Before I met you, I was lost
Floating in a sea of self-deprecation
I’m still in that sea
I still feel so lost
I hate myself
But somehow I love you

I don’t understand how everything worked
How I can love you when I don’t even like me
But then I really talked to you
And I learned

You make it so easy to love you
You’re so calm and so kind
I can’t stop from falling
Can’t stop my heart from racing

Before I met you, I was ready to go
To make my grand exit
Let everything fall away
I wanted to float, feel the pain inside melt
I wanted my life to end tragically

Now, however, I can’t bear to leave
Your hands have vice-gripped my heart
And anchored me to the ground
Every time you say you love me
You pull me back down

Why, I wonder
Why do you love me?
What the hell makes me so special?
I’m not special
I’m broken

I’ve told you I love you
And I mean it with all my heart
Well, with all that’s left
I don’t know why I can’t love me
Or see me the way you do

I don’t want you to get corrupted
To get dirtied by the shadows I live in
My life is full of darkness
Yet you seem to dwell in the light

Before I met you, I thought the darkness was normal
I’d gotten so used to it that it didn’t matter anymore
But then you showed me light
I want it, I really do
But I know I can’t have it

Not when I’ve been in the shadows so long
Not when I’ve made them my home
I want you to realize that you deserve better
You deserve someone who’s whole

I’m not whole in the slightest
I’m splintered and dark
I’m sad and I’m angry
And I don’t know what to do

But you make me smile somehow,
You chase the shadows away
Somehow when you hold me
You keep the darkness at bay

So please, don’t ever let go
If you really love me
Because I think I’d die without you,
The darkness will swallow me whole

Before I met you, I was halfway to dead
But then you entered my life
And while I know I don’t love myself yet
With you I think I can try

Sweet, kind, bubbly
These are words I’ve heard to describe me
But I always blush when they come

I say it’s because I’m shy
And I’m not used to hearing them
But, to be honest,
It’s because I know they aren’t true

I always say thanks
And try to brush them off,
But it still hurts to know
That they’re believing lies

I’m a mess
And I always will be
One wrong move away from breaking
Yet people still stay

I do everything I can
To swiftly pull away
Leave before I can find hope that something will last

Because happy things don’t stay for me
And people always leave
They stay until I think I’m safe
Then watch me cry alone

I hate the way I feel,
Like I can never see the sun
It’s a heavy crushing feeling
To not be good enough for anyone

I want to close my eyes
And just give up the fight
But the shred of hope that lingers
Forces me to stay alive

I hate that hope,
It keeps me from being at peace
I know that I don’t deserve love
So why won’t it let me be?
I can try all I want
To be good for you
To be what you want
To be what you’d love

But I can’t
I can’t be what you want because it’s impossible
I’m too disgusting
Too broken
Too fat
Too lost

You’d never be happy with me
You just don’t see that
You think you want me
You’re deceiving yourself

That’s why I’m leaving
Not even taking a chance
I want to be safe
I don’t want another piece of my heart to disappear when you leave

Which you will,
It’s inevitable
Don’t tell me it’s not
You’re beautiful sweet and kind
I’m just a mess

Leave me alone
To drown in my hate
Because if you try and stay
I just might completely break

I’m standing at the edge,
Contemplating life’s miseries
And I realize,
All of this stems from a single misplaced compliment

Drowning
Darkness swallowing me whole
Nowhere I can go
I must accept my fate

Dying
Doesn’t seem so scary anymore
In fact, it seems to bring relief
A light in the darkness of life

Maybe I’m ready
Maybe I’m not
As the blood drips from my wrists
It’s clear I can’t stop

The crimson tears have finished flowing
And I’m closing up my eyes
My final word to the world
Is the simple question “why?”

Lingering eyes
Wandering hands
Forbidden, yet needed
Contact
Passion
Rush
Lips that move in sync
Skin touching skin
Burning
Raw
Danger
Nowhere to hide
Nowhere to run
I submit to you
your slave

What do you want to look like when you die?
What do you want people to see?
Do you want to grow old
Or die beautiful, like me.

Just remember
Before you choose
To die beautiful, is to die young
Before your time is done

As for me,
I always knew my choice.
I didn’t know when or where
But the dark silenced my voice

So, death is knocking
Make your choice
The ***** old person,
Or the beautiful corpse

Cold, pure, clean
This is how rain feels
It falls in a rhythm
Playing its symphony for the world
And then it’s over

Rain has no cares
No problems
It is blemish free
And falls with the wind

I want to be like the rain someday
Falling free and pure
Finally, I will be
Perfect

There is a fine line between love and hate
I want to say I hate you
With every fiber of my being
But I can’t
Because I might love you
No matter what
Through all the fighting and the teasing
You are always there
I love you
I can’t even say no now
As I write this, I know
That I will do anything and everything
To keep what we have
I just hope you realize it
This is everything to me
There is a fine line between love and hate
I have crossed it
And I am waiting for you on the other side