Summer of 2010
I was enticed to leave
She started a new journey
and me ... She left behind

I felt extremely lonely
I begged
all friends, even her
for company

Part of me knows
what is happening
maybe even
where I am going

Part of me asks,
what if
there are no friends
for a journey in dreams?

Today was a good day,
as good as any,
to walk in the park,
to touch and be touched,
to sniff and be sniffed,
and to leave unfulfilled

Today was a good day,
as good as any,
to take a nap in the afternoon
and then wake up
with a dull pain in the chest
and the feeling of missing someone
to the point of madness

Tonight was a good night,
as good as any,
to shed tears in the movie theater
for a gay old man
who betrayed his lover
only to find out
years later
that he had deserted himself

Tonight is a good night,
as good as any,
to say the final goodbye

Let's dig our souls
for something humane
burn them in middle
and dance around the ashes
to the cracking sound of a dying fire
dancing like crazies
like those in love

Shadows are getting longer,
a big one hanging over,
waiting for the right moment
but we dance like crazies
like those in love

Sky is turning dark blue
let's add old memories
to the fire
in new flames
I see my mother
telling me to pull it together
and we dance like crazies
like those in love

Our bodies feel hotter
as we close our circle
the pain of burning flesh
the dark pleasure of termination
we dance in fire
like crazies
like those in love

A breeze drifts our ashes
we swirl,
up and down
dancing in the air
like crazies
like those had been in love

Long gone is the time
to love and to be loved
walking up the tiring steps
of conversing with shadows
that randomly pop up
in the busy streets of our mind
polluted by the loud honking noise
of the stalled dreams
Giant disappointments
from the past
do not let the hope
get through
Let's walk back to the park
of familiar faces
lie on the ancient carpet
of friendly whispers
and pray together
with our feet in the air

As you bring time to a halt
those clouds appear
that will carry you above moments


My clouds are wise
and sweet, today
they whispered in my dream:


No worries dear friend
is not the time near
that you were living amongst us

Yesterday morning,
around 11,
I was writing,
behind my office computer.

When in the middle of a sentence,
a dream started,
that last less than a second.
And someone hit my shoulder
quite gently,
yet enough to startle me.

I looked around,
no one was touching me.
My research assistant,
was staring at me,
with amusement and surprise.
and I just said,
''that was strange,
really strange.''

Oh, my sweetest dream
do not tell me
your worst fears
your darkest nightmares
I never appreciated
the purity
of your tender soul

Oh, my sweetest dreams
do not, ever,
tell me
your worst fears,
or darkest nightmares

Did I,
Could I
appreciate
the purity
of your
tender souls ...

When that moment arrived
there was no thunder
Neither lightning, nor a storm

She approached me
just as an ordinary moment
and knelt beside me

I would not notice her
but for her careless touch
on my shoulder

Riding an elevator
with a young Asian girl,
she looks so happy.
So I ask her.
"I found a good Korean restaurant today."

"Where is the butterfly?"
The heavy, bold, black man
throws off his hat
shaking and panting

I stare in disgust
at a sweat line traveling
the hardened vein on his skull
"You've got to shed some weight!"

Before ten thousand steps, I
squint my eyes for the
Temple suspended in clouds

My thoughts are running wild
but they cannot go anywhere
because those fishermen have spread their nets
all over my mind
catching them
roasting them on fire
and curing them in salt
for their long winters
and it's too late when they discover
they are feasting on poisonous thoughts

The insight came later
once the rain started pouring
and the black lady in skirt and high heels
took off her shoes

She could not hear me thinking
how magnificent she was
running barefoot
on the wet concrete
of the empty street

Out of reach
out of control
as life flourishes
in the fullness of
an unexpected moment

Death rose to his feet
Waving his long hands
''How many lives, you tell me
Have I saved? Have I saved?''

Gods shook their heads
In utter disbelief
''Such blasphemous vanity!
Such blasphemous vanity!''

If I leave,
       it's not a reflection
                 on who you are:
The time has come.

Here is my lady
naked
with an inviting chest

From the corner of my eye
I watch her
a seductive whisper: hit me

Shaking hands
heavy breathing
aching muscles expanding

All gets quiet
the moment of truth
tension flies, screaming

Arrow pierce her heart
and I thank her
and ask forgiveness

The teenage barista, she
is always worried
How do I look
Am I perfect
Enough for
People to love me
Annoys everyone, but
I see in her
How hard I tried
Pretending, wondering
Am I good enough
To deserve their love?

Mirror looking
for a place to rest
comes across  
monkey's naive heart.

