things continue to break within me. the weight of this slowly snaps the supporting structures of my body.
---
a creak and a small quantity of burning liquid sloshes over the edge of its fleshy chamber dripping down the sides of my lungs, my heart, leaving streaky yellow marks down the insides of my ribcage.
a crack and i freeze suddenly scared to move lest my now unstable stomach container should fall and my guts topple over themselves landing spaghetti-like draped over my womb.
a dull snap - muscles in my face break like aged elastics they do not spring back quickly but creep and crinkle slowly away leaving my lips trembling to support themselves and leaching with them the red from my cheeks.
a slight ******* sound as my retinas detach but only momentarily: i fling my eyes open in shock and alarm knocking them back into place. this sudden movement however stretches out my eyelids and leaves them slack and sluggish.
i am so tired of this constant pressure slowly condemning my body and now it shows in my eyes.
----
a desperately bound memory of - greasy hair and welling eyes - breaks free of its haphazard moorings and wreaks havoc throughout:
falling first past my face spilling all holds of liquid there which pour out of my body gushing free dripping and messy
it sticks next in my lungs blocking my sighs it bounces upon my diaphragm gaping gasping for air that i cannot use
it congeals in my bowels sticking them in their place preventing their minute movements those tiny undulations that are the visceral workings
it finally crumbles and filters through my bones and blood this fine memory powder filling my feet and calves. it is heavy and densely packed and i must move ploddingly now.
though dry and breathing and vibrating again the memory’s toll is seen and heard and felt on my salty cheeks wheezing throat tense body and slow pace.
remember when you ****** the marrow out of my bones slurp and down in your belly and how angry empty it was and how you tried to fill them back up with words like cottonballs and how hollow they were and how hollow were my bones and how our sounds had changed from warm and slick slippery ******* when we parted to dull clackety skeletons accidentally bouncing off each other: dry tock-tock-tocks and echoes and now my marrow’s all grown back and rosy is my colour again and if i jump your bones now maybe it will sound softer and squashier maybe we can be moist again maybe we can be apart but not lacking warmth and maybe we can be parted but not lacking warmth
sometimes a kiss is just a kiss. sometimes it doesn’t represent love, or need, or loyalty. sometimes it is just one pair of lips against another. no sparks, no lust, just touch.
your hot little hands shoot fire in through my genitals and out through my teeth. i SCREAM. i strain my spine in an electric arch. my muscles - seared from the inside out, they stick together and to my skin. i am contorted in flames, white-heat melting my eyeballs.
gasp it’s gone
i consist of a heart and lungs in frantic motion. all the rest has died.
afterwards, lying there, panting, throats raw from roaring, finger-shaped bruises all over, too sore to move, when we slowly uncloud from the bliss, do we even remember the moves?