not having you,
there to be my person.
i need to know you still care
but how will i ever know if you’re being honest?
just tell me the truth
do you want to be
on my mind?

they say
eyes are the windows to the soul
if that’s true
why are yours so dark?
i see beauty
in the marks on your skin,
only because i know
the trauma
i know
the cries
the endless feeling of hopelessness
that came from the trauma
the anxiety
the feeling of being alone
scared to die
but wanting to be asleep forever?
just escaping
the reality that is your view
but from my view
you’re perfect.
you’re the exact composition
of a wilting rose
beautiful on the outside
yet rotting on the inside
but the question remains
can i fix you?
you need watered.
you need nurture,
sun,
growth,
love.
i want to replant you,
teach you how it’s supposed to feel
to encompass the
anxiety
the hopelessness,
the everything that surrounds you,
but not let it in.
let me help you cope.
allow me to be the one to nurture you,
and when your last day comes,
the day that you slowly fall
and your petals are no longer
beautiful ,
flowing ,
bright,
i’ll be right beside you.

support
what does it mean?
unconditional love
it’s supposed to come
from the person who gives you life
brings you into this world
you derived from something beautiful
a combination of two souls
what happens
when those souls divide
when the screams become far too much
for one person
to bear any longer.
what happens
when the one you loves
finds the touch of another soul
far more intriguing
than what once was shared
with you
what happens
when the person your very self
was planted
grew
flourished
loved
nurtured
and then birthed into this world
no longer
believes in love?
heartbreak
it kills compassion
what happens
when they no longer
have the strength to keep themselves
together
for the one they love the most in this world
the one who they gave life to and promised
to watch grow and teach the ways of the world to,
what happens?