Thus,  
heart reflects everyone

Everyone and monkey lie
to save face

Depression
brings the path
to monkey

The worst thought, you know, is the thought of killing yourself. It's annoying, as hell, that's what it is. It's like you're reading a good novel, say ''The Catcher in the Rye,'' and you think you're having a good time. Then, you see this beautiful black lady and think, what if I have *** with her? But then she approaches you, and hugs you, and you feel her full, firm ******* pressing against your chest. And you think, What the **** am I doing here? What is this life anyway? And you think, I should end my life, yeah, that's what I should do. And all other thoughts, even ***, disappear, and all you can think of is how to end your life. ******* annoying, man.

We SCREAM
       when we cannot hear
when we are not heard

Listen
     to the ****** of vibrant red
          green, yellow
              and blue
to see
      everything is fine
           we are fine
things are
      the way they should be
and there is no need
      to shout and scream

Listen
     and be free

Light as a feather, I
was carried away
by the reflection of morning sun
off those leaves soaked
in the morning dew

And I found you ...

In the depth of your eyes
I see the brown of an exhausted river
that once proudly filled its banks
I hear fishermen songs
as they sail contently
and I ask their ghosts
How do you sail back to your lovers
on the shores of a dried river?

A tear blossoms ...

Over there
toilets are,
essentially,
holes in the ground
decorated and sometimes modernized
and you sit on them
feeling a lot of pressure
on your knees
and it's hard to imagine
that one can *******
in such an uncomfortable position
But it can be done ...

I want to forget ...

A lazy Saturday afternoon
sitting on the couch
feet on the ottoman
listening carelessly to lady friends
watching her preparing tea
snow flakes quiet dance

Something broke

Heard it the next morning
felt it, in my soul
and insatiable need to cry

To the one who is deaf:

The circle is not perfect
twists and turns
keeps going down

Sluggish feet
sigh in relief
feeling the edge

legs shaking
head turning
eyes wide shut
shower in the darkness

Voices of anguish
wrestle in sweat
the dominant whisper
sings from the bottom
Jump ...  Jump ...

Body leans forward
seeking terminal pleasure
of a weightless moment
JUMP!

When it's time to say goodbye
I will miss my dad the most
because I never found the courage
to tell him how much I love him

I' ll ask for their forgiveness,
in my thoughts, and
will tell them that I am tired,
very tired,
that I need to sleep
for a very very long time.

On this torturous ride
with all the random signs
that point to something scary

Everyone knows
signs change direction
when you talk about 'em

So, baby,
no talk for me,
anymore

We had a date,
not long ago
Remember?

But in those last minutes,
I couldn't bear your shadow
growing over the valley

And I spoke

Thoughts are like shadows, ghosts, or spirits
Or, maybe, they are more like flies?
They come, they go, but often, they hang around
And they leave a stain when you push them too hard

Man looked at his wife as they were passing the crowd in the airport. She was enthusiastically chatting and laughing with their friends. If it was not for her deep desperation to have a baby, and her frustration with all their unsuccessful attempts at it, he could swear she is the happiest woman in the world.

Their friends, , a young couple from their home country, were also on their way back home for a short visit.Initially, they were going to change their flights in the airport. Their next flight was delayed, however, and now they had to spend the night in the city. Their friends had decided to stay in the city a couple of days and attend a wedding. He knew that his wife wanted to go to the wedding too, but they were not invited.

They all shared a cab to a nearby hotel and casino. As they walked up to the reception desk, he grew more and more paranoid about giving their personal information and credit card to the receptionist. He pretended that they were looking for a jazz club in that area. His wife and their friends were puzzled but they did not say anything. As they were leaving the hotel, he realized that their friends needed to stay somewhere for a couple of nights and were willing to get a room and share. But it was too late: they said goodbye and separated.

The next morning the two of them decided to walk in the city and do some sightseeing. They soon found empty streets and a city that looked like it was hit by a disease. The man felt more and more uncomfortable and wish they had known where their friends had stayed. At noon, he suddenly remembered that they were supposed to take a morning flight. Surprisingly, he did not feel any urgency. He continued walking the empty streets but his wife went back to the hotel. At night, he was even more surprised to see that his wife was pregnant, almost nine month.

Next morning, the man went out alone. The city had become a war zone. Tanks and militants were roaming around everywhere. In a few instances, he had to escape some of them who were trying to arrest him, and even got into a fight. He went back home in the evening to find out that his wife had delivered the baby.

As he was watching his wife carrying the baby around and kissing the baby passionately, he suddenly realized what was going on. They were dead. That would explain all the strange things that had happened in the past couple of days. The man suddenly felt a deep comfort from solving the puzzle. He could almost feel an excitement, similar to that time, a few years back, when he accidentally hit a man on the street while driving and almost killed him.

Satisfied with his discovery, he looked up and watched his wife playing with the baby. What an irony, he thought. She looked so happy and peaceful. He could break the news to her later.